Nevermore1984
New Here
My partner of 23 years had an affair. I unfortanetly got to see all the correspondence between them. My spouse fulfilled my fantasies with the affair partner. Fantasies that were denied to me. My spouse called the affair partner my pet name. Shared all of our sexual intimacies with the affair partner and performed all our sexual experiences we had explored together with the affair partner and the one thing I had to give up for my spouse because they were not into that. My spouse decided to explore with the affair partner. My spouse used me to help with their family issues so that I would be out of the house so that the affair would happen in the house I bought for us in our bed. My spouse says I am the one the only one.
Well I call bullshit I said I do not want to do anything that they did with the affair partner all those things are off the table. I want my partner to show me one thing that they thought was special between us just us to special to share with the affair partner. They can't.
It's to hard to think of anything or I get everything was special. If everything was special than how could you look me in the eye and cheat on me for 35 days and have no remorse until yiur caught. How could you not care at all.
Am I being unreasonable should I swallow what is painful and know I am nothing special and stay because they say they love me? I know the answer. But I don't know if the answer is correct. I have trust issues and have had trauma in the past; obviously or I wouldn't be on here. Am I supposed to swallow the betrayal and act like all is well because they say they love me? Am I blinded by my past traumas? Is there really no love out there is it all a fantasy? Am I just a stupid empath?
I really need help with this because I am so torn with the hurt and my trauma judgement. Is this really a small mistake? I am told love doesn't exist like we see on TV. I can honestly say I felt love for my spouse which is what got me through the rough times. This is the first time I realized my spouse could not love me the same way. I know this because I have been tempted and could not go through with it because my spouse was in my mind. We are human but this affair lasted 35 days until I caught my spouse there was no sign of slowing down.
Do I have a distorted image of relationships? This has been a 2 year torture for me I have read hundreds of books but none relate to the spouse seeing more than they should it's all about letting go and finding each other's secretes and desires. We know our fantasies our sex life was open and intimate we had no problem communicating until now. Now I realize I wasn't good enough for my spouse to fullfil and explore with me that I can never trust the only person I have trusted in my life. And it's gone I am alone. There is nothing left and no point. We built our lives around each other we trusted each other we were stronger together. We supported each other...or so I thought. "Love Kills" for the people that do not know what that means it is from a song and a movie.
I am literally at the point I do not know what to do and do not know who to talk to and yes I have talked to therapists we have been to couples counseling and they all want us to do exercises to get to know each other like we are strangers.
What do you do when you know more about your spouse then your spouse does? Do I give up? Do I live this way? Has anyone else been through this. Does anyone know every single detail of their spouses affair. If so PLEASE HELP!
Well I call bullshit I said I do not want to do anything that they did with the affair partner all those things are off the table. I want my partner to show me one thing that they thought was special between us just us to special to share with the affair partner. They can't.
It's to hard to think of anything or I get everything was special. If everything was special than how could you look me in the eye and cheat on me for 35 days and have no remorse until yiur caught. How could you not care at all.
Am I being unreasonable should I swallow what is painful and know I am nothing special and stay because they say they love me? I know the answer. But I don't know if the answer is correct. I have trust issues and have had trauma in the past; obviously or I wouldn't be on here. Am I supposed to swallow the betrayal and act like all is well because they say they love me? Am I blinded by my past traumas? Is there really no love out there is it all a fantasy? Am I just a stupid empath?
I really need help with this because I am so torn with the hurt and my trauma judgement. Is this really a small mistake? I am told love doesn't exist like we see on TV. I can honestly say I felt love for my spouse which is what got me through the rough times. This is the first time I realized my spouse could not love me the same way. I know this because I have been tempted and could not go through with it because my spouse was in my mind. We are human but this affair lasted 35 days until I caught my spouse there was no sign of slowing down.
Do I have a distorted image of relationships? This has been a 2 year torture for me I have read hundreds of books but none relate to the spouse seeing more than they should it's all about letting go and finding each other's secretes and desires. We know our fantasies our sex life was open and intimate we had no problem communicating until now. Now I realize I wasn't good enough for my spouse to fullfil and explore with me that I can never trust the only person I have trusted in my life. And it's gone I am alone. There is nothing left and no point. We built our lives around each other we trusted each other we were stronger together. We supported each other...or so I thought. "Love Kills" for the people that do not know what that means it is from a song and a movie.
I am literally at the point I do not know what to do and do not know who to talk to and yes I have talked to therapists we have been to couples counseling and they all want us to do exercises to get to know each other like we are strangers.
What do you do when you know more about your spouse then your spouse does? Do I give up? Do I live this way? Has anyone else been through this. Does anyone know every single detail of their spouses affair. If so PLEASE HELP!
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