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About me being a girl

Thread starter #769
Not great, just blah. I don’t want to talk about it. We are miserable. We shouldn’t be but it’s kind of the human condition. I have to try an Uber ride or a taskrabbit this week. Idk if I can do it or how I’ll react but I have to try it. I found a video that said we shouldn’t refinish the basement and had my wife watch it. We watched it together. It’s just more information. I already knew it more or less. The basement can’t be finished in effect, and doing it is just wasting money. It’s not a food investment.

That being said it’s an opinion and there are multitudinous factors. But I get what he said. We can vapor loc and winterize the outer walls for a minimal investment I believe. It just has to be able to dry out unless you get a sewage backup God forbid. But that was the point it’s a hole in the ground and any water ultimately ends up down there. So you better be able to rip it all out and, insurance probably won’t cover it.
Insurance companies know the basement is liable to flood.

All this is just more an impediment to us doing it which we have such a hard time doing any urban requires both of us. I just suspect it’s not healthy down there and we have had kids in the basements of our last two places for about ten years and no sign it’s going to let up.

The contractor thing is still going I and getting worse, can’t get anyone to show up and do anything.

My wife has to go to work after 9two weeks off so she’s miserable and no sex. It’s always the same she says “I’m not happy”, so no sex. Same thing, thirty years. Is we are old and miserable and broke but, gotta make the best of it. Hate Monday, gotta get ready kids to their programs.
 
Thread starter #770
My wife bought me a vacuum. I text this guy I’ve known for years that I probably would never have spoken with again, but he is the only person I know who would understand how excited I am. I’ve been lusting after it for years. She said it was because it was tax free weekend. I know it’s because she loves me. That’s her way of showing it. I’d prefer she come to bed which she will, when she gets around to it. Love is hard. She gave it to me on her way out the door to go take care of everything else. She made sure not to sleep with me the last few days. That’s her. I get to keep doing all the stuff she expects me to do and is critical of how I do it. I’m not supposed to mention it, how much I need love, and I’m certainly not supposed to show my temper. But I got a new cordless vacuum I hope will make keeping the house clean easier.
 
Thread starter #771
I have to take a moment about the beach, I even had a thread about it I remember and I was posting pictures in that thread and my diary and one other one. Too much work lol.

The beach is throughly northern and that is to say extreme. There very few really nice days because it’s really hot (so the water is frigid) really cold or the wind is blowing half a hurricane. I just tried to get some wind data but no luck. We have 2 windmills that power a fair percent of the houses and give us our own electric company.

Its that extreme that makes it so beautiful and it is. You have to walk it every day to experience all it’s moods and catch the weather right and have the right clothes on or off. But it’s incredible. Even in the awful weather. Sometimes the worse the weather gets, the more beautiful it is.

Today the wind was SE again and it was blowing 15 - 25. The sun was out very strong though late in the day. When we turned around and had the wind at our backs and the sun warming our fronts and getting blown along which makes you feel 20 lbs lighter. So nice.
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Thread starter #772
I’m halfway in between. We made love a couple days ago. She almost falls out of the bed with that orgasm. I really live for that. It’s being submissive in bed. That’s all so complicated. It’s been really therapy the last few months I’d say during covid. The whole thing came out or it all came out again. I’ve had plenty of time to chew it and it develops as it goes along. I can only laugh at how feminine I am. It’s impossible to live like that because I really can’t hide it efficiently. I feel like I’m better at being it now. But I had a little brush with the neighbors and it’s still there and if I need to “give an account of myself “ to anyone it’s really impossible. People don’t like me and that makes it hard. I like to think it’s just because I’m trying to hide it always so the signals I send out just make people not like me. But you have to fight with the men anyway, it’s phuck or fight with the men and they always are sizing each other up like dogs. Sniffing each other lol. I’m trying to just be myself and laugh off everything, just don’t get ruffled. My wife is SO good at it. My mother-in-law was too. They have such a way of “never taking any guff” from anyone but nobody notices. I’m jealous she is like that, she’s jealous I’m musical. We are doing it in bed but she won’t let me talk about it which is part of being “mouth naughty “ which is talking dirty. But knowing what’s going on changes everything. She likes the game, she’s the dom, but she won’t let me say it. I was laughing with her (a nice change) about how she is lol. She knows I see her but I have to be careful and not go too far she is so defensive about herself. She’s never at that. But she has this lockdown control on everything. It’s beyond maddening. She makes no excuse about it either . That’s just her. She’s the queen. She has no desire or need to be male, everyone bows down anyway. She had no need to push anyone around. She just makes everyone behave. It just is. But it’s funny when you expose her and she is comfortable enough to admit she’s doing that. Very disarming.
 
