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Sufferer Accepting i have ptsd

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donsabi

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Hi folks,
I enlisted in the marine corps and served four years without any combat experience. I was 21 years old when I was honorably discharged. When I went into the corp I was clean and sober and returned to civilian life a drunk. I boozed it up for about twenty five years until my mind and body could take no more. Trying to get sober put me in a psychiatry hospital and upon discharge was treated for more than ten years for depression and anxiety. I was on every medication for both and not one drug helped and actually pushed me into a suicide mode. During one of my therapy sessions I was told I have PTSD. I dismissed this because I was never in combat. I was told that it combat is not the only thing that causes PTSD. With the exception of a some very rough treatment in boot camp I could not think of any incident that may have caused my PTSD and was told that I most likely have suppressed memories.
Upon retirement from work I was given a bottle of Clonazepam and sent on my way.
Ten years later I learned that I was addicted to benzos and met with another psychiatrist at my latest location and was once again diagnosed with PTSD. The doctor told me I was a classic case for PTSD by using booze as a drug and upon sobering up was using psychotropic medications to treat my PTSD. This time I believed him.
At my next VA annual physical I told this to the examining GP and I was sent to a VA psychiatrist. This psychiatrist told me that it would be impossible to have PTSD if I were never in combat.
I was drunk for twenty five years, on SSRI's, benzos, and even off-label psychotropic for another ten years, and finally put on Clonazepam and sent on my way. After I realized I was addicted to the Clonazepam it took me over three years to get clean. Now I have symptoms typical of PTSD that are not near as severe as they were in the past but are still present. I went to the VA and given disability papers to submit. The problem is I still can't remember an incident bad enough to cause PTSD unless, as it was suggest, it is a suppressed memory.
I am looking for any ideas as I am on Medicare and Medicare will provide meds but no therapy. Without the therapy I don't see how I will ever remember what happed to me.
Comments appreciated, thanks.
 
I wish I could help you in a more substantial way but I can't. But, I can tell you that Medicare does cover therapy. I use it for my PTSD therapy and it has no limit. Maybe because you have V.A coverage it negates the medicare coverage? I don't know how that all works. But, it is common knowledge that PTSD is not just caused by military trauma. I was never in the military. My PTSAD is from medical, childhood, and other abuses. Can you not receive mental health counseling through the V.A. without a diagnosis of PTSD? Can you not see a different Dr.? Or are you not able to hire your own civilian Psychologist? Is that not something you can do now...new policy giving you this right? Anyway, I hope you can find the assistance that you need. You are willing to have the help and that is a large step in going forward in your self care. You can always post some of your concerns and ask for advice under the military forum, here. There are lots of people here who will encourage you and give you support as you strive to get help for yourself. Glad that you found this forum. It is a great place to land.
 
None of the symptoms of PTSD are unique to PTSD... They all exist in other disorders. So, ditto, I think you’re in the black to be questioning the diagnosis // any clinician that says you “must” have repressed memories is sloppy as f*ck, and worse, dangerous as hell.

SemperFi
 
This psychiatrist told me that it would be impossible to have PTSD if I were never in combat.
Sounds like a quack, what about like, rape, and physical abuse, and child abuse, and like the metric shitload of things that have nothing to do with combat that could cause it?

I have never had anything to do with the military, myself. My PTSD is from an extremely abusive relationship I was in, for about 4 years - I was physically beaten, to the point of even having bones broken, I was sexually assaulted regularly - and there was so much more horrible shit done to me by him, so much more - I am not even going to get into explaining more, suffice as to say, I had a bunch of bad shit happen and my body developed PTSD as a result. It doesn't take a bunch of bad shit though, it could develop from just one single thing that happened, and combat is not a requirement for bad shit to happen.

Fear for my life was also a huge element of my trauma. You don't need to be in combat to have intense fear for your life, to have horrible things happen to you, or around you - you can be anyone, anywhere - nothing prevents bad shit from happening to people.

Many of us also have issues with minimizing our traumas, which can make it hard to say "yeah, okay, I have qualifying trauma/traumas" because we often don't see what happened as "bad enough" - from a first-person perspective.

It's fine to be questioning your diagnosis if you can't put your finger on anything that could have caused it - maybe reading through lists of what sorts of things are qualifying traumas, would help you figure things out? Or maybe reading through this site and the different subsections some, seeing if anything stands out as something close to something you've experienced? There might be things that you aren't considering to be "bad enough", that you have experienced, that are actually "bad enough."

It's also totally possible that you don't have PTSD - basically, @Friday nailed it down - loads of other things share symptoms - the presence of these symptoms, on their own, doesn't require PTSD.
 
Welcome!

Is it possible that you’re minimizing an existing trauma?

I’d be wary of these professionals that say you must be repressing your memories.

Your pattern of behavior and substance abuse doesn’t automatically point to ptsd as many people drink/drug away painful experiences, anxiety, depression, etc.
 
That VA doc was / is a moron. Terms like "battle fatigue" or "shell shock" and the like were replaced by PTSD. One of the reasons the term PTSD came along is because the same symptoms appeared in rape victims, victims of violence, etc. "Post traumatic stress" is a term that fits more scenarios than combat.

"Suppressed memory" is another term that's fallen out of favor. It's not as if we have the memory and we shove it down and can't get to it. When you think it through, that doesn't even sound plausible. A better term is "dissociative amnesia". I know a few things about this, because it affected me. I'm a victim of childhood sexual abuse. My neighbor raped me when I was six and terrorized me for the next three years until I moved away. I never had any recollection of it until I was 21, when it all came flooding back.

The parts of our brains that record memories are shut off during a traumatic event. The parts that control fear, fight, flight, freeze kick into high gear. The reason we don't remember is because we never recorded it in the first place; the recorder was off, or at least dialed down to low sensitivity.

Often, memories of trauma don't come back unless we're in the same state as when we were traumatized. But there's no guarantee of that either. I certainly wasn't being raped again when I remembered; I was having a fight with my ex-girlfriend. Go figure.

You did mention some issues during boot camp. Could that be it? From your history, it does seem like the alcohol began while you were in the military. I would caution that recovering memories may only come in fragments. About my experience, I have only a few fragments, but there are enough to piece together most of the story.

Welcome to the forum! I hope you'll get some answers.
 
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