• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Dom Violence Abusive husband, scared of outcome

Status
Not open for further replies.
A

Anonykoursdg3345

It all started in December 2012, I got to know him via my sister as she was dating his mate. I didn’t know who he was, I never seen him, I only spoken to him over the phone .

Fast forward to feb 2013, we were dating, it felt like he was a blessing sent from God. I always used to ask myself what have I done to deserve such a good man. I have never dated in my life he was the first man in my life. It was like the purpose of us meeting was simply to get together.

Years went on and we used to argue all the time, sometimes he would abuse me, hit me, pass me mean comments but I thought it would get better by time.

In December 2015 I wasn’t feeling well, I knew I was pregnant, I just knew it, I booked an appointment with my doctor in January and it was confirmed

Me and him was very serious about each other. As I was studying, we wanted to wait till we got married but in March 2016 my parents found out I was pregnant. I was abused by them and they tried to kill my unborn baby, they used some home remedies to abort my unborn, but the next day while they were sleeping I ran away to him, and from then on we been living together and married .

During my pregnancy, after I had moved in with him, I would get weakness all over my body. I would collapse and even today doctors don’t know what it is ( I now know it was because of me stressing all the time because of him,)

After my daughter was born in September 2016 my condition just got worse. Doctors didn’t know what was wrong. I had no energy. I put on weight. I would comfort myself with food

We used to argue, he used to hit me, but I just prayed it all would get better.

Years went on and I still didn’t get better I would get severe weakness in my body that bad that I couldn’t look after myself and my daughter. It was getting so severe, I had no energy. I was stressing and fully dependent on him. I don’t drive, and because of me collapsing and feeling so unwell, I always need someone to be there. Being to the doctors they still couldn’t find out what it was .

I couldn’t sleep, I was housebound, scared and lonely. I had no one. I got severe anxiety and panic attacks . He would fat shame me and say horrible stuff to me, he would say I was good for nothing, he would never praise me but make me feel bad about myself, he said he pays the rent and would kick me out, he would threatened me and abuse me yell at me because he was the man, he would expect me to stay quiet and not reply or yell back at him and if I did he would go insane

Slowly I realised each time he used to argue with me or hit me it got worse the weakness would kick in and I would collapse and I wouldn’t be able to get up some days. It got so bad my whole body would be shaking, I couldn’t eat coz my hand was shaking and had no energy to lift the spoon or hold the glass. I couldn’t put on my clothes, I couldn’t go to the toilet I needed help still no one believed me. I never told doctors about my abusive husband

I realised I needed to leave him, or else I won’t get better - but I still believed something will happen and he will change.

Everything soon got better and we were so happy and I started feeling physically and mentally well. But then it all started again, we started arguing and he started hitting me infront of our daughter, he wouldn’t help me he would stress me out and alwayS make me feel useless and ugly .

My health got worse and doctors didn’t understand it but I started figuring it out

Today it happened again and I promised it would be the last time

I know I should leave but I’m alone weak and disable.

I don’t want to live like this, I’m dependent on him because of my health. I know I won’t be able to survive on my own. I have no support no family. I’m all alone with my baby (that’s what he says)

He’s so nice and good we get on well but when he’s like that idk what to do

I just can’t live like this, I want to get better. My health is my priority now. I can’t live like this forever constant stressing and crying have made me so ill

With a heavy heart I think I will leave, or else I will never know I might get better or I might get worse but I have decided I need help. The only thing is keeping me back is my health, because the weakness is holding me back, the collapse, the stress. But I will go and today I finally wrote to you guys.

I hope you guys can help me physically and mentally

I don’t know where to go or what to do, I’m not physically well, I will need some assistance but my priority is getting away from this hell.

Even thought I’m still hoping that it all will get better, I love him but now it’s about my health I’m not alone it’s about my daughter and me. Even though I love him dearly even when he takes care of me but I will never get better if I’m with him.

Really re thinking if I should send this as I don’t want to leave because of my health and my love for him he’s so good to me but a monster when he’s abusive

Any advice would be helpful

Bear in mind I’m not well and need a lot of assistance. I can’t climb stairs, I would just collapse, so i locked myself inside and never go out. Probably one of the reason holding me back. Because this health is so severe, and he’s like the person who assist me and I’m dependent on him (he always says no one will look after me if I leave him)

Idk what to do, I’m just hoping for a miracle I’m in a situation where I want to get well but then I know if I stay I would never get well but if I leave whose going to help me and look after me? But then I will never know if I don’t leave. I just wish I got better. He’s so good towards me, but when he’s abusive he’s a monster. Maybe it’s the work stress that gets to him ....

I’m not the same person anymore , I miss my old self .

Sorry if it’s confusing I’m in tears and confused myself :(
 
Hi, I don' know which country you are in, if you are in the uk you can ring the national domestic violence helpline Expect to have to leave a message saying your name and number and giving a period of time in the next 24 hours that is safe for them to ring you back.

Abusive men don't change for the better, usually they become more and more abusive over time.

Two books which you might find very helpful indeed are
Lundy Bancroft - Why Does he do That? Inside the minds of angry and controlling men
And Patricia Evans -The Verbally Abusive Relationship

Do you have any friends or family you could try to get any help from? I know you mentioned problems with your parents, ate you still in touch with them? Do they know what your partner is like?

Well done on posting :-)
Maybe consider joining here and getting peer support?
Best wishes
 
I really want to encourage you to keep working on a plan to get away, i recently left and it’s sad and hard and I miss my dog and kids and every day I want to go back but this time I won’t. I’ve only been gone two weeks but In this time no one has called me a name, put me down, abused me.. and it’s been nice.
I’m confident that if you can summon to strength to get away from your life and happiness sucking dude you will start to feel better physically and mentally very soon. You can do this you are stronger than you know!
Even if your physical strength isn’t where you want it to be yet you can exercise mental strength. Play mind games where you throw his nasty comments in a trash or imagine them rolling off your back and not bothering you.. sounds silly but it’s little things like that that start turning your thinking in the right direction.
Good luck and stay safe!
 
I just can’t live like this, I want to get better. My health is my priority now.

I reached the same place....it was one of the things that scared me half to death. If he was this mean when I was very ill....I imagined my future with him and it was even scarier.

It is hard but it can be done, I have spoken to so many now and so many bad circumstances but they got free. I have no support and I did it too.

My suggestion, first thing would be contact the DV hotline and start calling and talking with people in your area. They can put you in touch with support services and you can find out what is available. Its a big scary step but you'll feel better after you reach out, those folks are wonderful. If you reach a dead end, call another! That is how I found my support group.....they aren't even in my county but they "took" me.

I’m not the same person anymore , I miss my old self

You reached out to us....I think your "old self" is still there and wants to be free. I felt the same way, and I am on the other side these days and I truly did not think it would be possible.

I hope you will join here, its a great place to get support and I'm glad you posted.

Post here, make some calls....baby steps add up and before you know it you are making progress.

Best, Whirlwind
 
Can I kindly ask the moderator to delete this thread, I was the one who created it as a guest and now I can’t delete it as obviously I didn’t make a account I’m new to this it only asked me for a username I expected it to ask for email password etc
This issue is now solved
For safety and privacy reason pls delete this tread
 
Hi - we don’t delete threads. If there is specific identifying information you are concerned about, please provide us more detail in a help-ticket.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top