Abandoned

[oneday]

I was diagnosed with ptsd a few months ago. History of extreme childhood abuse all types then emotional and physical abuse from husband for 25 years, who I left 3 years ago. My T is a great help but living in a tiny town means I have had only 3 friends. 2 are nurses and one has rejected me totally because I was depressed for 6 months after being retrenched from my job. I have gone out of my way to be considerate to them but apparently they don't want to deal with me because it is too much of a burden. I had one of them breach confidentiality about me and now they are running scared because they could lose their job when all I wanted was to warn them not to do it again. All I have asked of them though is for an occasional coffee visit with no discussion about my problems. I believe they are really extremely self centred and are too embarrassed to admit that they can't be bothered. I have done a lot for them always willing to help out as I believe friendship should go both ways. I also do a lot of voluntary work to try and not be focused on myself.
I am hurting so bad because neither has approached me for 6 months and 4 months for the other. I feel totally abandoned which is a trigger for my ptsd so am struggling to cope. My old friends 600km away cant understand it because they call me the best friend anyone could wish for. Please tell me how I can get through this and how to talk to my friends so they will stop and listen to me rather than running away from me. And also how to not care so much about losing their friendship. I have being trying to make new friends but options are limited in the small town.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I understand abandonment very well. My entirity of my family minus 2 (over 100 people) abandoned me...and the 2 left are zero support. All friends ive ever struggled and tried very hard to make, all people ive reached out to from 18 to now (over 50 people) all gone.

Then my family also google me, gossip about me, cause insane drama. Because i refuse lie about my past...i refuse, therefore im family-less, friend-less, support-less.

How do i cope? Its hard, very hard to cope with my family...but i choose to keep my sights on me, on my issues, bettering myself, where i want to be and keep making steps in that direction, no matter what. I suppose by bullheaded-ness comes into play a bit there but you cant loose sight of where you are trying to go.

If nothing else, :hug:s if you accept from someone that totally "gets" abandobment!

 

[ladee]

@oneday , you will make friends here. I know it's not the same as real life. but in many ways it is.. and you don't have to make us coffee and put up with our smoking:) I have no suggestions in regard to establishing
contact with them other than being direct and honest with them... but maybe give it some time and you will rethink what a relationship is to you and what you need from it.
If someone goes no contact with me for a long period of time, then either I get in touch and see what the problem is, or let it go.. depends on what you have invested I guess.
There are many wonderful loving and supportive people here and I have learned a lot..
So, hope you give us a chance, and you may feel less abandoned... we all relate to that. Sending you gentle hugs of welcome, if you accept.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

you will make friends here.

I second this. Here is my only support and ive found nothing but wonderful, understanding, and loving people here and im never alone in an issue, which helps a lot to know others "get it".

 

[oneday]

thankyou so much, you have helped me feel less alone on a very dark day. I am tired of friends being judgemental and not stopping to listen to and understand me it has been really tough, with the rejection of others. If I can talk to help myself and also help other people here not feel so alone then that would be wonderful. My heart goes out to anyone who has been in this situation lostforgottonsoul I feel for you, feel free to talk anytime. Ladee thanks for your welcome it is good to know I don't have to be completely alone, I didn't think I could cope any longer solo so you have given me hope. What a relief

 

[ladee]

Happy you are here !!!:hug: