About me being a girl

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
I failed horribly lol.

edit: I did fail horribly. I’m better now. I made a bunch of mistakes yesterday mostly trying to do way too much. I was painting doors. Doors are hard. I didn’t pull off the hardware and a cinch if other stupid stuff and I got mad.

just like I wanted to.

Now I’m sleepy and sexy in bed. Can’t get enuf. Its enuf though. I’m happy because I’m able to put myself in that. It’s like a well being meditation. Sex heals me. Sleep too, but I’m not sleeping. I do have the magic erection always. That’s the cabbage soup. When my wife’s around it’s hypnotic. How can you not think about sexy always while your body is doing a 20 year old thing? That’s what I call good health.

I got a rash on my arm weird. I thought it was a bruise and a bad one. A cluster of purple welts. Then I realized I didn’t get hurt. It took about a day for it to filter into my poor confused old brain that it had just appeared overnight. I took some pics in case I heave to send them to my PCP. It seems to be going but slowly. Body changes severe. I’m in my sixties and it’s steadily speeding up. We are being overtaken by old age.

it’s not so bad, you become philosophical. Death is coming but death is always right around the corner. You start to realize you could have died anytime from almost anything and it becomes relative. It’s not why think about it or don’t, it’s just irrelevant. It can’t be thought about, not rationally anyway. I’m here now and then I won’t be. Same as everybody else.

The way it’s always been.
 

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
I woke up dreaming about sex. Talking about it is vulgar. I was just reading a bit and someone was describing some ugly behavior. Not sex but criminal and violent. I was around people once who made a habit out of saying how bad they were and so by default still are. The problem is I don’t believe people really change so don’t tell me. I might like you and if I don’t know about you I might even trust you. I hate everyone lol. I hope my baby comes in and loves me mmmmmmmm.💋❤️💋
 

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
The board is good today! Interesting posts . There are lots of newbs around asking questions and telling their stories, it’s fun.
 

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
It’s all about sex which isn’t to say making love directly but who is on top. If you make me a girl it’s easy. Words don’t explain it so everyone ignores it and moves on. How does she decide who she’s going to have sex with? Leave it at that. That’s why I’m like I am. Since I’m a boy though and girls like me for that, it’s all confusing. Simple right?
 

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
I’m conveniently angry my wife hasn’t come in to “see” if I need her “help”. I’m not angry, not yet. Not till she says “good morning”, which means get up and do as you’re told in spite of my ignoring you this morning. I can’t do that, especially since she will go on to say “let’s go to church”, because phuck that.

But we all know this.
 

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
She came in and nobody had an orgasm though not for lack of trying. We are at a funny place. The worlds gone crazy but things are ok here for now. I have to do an hour or so touch up painting. I don’t want to take care of the house. Everything is so expensive. Everything is bs. It’s Monday or moan day, lol. Thanksgiving week. A nightmare of food and nostalgia. God bless everyone.

That’s how I’m feeling right this moment.
 

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
I can’t believe it’s Wednesday and I’m not here as much. I’m doing a sex thing with my wife and it takes up all of me. That’s how she is. It makes me laugh sometimes these people who never dealt with a really strong woman. The therapist gave me a pain in the ass I was real open and she started talking about something she shouldn’t its weird. There are boundaries . She has some strange ideas about men. She’s involved in getting these men together for healing . I don’t even know what else to say about that. I could never deal with anything like that. They do weekends I think it’s insane. She brought it up in therapy and I’m gonna correct her again. I’m developing the whole thing in my mind. I let her correct me so it’s only fair.

It’s very like dealing with my wife. I don’t get to say “no”. When I say no the woman hears “try again later”. So my wife just did that too regarding another old pattern. I said “no it’s over” and she comes back and slips it in later, attached to another thing. Like the phucking politicians do. So I gotta bring it up with my wife and she’s gonna get mad. This is a really old old tape about company.

My wife wants guests for thanksgiving I don’t like. She makes it ok by saying “oh they won’t come” but it opens the door.

There is a website with chat that I won’t even mention it in here anymore . It was so bad I’d say it was more or less like a bath house with a recovery meeting front. I would like to participate in group and I told her I would. That’s another whole can of worms. Anyway she’s great but I’m not sure how we proceed . I’m not interested in playing with her and “her boys”. She says I’m homophobic which makes me laugh.

it’s like joking about Romeo and Juliet. Montagues and Capulets, catholic’s and Protestants. We see things differently.
 