Thread starter #773
I got the trash out. The girls have no programs, long weekend. Therapy stuff means talking about sexual things for me. You could say my therapy is all about sex. My first long term therapist during trauma therapy said most of his job was people who weren’t getting “love”the way they wanted it. So now I’m supposed to be able to be girl boy me and everything is ok? We all know how to get love the way we want it, now we are just admitting the way we’ve been doing it. You get me off and I get you off. What could be wrong with that? Lol.
 
Thread starter #774
My son is coming home from his hitch in the US ARMY, which he completed successfully. I suppose that’s a subjective matter since he didn’t do much with his time, he didn’t get in trouble either. He did get an ARMY commendation for excellent job performance which we have framed on the wall. Proud parents. What’s he going to do now and what’s going to go on here we don’t know. My wife knows. She always knows everything because she always has everything all planned out. Which isn’t to say it goes the way she planned always, but she adjusts. I’m looking forward to it because for awhile it’ll be fun. It could be fun for a long time, that’s not necessary though, it’s only got to be tolerable. Anyway, we will see. I just want him out and the thing settled and we can move on. He was supposed to come home last month and didn’t, which totally messed us up about vacation and all that. My wife’s mad at him for that. He was always really terrible about letting us know what was going on, from about jr high on, really a terrible communicator. You don’t get to decide what your kids are going to be like though.
 
Thread starter #775
My body must be healthy I’m so horny lol. The cabbage soup is what causes the erections I’m almost positive. It’s nice to feel like you are twenty years old at my age. It’s hard to talk about being a girl still. It seems ridiculous and shameful but I would love to be able not to deal with male me. This is where the transition stuff comes in and I really understand and sympathise with them. I’m one of them actually but I can’t go there. sex is what I want to do always. But that particular side of things is just wanting to get rid of make me so I don't have to deal with his shortcomings. He is not able to take care of me all that well. It's really hard to talk about and the therapist isn't available. I can't get into saying bad stuff about him and how he's not a man because he is one but he can't be a man and do what I want to do because it's submissive.

If the other men get the idea you're submissive you are going to have problems. It wouldn't be bad if I was good at fighting but I'm good at phucking. That's where the submission comes in and as far as I can tell this is why I can't fight back because if I'm punching you it's probably not a good incentive to ask me out?

I don't expect anyone else to understand
this. The tranny's say, when are you going to transition? The therapist says I have to be a man for my wife and family. I can do it with women and I really like it that's not an issue.

It's just walking around. Dealing with the men and the neighbors and stuff. Relating to others and how they treat you. Men want respect you know and being me is not something that inspires respect in anyone else because I act like a girl. Because I feel like a girl.

So I'd it was a long time ago I'd probably transition to a certain extent not because I want to turn myself into a girl, I like boy me. But I would do it for him, boy me. So I could save him. Because he can't do it. He can't be queer and he can't be a girl and he can't be a man. That's a lot of cants, lol. It's also negative stuff and I don't direct a lot of negative stuff at him anymore he's had enough. I love him. I know it's not his fault and I think he's finally getting to know that too. It was really hard for him. He didn't understand why he couldn't do anything with people.
 
