About me being a girl

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
Not so good right now. I went downstairs and found the hot water heater leaking. I do t feel like telling her because if I do I’m taking care of her while she continues to ignore me. So I called the plumber and cleaned up a little and now I’m back in my room.

It’s pretty awful because I would always be upset with a thing like this and we haven’t been intimate and I’m all feeling betrayed and all that and I have no one to cry to. I’m wanting help and I’m wanting someone to take it out in and I have nothing!

But chin up! Being ok is the best revenge. Even if I’m not lol. My daughter misbehaved this morning on my wife and son I guess they took her out on her weekend errand and I guess she wanted to go somewhere and it wasn’t on the schedule. She can behave very badly it’s a real psychological assault.

So nobody is having much of a day right now.
 

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
I feel better. I was real patient with her and understanding which is a fault of mine with women. I don’t think all wives are bad. Or all husbands. I just think you vie with each other for control. I think you are supposed to be partners but real world? Probably about ten percent. Everyone else fights to one degree or other . You end up in neutral corners in an effort to end hostilities lol. I am a little bitter but it was worth it because you will never know otherwise . If you don’t marry you risk letting the right one get away. So I’m a hopeless romantic.

Besides, I like women.
 

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
I don’t say what I want even here to myself. Nobody wants to hear it including me lol!

I have a pleasure trigger , time for sex. I wanna make a thread but threads fo nowhere here and it’s a little disappointing besides this is too hard to talk about.

I have the same ptsd symptoms produced by trauma because mine was it’s just that the trigger is associated with pleasure . So I’m addition to being triggered and having an episode which is entirely unpleasant, I get triggered about 10 times a day and have episodes that are entirely pleasant. I would say this accounts for all sex maniacs, but people get triggered. I get triggered when people wanna put me in a box too.

This is what’s meant by hyper sexuality. If you have to be addicted to something it’s not so bad. Back rubs are free sex and foot rubs are extra.
 

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
I tried another arthritis med and it’s not working. Indocin. I’m not getting stomach upset but I’m very woozy and I didn’t even take a whole one 50mg. My arthritis has escalated recently and now my pain level is severe. Not always but often enough. I’m sitting inside coat and hat on lol. The plumber just left they installed a new hot water heater. The house we were forced to buy thanks again to my wife not co operating, has been awful as far as the cash we’ve had to put into the it in 2 years. It was supposed to not need anything. We weren’t properly represented in the transaction and all the people that we paid to work for us did nothing to protect us.
 

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
Can’t even write lol. My wife’s trying to get rid of me which is nothing new, every time I try and defend myself if stand up for myself she does the same thing. But she made me get married, I’ll be damned if she’ll make me divorce. No love. It’s lonely .
 

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
I reconciled with my wife which means “gave up”. “The terms she mentioned for sex are monstrous”. That’s a slightly changed quote from George Washington’s guy about the price of bread from the book patriot pirates. All you can do is laugh. Her behavior is so bad but she doesn’t care because we arrived at the same old agreement we made when we got married, submit or leave. So not slavery per se, but slavery by another name. A rose is a rose. Roses are nice but the thorns! OUCH!
 

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
Love and hate. We live in a world of duality so things go back and forth. The greatest pleasure produces the greatest pain when lost. Plotting my enemies demise gives way to love. Wanting to act and make myself be known leads to behavior that inevitably makes the situation worse, for me. I’m way out on a limb but I’m not depressed. I’m being forced out of my house, my refuge and my hiding place. Girl me wants love and deserves it. People see men as soldiers. I might go into trans treatment if they won’t let off abusing me. That’s what I mean though threats. My wife started this whine thing by threatening me all those years ago. I had the phone in my hand to postpone the wedding (and get my deposits back) and she threatend me horribly. She was sitting there pregnant I didn’t even hardly know her and she said so angrily I’ll never have sex with you again. I put down the phone and lost the battle forever. Once you’ve given away your power the vampire couldn’t care less how you cry or beg. She would say all that stuff was true but about me.

Whenever I say i need something she turns it on me and says she needs it more. Smart fighting.
 

