ED Accountability (eating)

osiris

MyPTSD Pro
Forgive me. I am bad at using this site.
Writing this post feels scary and painful.

I am struggling with eating/not eating.

I have finally explained to T how disordered my relationship with food is. I will go days without eating unless someone physically puts food in front of me.

I don’t think I know what it feels like to be hungry. Deep down there’s also the feeling that I don’t deserve food and withholding it is a suitable punishment.

In my diary a couple of weeks ago someone mentioned an accountability partner to help make better choices.

The dr has been giving me a whole bunch of pills for years for my appalling B and D vitamin and iron levels (like they are basically non existent), and I keep throwing them away because I don’t eat and then don’t take them.

So I kind of need some help to check in with food. The what did you last eat thread is great but I just beat myself up when I see what everyone else is eating.

I think I need a place to check in to simply say I’ve eaten. Is that ok?

Mod Edit:
Please can people not talk about actual types of food. If you want to talk about meals there’s another thread that covers that.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

Renly

MyPTSD Pro
Writing this post feels scary and painful.
Giving you kudos for being brave and posting anyways.
I am struggling with eating/not eating.
Yep. This is also my struggle. Mostly not eating when I’m stressed/overwhelmed. And then eating waaaaaay too much when im numb and disconnected.
is. I will go days without eating unless someone physically puts food in front of me.
I understand. When you’re not hungry you don’t eat. When i’m not hungry I don’t eat. I can’t eat. It feels impossible. It makes me sick.
I think I need a place to check in to simply say I’ve eaten. Is that ok?
I think this is helpful!! I just wrote in my diary that I can’t afford to lose anymore weight.


Also, I was able to eat 1 small meal and 1 snack today.
 

OliveJewel

MyPTSD Pro
Good idea! I have had these symptoms too and made some threads.

I’ve had a few people tell me that the only way is to force myself. I went to a nutritionist and she said the same thing. I understand what they mean, that I need to remember that I’m in charge, but I had to give myself permission not to eat too, otherwise I would rebel.

The dietitian helped me understand an eating schedule. I practiced the schedule and that helped me understand that it was possible. It also helped me understand when I should expect myself to eat, whether or not I actually do.

Another tip that multiple people gave me was that when I was forcing myself to eat to choose liquid or soft foods and seek what tastes good. Dietitian taught me to eat seated at a table and take a breath before hand.

It has taken me a while to process and incorporate the concepts I learned from the nutritionist, but I can see how helpful the concepts are and I’m glad I have them in my toolkit.

I highly recommend learning about “intuitive eating” as it is helpful for disordered eating.

Today I didn’t want to eat, but I referred to my meal plan and ended up eating one morning snack, lunch, tasted an afternoon snack but didn’t like it and gave myself permission to toss it, dinner.
 

BIgLittle

Confident
Forgive me. I am bad at using this site.
Writing this post feels scary and painful.

I am struggling with eating/not eating.

I have finally explained to T how disordered my relationship with food is. I will go days without eating unless someone physically puts food in front of me.

I don’t think I know what it feels like to be hungry. Deep down there’s also the feeling that I don’t deserve food and withholding it is a suitable punishment.

In my diary a couple of weeks ago someone mentioned an accountability partner to help make better choices.

The dr has been giving me a whole bunch of pills for years for my appalling B and D vitamin and iron levels (like they are basically non existent), and I keep throwing them away because I don’t eat and then don’t take them.

So I kind of need some help to check in with food. The what did you last eat thread is great but I just beat myself up when I see what everyone else is eating.

I think I need a place to check in to simply say I’ve eaten. Is that ok?
Hi,

This is very ok with me.

I used to be boulemic in my teens. It would sedate me to the level of apathy.

Now I see it was coping with all the horrific turmoil in my young life.

I still struggle with filling the vast bottomless black hole in my soul with emo binge eating sometimes.

And then sometimes I have to remind myself to eat, because the not eating or extreme dieting is like I am punishing the big fat kid that I was when I was a child.

My beautiful trauma and me.

All the best to you.
 
S

Soleil

I struggle with a restrictive ED as well. Ive always been big on vitamins thankfully, and I know they are what keeps my body going. I specifically recommend B12, D and magnesium. These are the 3 biggest deficiencies that cause low serotonin (and thus depression, anxiety, etc)

The biggest thing that's helped me so far is by drinking a 20g protein shake for my first meal. I definitely don't feel like eating but drinking fluids is ok for me. it gives me 20g more protein than I got when I forced myself to "just eat."

So much more I could say but I don't want this to become a book lol, so I'll just add.

Hih. Hugs. You got this! 💪😊👍
 
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