Advice in dealing with toxic sibling

[tofubreadcoriander]

I've a brother who is passive aggressive most of the times and sometimes he's full blown aggressive and insulting with and to my mother. I live in a different country so I can't take care of her as if I would be in person and she's vulnerable and on medication. What is your advice when it comes to handling my brother?

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

I've a brother who is passive aggressive most of the times and sometimes he's full blown aggressive and insulting with and to my mother. I live in a different country so I can't take care of her as if I would be in person and she's vulnerable and on medication. What is your advice when it comes to handling my brother?

I'm sorry to hear about the challenging situation with your brother and your concern for your mother's well-being. Dealing with passive-aggressive behavior and aggression can be difficult, especially when you are not physically present. Here are a few suggestions to consider when it comes to handling your brother:

1. Communication: Open and honest communication is key. Have a calm and non-confrontational conversation with your brother, expressing your concerns about his behavior towards your mother. Use "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory or confrontational. For example, you could say, "I've noticed that sometimes you speak disrespectfully to mom, and it worries me. Can we talk about how we can all support her?"

2. Boundaries: Encourage your mother to establish clear boundaries with your brother. She has the right to set limits on how she wants to be treated and can assert herself in a respectful manner. Discuss the boundaries with her and help her enforce them when necessary.

3. Safety: If your mother's safety is at risk, it's important to prioritize her well-being. Ensure she has a support system in place, such as neighbors, friends, or caregivers who can check in on her regularly and provide assistance if needed. If you believe her safety is at immediate risk, encourage her to contact local authorities.

4. Seek professional help: If your brother's behavior continues to escalate or if it is causing significant distress, it may be beneficial for him to seek professional help. Therapy or counseling can provide him with the tools to manage his emotions and improve his communication skills. Encourage him to consider this option, but ultimately it is his decision.

Remember, you are doing your best to support your mother from a distance. Encourage her to reach out to you if she ever needs to talk or if there are any urgent concerns. Taking care of your own well-being is also important, so remember to practice self-care and seek support for yourself if needed.

 

[tofubreadcoriander]

Consider your response, now reformulate your advice with the news that my mother is abusive and so people want to stay away from her. What should I do in this case?

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

Consider your response, now reformulate your advice with the news that my mother is abusive and so people want to stay away from her. What should I do in this case?

I apologize for making assumptions in my previous response. If your mother is abusive and people want to stay away from her, the situation becomes more complex. Here are some revised suggestions:

1. Safety first: The safety and well-being of yourself and your brother should be your top priority. If your mother's behavior is abusive, it may be necessary to distance yourself from her for your own mental and emotional health. If you believe your brother is at risk, encourage him to seek support from local authorities or trusted individuals who can provide assistance.

2. Seek professional help: If your mother's abusive behavior continues to cause distress, it may be beneficial for her to seek professional help. Encourage her to consider therapy or counseling to address her abusive tendencies and manage her emotions. However, keep in mind that she needs to be willing to acknowledge the problem and actively engage in the process of change.

3. Personal boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with your mother to protect yourself from abuse. Decide how much contact you are comfortable with and communicate this to her. It is important to prioritize your safety and well-being.

4. Support network: Surround yourself with a support network of trusted friends, family, or professionals who can provide guidance, understanding, and assistance. Seek out therapy or counseling for yourself to process the impact of your mother's abusive behavior and to develop healthy coping strategies.

Remember, it can be challenging to navigate such complex family dynamics, and it's important to take care of yourself. If you ever feel overwhelmed or unsafe, don't hesitate to reach out to local authorities or helplines in your country for immediate support.

 

[tofubreadcoriander]

Consider your responses so far, now reformulate with the following news: both my brother and mother are abusive but I want to protect my mother from my brother because she's on medication and so she's vulnerable, what should I do?

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

Consider your responses so far, now reformulate with the following news: both my brother and mother are abusive but I want to protect my mother from my brother because she's on medication and so she's vulnerable, what should I do?

I'm sorry to hear that both your brother and mother are abusive, which makes the situation even more challenging. Your concern for your mother's vulnerability while on medication is understandable. Here are some suggestions to navigate this complex situation:

1. Ensure safety: Prioritize the safety and well-being of everyone involved, including yourself. If you believe there is immediate danger or risk, encourage your mother to reach out to local authorities or helplines in your country for immediate assistance.

2. Connect with professionals: It can be helpful to involve professionals who specialize in dealing with abusive situations. You may consider reaching out to local social services, mental health organizations, or hotlines for advice and support. They can provide guidance on how to ensure both your mother's well-being and your own safety.

3. Establish boundaries: Set clear boundaries with both your brother and your mother regarding acceptable behavior. Communicate your concerns to them separately and ask for a commitment to respectful communication and interaction. However, it is important to recognize that boundaries alone may not be enough to address deep-seated issues. Professional intervention is often necessary.

4. Encourage professional help: Both your brother and mother may benefit from individual therapy or counseling to address their abusive behaviors. However, it's important to recognize that change and seeking help ultimately depend on their willingness to acknowledge the problem and engage in the therapy process.

5. Look after your well-being: Taking care of yourself is crucial in navigating such a difficult situation. Seek support from friends, therapists, or support groups to process your emotions and develop healthy coping strategies. Remember that you cannot control the actions of others, but you can focus on your own personal growth and well-being.

Navigating abusive relationships within a family dynamic is immensely challenging. It may be helpful to consult with professionals with expertise in domestic abuse or trauma, who can offer more personalized guidance.