Thread starter #776
Now I have to do a “regular” post to cover for everything else I just said. There is SO much going on. But suffice to say I’m getting somewhere therapy wise? I like it, being me. It needs a few adjustments, a little tweaking. But sex is the real love of my life, the only real driving force. I just wish I had had a little more control about how I acted with others. Just enough to keep them off me (unless I wanted their attention).

That’s all for now I guess. I wrote a lot the last couple days, the moons full. 💋
 
Thread starter #777
Letting go of the man I was always trying to be. I would entitle that post (back 2) and I might send it to the therapist . I’m always a little mad at her because she went through this with me and she’s supposed to be an expert and I think she doesn’t get it. It’s like you finally told someone and they don’t know what you are talking about. She gets some of it. My wife probably gets more of it but she can’t talk. She likes to phuck but not talk about it. She likes it that I’m submissive but won’t say it. Just like she knows she has an overeating thing but she won’t talk. She deals with things herself and thinks everyone ought to be able to suk it up, because she can . I have to be seductive submissive. This is what girls do. They like to phuck but it’s not gentlemanly to make her ask you to do it or talk about it. Some girls like to seduce men though. Take the dim role and be the aggressor. Maybe it happens a more often but I tend t think the short skirts and low cut blouses usually do the trick. That runs out on them as they get older though. But I love letting the older girls know they are sexy as hell. : ). My wife might come in This morning but she’s liable to want to wait til tomorrow . I want another one of her big orgasms. I’ve been rubbing her feet and stuff the last couple days. Love those.
 
Thread starter #778
Eating fruity pancakes and listening to a sermon meaning, I’m in church. My wife came to bed this morning for snuggling not sex. It’s great. I asked if I could “do something for her” and she kinda snapped at me a little because I’ve gotten angry with her so often but I was like no, it’s fine. Love love love. Love pancakes, love sex, love God. I guess I’m loving life right now. If you are reading this I love you too. Just because I have enough so I can share. Hope you have love in your life today. : )
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Thread starter #779
the iPhone camera takes such beautiful pictures.

I think I’m shopping for a gun for concealed carry. I had one years ago that was good, S&W 642 airweight. A 5 shot hammer less revolver. I’m not totally sure mostly from being cheap. Shooting is expensive.

There is so much violence now or I keep hearing about it. I saw a guy on the beach acting up up the other day I really hate that. Anything like that brings back my feelings. It’s like a black hole. Only other people do that to me. I look at it now like my girl response. It’s ok for girls to be scared and not have to try and handle anything violent between the men. There was a girl trying to calm him down. At first I thought they were fighting, like drunk fighting, like he might hit her. I was scared because then I’d have to stop it. That’s what any man would do you are supposed to be able. I’m not though. I’m supplying sex to someone else and they are supposed to protect me. That’s the old way. So you can be a girl or queer if you can’t, or you can live with the shame. Being either of those would have a shame of its own associated, but not the same . Only the other men understand this. At least I don’t think I ever got my wife or the therapist to understand it. Even though we listen to books about the wars all the time and the men in the military certainly exhibited nothing but that behavior. I’m over it mostly. I just don’t expect anything from me anymore in terms of dealing with others, that way I don’t disappoint, not even me. The Japanese commit suicide over that kind of shame, losing face . So the transgender thing really benefited me. Because it showed me other people had dealt with it. I didn’t like the idea. I know I wrote this about that book the therapist gave me. I’m traumatised still from it. It was by a man that had transitioned and I got the distinct impression she hated male her so much she killed him by surgically making herself a girl. I felt suffocated for him. I also felt the fear because he couldn’t escape (himself). Sex fixes all that. So that triggered feeling is real. Being frozen.
 
Thread starter #780
Labor Day and another summer in the books. The beach was crowded and it was hot. We went mid day to get the tide. The beach won’t look crowded but in a few hours when the tide rolls in it’ll be mobbed.
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