Advice needed

Hey guys, so I could really use some advice from those you suffer from depression.
So after my abuse, I lost one of my best friends sort of, she is still mad at me about what happened. Probably as equally as traumatized as me or more bc one of my abusers was her other best friend...
So ummm I saw like a couple of min ago a WhatsApp status from her I even though I have no clue of realizing if it was supposed to be for me or what, that do left me wondering with something because I don't have clinical depression myself so I don't really understand how she sees the world.
She was talking about that when each person left her life took her away a color, and that when you did it (I have no idea if she's talking about me) this person took her away another color and now she was seeing only in a gray scale.

So the thing is that she has clinical depression and a very very fragile state of mind, she sleeps like 18-19 out of the 24 hours of the day and doesn't have an easy life. But here's the thing, even though what happened was an abuse, it didn't happened between both of us, like nothing happened between her and me, and she was the first one to say that she didn't believed me and that she was actually upset. She even deleted me from facebook and instagram and twitter. But from my point of view we both screwed up in certain scenarios and actually the time is really good bc at least even though I miss her a lot and it is painful to see that the part of the group that was not involved in the assault are now friends again. It has shown me that I needed boundaries and I couldn't be mother Theresa of calcutta for all of my depressed friends bc I would finish even more depressed than them and that doesn't mean I don't love them or that they are not important to me, it's just very hard to be always for them. I understand that they don't want to be manipulative and attention seekers sometimes, but it's really really hard, and like you are there and you can't do much and when you do and they don't like it or it wasn't what they expected. She not only pushed me away from her life, but now she's saying I was the one who left...
Plus, we've already had in the past a bunch of small fights, she stopped talking to me in 2019 for like 4-5 months bc one day I raised her my voice in a very very difficult moment to me, after my grandmother had just passed away. And due to again ptsd after that, I have like 3-4 months in my life full with blurry memories and my mind used to shut down when it felt like in danger. And this year she said straight to my face she had zero regrets of doing that and that I deserved it. But was really hurt when I was nervously laughing (I have a tendency that when I am nervous I laugh as a coping mechanism)




So I don't know, like I'm trying to be empathic, but I feel like since I don't have depression prior to the abuse and I'm going through a bunch of other feelings, this whole ptsd, understanding I went through a crime. Like for me it is really imposible to understand why she's seeing this so terrible
 

Leeshee

New Here
Honestly, she sounds toxic. A real friend would have empathy and kindness towards you when you are experiencing grief and additionally struggling with PTSD after being a victim of a crime. I know it’s hard, but you’re better off without her. You’ll find your tribe. Clinical depression doesn’t excuse shitty behavior. You deserve better, your worth it. My heart goes out to you.
 
Honestly, she sounds toxic. A real friend would have empathy and kindness towards you when you are experiencing grief and additionally struggling with PTSD after being a victim of a crime. I know it’s hard, but you’re better off without her. You’ll find your tribe. Clinical depression doesn’t excuse shitty behavior. You deserve better, your worth it. My heart goes out to you.
Thank you✨
It's been really hard understanding that bc I mean you just don't stop from one day to the next one. It's being really really hard bc like people can be shitty but also be cool, idk. It's being a rough ride.
I hope one day she realizes about her toxicity and becomes a better human, or just grows up...
 
She's contacted you because of her feelings?

Has she contacted you to apologise for not believing you, and asked about your feelings?

If it's only the first sentence and not the second: I would block her number.
The first one, only bc she needed space...
I don't know, I hope nothing wrong happens to her considering the fact they are still friends...
 
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