anthony
Founder
When friends abandon PTSD victims because it's too much for them to handle. Feeling abandoned?
There are many variables in answering this question, each dependent upon individual situations. If I were to name my top two variables that need be factored into a discussion about being abandoned by friends, they would be:
A history of abandonment gives you a predisposition towards pushing others from your life, allowing you to maintain a victim mentality. If you assume the victim mentality, which is evident within the phrasing of your question, then you enter into a self-defeating vicious cycle of negativity that will only perpetuate further negative outcomes in your life.
The Moral High Ground
This comes back to the victim mentality, aiming for the moral high ground in order to play the victim when friends abandon you. Did your friends abandon you? Or did your friends remove themselves from your toxicity, shown in a pattern of sucking the life from them?
Those with mental health concerns often have people abandon them, but in essence, they haven't abandoned you at all. They've simply left the relationship to look after themselves first and foremost, just as you would if within any toxic relationship where you felt others dragging you downwards when in their presence.
Finding Middle Ground
This is the ultimate solution, so that friends aren't leaving you with the feeling of abandonment.
You have to be honest with yourself, about yourself, and about your needs and wants. Sounds simple, right? It's more complex than you think; it is the totality of holding friendships together.
A friendship is just that: a friendship. It is expected to be mutually beneficial to both parties, in that both parties make each other happy being in that friendship.
All relationships have limits, which depend on the seriousness and longevity of the relationship. If you have mental health issues, but your friends don't, and if they want positive times from the relationship, but you want support, both parties will not be able to get what they want. Thus, the relationship will fold.
Professionals exist to cater to mental health needs. Partners and families are stronger relationships than most friendships. If you want to maintain friendships while navigating your mental health, you need to be honest with yourself about your part of that relationship. Friends are not your 24/7 crisis counselors, there for you to dump all your negative issues upon, rely upon to cheer you up or any such thing.
Friendships are like any relationship. They have mutual boundaries, defined limits, and agreed purpose. If you have a gym buddy, then your relationship with them is as gym buddy. You may have another friend with whom you have coffee. Another, you may holiday with, and so forth.
Honestly, though, if you want to maintain friendships, you should work to keep mental health out of the equation. Sure, your friend can know about your past and present problems, but for the most part, you want to leave those aspects to your professional sessions, your family, and your partners. Those relationships are stronger and have far more solid foundations.
The above works best to keep and maintain long and short standing friendships. I say this from personal experience. Let them know about your mental health concerns if you want, or don't, but do not use friends to prop you up and support you, because any more than the occasional requests for support will quickly send your friend running for the hills. You will be severely crossing over the relationship boundaries by expecting them to emotionally support you on an ongoing basis.
Remember that friendships are typically positive experiences. If you feel good when leaving your friend, and they feel emotionally worn out due to boosting you up, then they're not having a positive friendship, are they?
For the most part, individuals control their own abandonment by friends--not always, but a good amount of control is present based on your respect for those relationships' boundaries.
Conclusion
As a PTSD sufferer, it's easy to blame another for what may be our own problem. It takes a lot of practice to look inwards--to self assess, evaluate, and provide accurate conclusions. Remember, don't jump to internal self-blaming first; that is counter intuitive. PTSD or not, anyone looking inwards to determine one's culpability is biased. To remove self-bias from self-assessment is a skill itself. Try to be as honest as you can about your part in the relationship, listen to their reason for leaving the relationship, then determine whether you have been abandoned or if you have perhaps pushed your friend away. Friendships are not created equal. They will not all stand the test of time.
There are many variables in answering this question, each dependent upon individual situations. If I were to name my top two variables that need be factored into a discussion about being abandoned by friends, they would be:
- Do you have a history of abandonment?
- Are you looking for the moral high ground?
A history of abandonment gives you a predisposition towards pushing others from your life, allowing you to maintain a victim mentality. If you assume the victim mentality, which is evident within the phrasing of your question, then you enter into a self-defeating vicious cycle of negativity that will only perpetuate further negative outcomes in your life.
The Moral High Ground
This comes back to the victim mentality, aiming for the moral high ground in order to play the victim when friends abandon you. Did your friends abandon you? Or did your friends remove themselves from your toxicity, shown in a pattern of sucking the life from them?
Those with mental health concerns often have people abandon them, but in essence, they haven't abandoned you at all. They've simply left the relationship to look after themselves first and foremost, just as you would if within any toxic relationship where you felt others dragging you downwards when in their presence.
Finding Middle Ground
This is the ultimate solution, so that friends aren't leaving you with the feeling of abandonment.
You have to be honest with yourself, about yourself, and about your needs and wants. Sounds simple, right? It's more complex than you think; it is the totality of holding friendships together.
A friendship is just that: a friendship. It is expected to be mutually beneficial to both parties, in that both parties make each other happy being in that friendship.
All relationships have limits, which depend on the seriousness and longevity of the relationship. If you have mental health issues, but your friends don't, and if they want positive times from the relationship, but you want support, both parties will not be able to get what they want. Thus, the relationship will fold.
Professionals exist to cater to mental health needs. Partners and families are stronger relationships than most friendships. If you want to maintain friendships while navigating your mental health, you need to be honest with yourself about your part of that relationship. Friends are not your 24/7 crisis counselors, there for you to dump all your negative issues upon, rely upon to cheer you up or any such thing.
Friendships are like any relationship. They have mutual boundaries, defined limits, and agreed purpose. If you have a gym buddy, then your relationship with them is as gym buddy. You may have another friend with whom you have coffee. Another, you may holiday with, and so forth.
Honestly, though, if you want to maintain friendships, you should work to keep mental health out of the equation. Sure, your friend can know about your past and present problems, but for the most part, you want to leave those aspects to your professional sessions, your family, and your partners. Those relationships are stronger and have far more solid foundations.
The above works best to keep and maintain long and short standing friendships. I say this from personal experience. Let them know about your mental health concerns if you want, or don't, but do not use friends to prop you up and support you, because any more than the occasional requests for support will quickly send your friend running for the hills. You will be severely crossing over the relationship boundaries by expecting them to emotionally support you on an ongoing basis.
Remember that friendships are typically positive experiences. If you feel good when leaving your friend, and they feel emotionally worn out due to boosting you up, then they're not having a positive friendship, are they?
For the most part, individuals control their own abandonment by friends--not always, but a good amount of control is present based on your respect for those relationships' boundaries.
Conclusion
As a PTSD sufferer, it's easy to blame another for what may be our own problem. It takes a lot of practice to look inwards--to self assess, evaluate, and provide accurate conclusions. Remember, don't jump to internal self-blaming first; that is counter intuitive. PTSD or not, anyone looking inwards to determine one's culpability is biased. To remove self-bias from self-assessment is a skill itself. Try to be as honest as you can about your part in the relationship, listen to their reason for leaving the relationship, then determine whether you have been abandoned or if you have perhaps pushed your friend away. Friendships are not created equal. They will not all stand the test of time.
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