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
I cleaned and cooked today so I wouldn’t be anxious. My wife tricked me I’m mad about that but, I know the holidays are not really great for either of us. I’m leaving in 15 minutes to get my daughter. I need to get a job too. That’s horrible because I’m not sure I can but my wife can’t work anymore either . Not that great but the house is clean and I made soup. You need soup over thanksgiving to cut through all the strange food. My stomach will be upset . I don’t even eat ice cream except a little bowl or drink eggnog . Hits my stomach awful now I’m totally desensitised and cleaned out. Too healthy to eat junk.
 

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
So horny, lol. The therapist was a bad girl. She thinks she can define right and wrong and be morally superior. This is what the PC words do. But I spoke to her two weeks ago and I was being abusive. There is a part of me about sex and it’s abusive and you can hear it sometimes in the language. So she says to me that I can’t talk to her like that because it’s “wrong”, she feels “wronged”, and that would be because she says so. My wife uses similar reasoning. Who determines right and wrong holds sway. That’s it. That’s what we’re talking about.

But it’s not reasoning, it’s about power.

A family members orientation
An unreal phobia.
Weekends
Boundaries

this is a note to the therapist. I never show her any of this stuff anymore. She skips around a lot . Not staying on task is promiscuous
 

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
DONT READ THIS if you get triggered by POLITICAL POSTS

Political news here in the US has been banging us all back and forth like a tennis ball and everyone is revolting over the stupid masks . I can’t go to Phucking stores. You can’t say happy thanksgiving while everyone is masked down it’s stupid.

sheep lined up in masks

There was good news though, general Flynn’s is pardoned. He is some sort of lynchpin in all this I don’t pretend to understand it all. I follow my Australian guy. I posted a link here in a thread that was like a led zeppelin.

I know there are always patriots, always a remnant.

im a history buff as you know if you’ve read any of this and I’ve been doing Durants “the reformation”. It’s book six in his history of civilization. A little light reading.

Happy Phanksgiving, God bless Patriots and lovers of freedom everywhere. I’m not wearing my mask, I can’t have sex in that stupid thing.
 

mumstheword

MyPTSD Pro
DONT READ THIS if you get triggered by POLITICAL POSTS

Political news here in the US has been banging us all back and forth like a tennis ball and everyone is revolting over the stupid masks . I can’t go to Phucking stores. You can’t say happy thanksgiving while everyone is masked down it’s stupid.

sheep lined up in masks

There was good news though, general Flynn’s is pardoned. He is some sort of lynchpin in all this I don’t pretend to understand it all. I follow my Australian guy. I posted a link here in a thread that was like a led zeppelin.

I know there are always patriots, always a remnant.

im a history buff as you know if you’ve read any of this and I’ve been doing Durants “the reformation”. It’s book six in his history of civilization. A little light reading.

Happy Phanksgiving, God bless Patriots and lovers of freedom everywhere. I’m not wearing my mask, I can’t have sex in that stupid thing.
I do follow a lot of it. Its s fascination for me. Don't worry. Tje good guys will win. Flynny is one of them. So is his lawyer Sydney Powell. She is set to oblitetate "the deep state" with her corruption uncovering. Like she did in the book she wrote, but better ... "The Kraken" that she will unleech VERY soon will have the lying c*ntfaces whp pose as mainstream media looking very eggy-in-their-faces. Flynn should have bern exonerated but too many corrupt arseholes still need to be purged. It's coming 🙂😄😅
 

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
We had a little tiff to start thanksgiving,
I do follow a lot of it. Its s fascination for me. Don't worry. Tje good guys will win. Flynny is one of them. So is his lawyer Sydney Powell. She is set to oblitetate "the deep state" with her corruption uncovering. Like she did in the book she wrote, but better ... "The Kraken" that she will unleech VERY soon will have the lying c*ntfaces whp pose as mainstream media looking very eggy-in-their-faces. Flynn should have bern exonerated but too many corrupt arseholes still need to be purged. It's coming 🙂😄😅
Thanks, where I am it’s really ugly. The commie governor closed liquor stores and bars last night, I couldn’t buy a bottle of port this morning to cook with, may they all rot in hell. There is no death rate, when you factor in the normal death rate, so a lot of real suffering has been caused for nothing. Yes I agree he will win, but it’s going to cost something as it should . It was our fault we let it go on but, it’s like not stopping the abuse I suppose, what good is it to worry about what should have happened, except as a lesson going forward. “This can never be allowed to happen again.”

If you look at history it’s easier to understand, but that’s not to say it’s any easier to swallow. Lol!

God bless you and yours it’s Thanksgiving, I love my family. What else is there ?
 
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