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User5558
This souds really absurd and im posting this because i have never found anything about this and this is my only hope also im a teenager.
I Did coding on scratch.mit.edu (and still do) thre is a new scratcher scratcher user rank system that was made to avoid spam i guess i always loved coding it's my favourite thing to do for years i coded jappily without any bad feelings but there was always that become a scratcher button on my profile page i always thought it was make a new account link that anyone could see for years that was there, then one day it happened. I decided to click it Then i realized that i never had the scratcher rank and never for all those years i never was a real scratcher i said it was almost half of my life (but my profile page joined ago thkng says otherwise i don't know if it was a bug or do i just remember it wrong) I started to cry, I was in panic terror after that day my life was never the same. I don't remember a day it wasn't in my mind after that i started avoiding coding for months i avoided but then i was like NO! I can't avoid this it's my favourite thing to do but when i went to do it my whole body was agaist it i almost had to close the program the quality of my projects also went down i just quickly did the project shared it and let it be so yes i do get triggired by coding and also old projects too i almost never return to those they remind me of the time my ptsd was at it's worst or the times i didn't have this terrible curse i felt like do i really like this anymore? Should i just quit? No but i can't! Right? Do i just do it For the sake of doing it It's got better over the years and my project's are better and i ged just a little less anxious and some days are not that bad coding days but i still might a void or delay i just want to enjoy coding again i just want to truly and fully like scratch (and other coding) again its been 4.5 years and i feel bad and guilty because of such an absurd thing and wasting my life beacuse of it also alse when this started my behavior got better at school because i was depressed (i have asperger and a slight ADHD) im always told that it's just my aspergers and such i distract myself from the memories and feelings by plaing video games or watching tv or by going shopping or also to avoid coding
Life would simply be so much better for me i i just don't get triggered by coding there is also a therapist like huy at my school (he isn't much of help) i always set a goal for coding per day it's usually 1 hour a day so i don't aboid it and i expose myself to it but the anxiety hasn't gone down so and i get upset when i don' do it. Also my chronic constipation went away when this started. I was always scared to ask other people in the internet but im desprate i also developed OCD regarding this but thats a whole difderent thing i Didn't stop coding because i still don't want and i can't avoid it and code is everywhere and also when this was beginning i was starting to give up on electronics entirely and social media i became the wery thing i didn't like i became a boring old man thecnically.
I eventually realised that that was a bad idea and got back to coding but that was a long time ago i also think i have cptsd but im not sure about it because the symptons match more and most of my tratments didn't work because those don't work for cptsd but not every thing matches but many but it also was just one trumatic event that caused this so im not sure because it's usually long term trauma
i also might have bpd because sometumes i get andgry at friends and right after say im really sorry but im not sure i just want the right treatment i once thogyt to gove up coding but that can't be right. Right? So somebody please help i want to coding vocational school and vocational school starts in 1.5 years and i don't know what to do im gonna be there 3 years so yeah and i looked up that i shoildnt distract myself with media but everithing i do seems like a distraction so what can i do and do i just have to sit and do nothong sorry this is so long im writing this in panic just somebody please help!!!
I Did coding on scratch.mit.edu (and still do) thre is a new scratcher scratcher user rank system that was made to avoid spam i guess i always loved coding it's my favourite thing to do for years i coded jappily without any bad feelings but there was always that become a scratcher button on my profile page i always thought it was make a new account link that anyone could see for years that was there, then one day it happened. I decided to click it Then i realized that i never had the scratcher rank and never for all those years i never was a real scratcher i said it was almost half of my life (but my profile page joined ago thkng says otherwise i don't know if it was a bug or do i just remember it wrong) I started to cry, I was in panic terror after that day my life was never the same. I don't remember a day it wasn't in my mind after that i started avoiding coding for months i avoided but then i was like NO! I can't avoid this it's my favourite thing to do but when i went to do it my whole body was agaist it i almost had to close the program the quality of my projects also went down i just quickly did the project shared it and let it be so yes i do get triggired by coding and also old projects too i almost never return to those they remind me of the time my ptsd was at it's worst or the times i didn't have this terrible curse i felt like do i really like this anymore? Should i just quit? No but i can't! Right? Do i just do it For the sake of doing it It's got better over the years and my project's are better and i ged just a little less anxious and some days are not that bad coding days but i still might a void or delay i just want to enjoy coding again i just want to truly and fully like scratch (and other coding) again its been 4.5 years and i feel bad and guilty because of such an absurd thing and wasting my life beacuse of it also alse when this started my behavior got better at school because i was depressed (i have asperger and a slight ADHD) im always told that it's just my aspergers and such i distract myself from the memories and feelings by plaing video games or watching tv or by going shopping or also to avoid coding
Life would simply be so much better for me i i just don't get triggered by coding there is also a therapist like huy at my school (he isn't much of help) i always set a goal for coding per day it's usually 1 hour a day so i don't aboid it and i expose myself to it but the anxiety hasn't gone down so and i get upset when i don' do it. Also my chronic constipation went away when this started. I was always scared to ask other people in the internet but im desprate i also developed OCD regarding this but thats a whole difderent thing i Didn't stop coding because i still don't want and i can't avoid it and code is everywhere and also when this was beginning i was starting to give up on electronics entirely and social media i became the wery thing i didn't like i became a boring old man thecnically.
I eventually realised that that was a bad idea and got back to coding but that was a long time ago i also think i have cptsd but im not sure about it because the symptons match more and most of my tratments didn't work because those don't work for cptsd but not every thing matches but many but it also was just one trumatic event that caused this so im not sure because it's usually long term trauma
i also might have bpd because sometumes i get andgry at friends and right after say im really sorry but im not sure i just want the right treatment i once thogyt to gove up coding but that can't be right. Right? So somebody please help i want to coding vocational school and vocational school starts in 1.5 years and i don't know what to do im gonna be there 3 years so yeah and i looked up that i shoildnt distract myself with media but everithing i do seems like a distraction so what can i do and do i just have to sit and do nothong sorry this is so long im writing this in panic just somebody please help!!!