General Advice and observations to any supporters who need a bit of a hug

I posted a few weeks ago - just my story about me and my partner who was in army and then crime and terrorist police ( U.K.) .

I wanted to share something I found out from this journey I’m currently on. Maybe you can find nuggets in here for you ! I hope so. I send them from a place of love.

1. Reading sufferers posts is so useful . Especially @Freida's past post on “ what are we thinking “ . However , if you find yourself needing to analyse over and over your situation, please try and come back to the present and your body and give yourself a little rest from your head if you can.

2. The biggest advice I can share is find your own healing FIRST and instead of scheduling it as part of a box to your supporter life, try let it be part of your life and growth if possible - whatever place your sufferer is in - it’s not your place, it’s theirs. It’s not your fault and it’s not theirs. To really really welcome this in inherently into your body !! Is different from understanding things intellectually.
Supporters need to find their peace , however you do it and then…

3. You may then find more lighter ( lighter is important ) compassion back and your sense of self integrity and boundaries and then you can take it from there.

4. It’s all so worthwhile , whether you leave or stay, it’s so worthwhile to discover more about yourself , whatever your sufferer does or what place they are in right now.

5. However you look after yourself deeply, Observe yourself, and see if your patience is returning and if you get some sense of humour back. This means you may have come out of that heavy dark supporter place that just so desperately wants to love and help or even fix. If that place is anywhere inside you and feels dark and heavy and upsetting please leave your sufferer alone a bit if you can 😊 but always let them know you are there.

6. If Your sufferer is in a really really struggling place and is overwhelmed and avoidant , it will be dark too and two darks make it darker!! and there’s no contrast to be able to see. No contrast , no way you get get ground back to see clearly , no life support for either of you .

7. You probably know all this but putting it in a broader sense or metaphor might help us. I’ve been really “light” recently with my sufferer and sent music links, pictures, some humour. He never responded until this week. But read them and enjoyed them apparently. And is now returning a little again.

8. There’s no way I could do this if I was wanting something I can see in my future. I can only live in the present with my sufferer and fill my life with love through friendships, music, art, my work, my worth in my work and continue to live in the present.

9. Believe me I have suffered and cried and got broken - but I also discovered that some of this as a supporter is also our own STUFF. My sufferer has actually given me a gift !!! I know it’s not like that when they are being assholes. A gift to look deeper into myself. Maybe it’s time for us too!!! - to start therapy. Then we lose the carer role and look to protect ourselves and fix ourselves not our sufferers 😊

This of course is just my opinion today in my feeling good supporter time, so I grabbed it while I could!!!! ( supporter is not a role that needs to be with you all the time )

Thanks everyone x
 

caroline_13

MyPTSD Pro
I posted a few weeks ago - just my story about me and my partner who was in army and then crime and terrorist police ( U.K.) .

I wanted to share something I found out from this journey I’m currently on. Maybe you can find nuggets in here for you ! I hope so. I send them from a place of love.

1. Reading sufferers posts is so useful . Especially @Freida's past post on “ what are we thinking “ . However , if you find yourself needing to analyse over and over your situation, please try and come back to the present and your body and give yourself a little rest from your head if you can.

2. The biggest advice I can share is find your own healing FIRST and instead of scheduling it as part of a box to your supporter life, try let it be part of your life and growth if possible - whatever place your sufferer is in - it’s not your place, it’s theirs. It’s not your fault and it’s not theirs. To really really welcome this in inherently into your body !! Is different from understanding things intellectually.
Supporters need to find their peace , however you do it and then…

3. You may then find more lighter ( lighter is important ) compassion back and your sense of self integrity and boundaries and then you can take it from there.

4. It’s all so worthwhile , whether you leave or stay, it’s so worthwhile to discover more about yourself , whatever your sufferer does or what place they are in right now.

5. However you look after yourself deeply, Observe yourself, and see if your patience is returning and if you get some sense of humour back. This means you may have come out of that heavy dark supporter place that just so desperately wants to love and help or even fix. If that place is anywhere inside you and feels dark and heavy and upsetting please leave your sufferer alone a bit if you can 😊 but always let them know you are there.

6. If Your sufferer is in a really really struggling place and is overwhelmed and avoidant , it will be dark too and two darks make it darker!! and there’s no contrast to be able to see. No contrast , no way you get get ground back to see clearly , no life support for either of you .

7. You probably know all this but putting it in a broader sense or metaphor might help us. I’ve been really “light” recently with my sufferer and sent music links, pictures, some humour. He never responded until this week. But read them and enjoyed them apparently. And is now returning a little again.

8. There’s no way I could do this if I was wanting something I can see in my future. I can only live in the present with my sufferer and fill my life with love through friendships, music, art, my work, my worth in my work and continue to live in the present.

9. Believe me I have suffered and cried and got broken - but I also discovered that some of this as a supporter is also our own STUFF. My sufferer has actually given me a gift !!! I know it’s not like that when they are being assholes. A gift to look deeper into myself. Maybe it’s time for us too!!! - to start therapy. Then we lose the carer role and look to protect ourselves and fix ourselves not our sufferers 😊

This of course is just my opinion today in my feeling good supporter time, so I grabbed it while I could!!!! ( supporter is not a role that needs to be with you all the time )

Thanks everyone x
This was amazing! Thank you.
 
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