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
I’m crawling out into her bed now mornings which had been when we make love in the last 10 years or maybe always . It’s the only time we have enough energy. That’s what a hopeless little wimp I am. But she has me by the balls unless I man up and leave lol. If I have an affair I give her the keys. Unless I don’t get caught but my experience? The truth comes out. I don’t wanna get caught with that one because she’d turn off her love. There is still a chance now. See I’m afraid of her . In her book I should be. That’s fair, as far as she’s concerned all women have the right to do that to men.

But I just kept quiet and didn’t hit her with any of the threats I lie awake all night dreaming up, When i talk it just makes her mad. She is the single most silent person I’ve ever known.
 

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
Same old. Back to ruing the magic lamp, her. This i did countless years for countless hours only to have her get up and say thanks, like I should be fine without a happy ending. Then she tells me I need to grow up Lol. Can’t make this stuff up.

but I learned something. It’s probably too hard to explain, you’d have to be me for a little. I can back off a little on the behavior meaning let her get away with it. I can have some rights but she wins, I’m making the concessions, I always did. That’s on me I got married and I refuse to leave. So now all that’s up to me is my attitude and it’s all I can work with.

I can’t influence these monsters I can only laugh.

My kid is leaving within a week. I’m ashamed to say how I feel about him, about any of them. She always shamed me. It’s a disgrace. Then she wants to know why I can’t do things lol.

When I got her orgasm that way, she knew I’d reached the pinnacle. She knew this was all I wanted. She’s not about to let an opportunity like that go by.
 

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
We got along we went out for dinner which we’ve done rarely this year, with our family of course we are never alone. I’m tying not to pressure her for sex or if I ask her just laugh it off if she says no. Part of me doesn’t mind this and part of me is angry because I know she’s grooming me.

She just wants me to behave.

The angry part feels like I shouldn’t hold still for that and most would just laugh at what the women do to the men. If she ever heard me say that, she’d solve it simply with fine, I’ll never have sex with you again. Nice. But I did see something in it meaning, backing off on her because I’m just getting frustrated out of it. What good is that? So if I Lean on her sex and get mad at her rejection I don’t get mad. I don’t get laid either. It’s really worth not getting mad, almost.

The sex thing for me is really bad. Such a severe trigger lol. I practically drive off the road.

My wife wanted to make plans at the restaurant for my sons departure but he won’t go along with her nonsense. He’s a total minimalist and won’t do anything until the last second when he absolutely has to and he could care less. I support him in that.

He took all the stuff in high school I wish I’d taken, all the college stuff. Chemistry Physics pre calc. He didn’t have to study. It’s really aggravating to see someone who actually can do things but won’t. He got training in the service and now he’s going to school where he will be working so all his training is career specific. He says he’d rather do that than college. He thinks he’s smart and he probably is. Nobody will ever really know. My wife was the same way. She was extremely advanced socially but she just avoided anything difficult so she’d never be challenged.

Oh well. You can’t do anything with people.
 

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
I’m silent and when I don’t talk there is no trouble. No trouble is good. I’m not patient, but I can work on it. I go out and get in her bed in the morning, bringing the mountain to Mohammad. My bff and I call this behavior, which entails lying next to her and petting her in hopes she’ll say ‘yes’, rubbing the magic lamp. The weather is warming up and the crocus and daffodils are up.
 

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
I’m back to keeping up the housework a little better I had slacked off after my son came home and his mom and I were fighting. I’m doing it again though. He will be gone soon. My wife is making all kinds of plans to get him down there and situated. He will take what he is offered but she’s not pawning off any furniture on him. He’s too smart. I have therapy now I have to run out to the car. It’s been 2 weeks. I don’t feel like talking to her except to catch up and flirt lol. I’m too tired for therapy. My arthritis has been getting worse and it’s killing me. The Celebrex does take the edge off I think. The oxycodone is not very effective except it makes things pleasant overall and I don’t mind the pain as much. I have none left but I was only doing 5 mg per day over a whole day and they don’t do much at that level.
 
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