Advocate With CPTSD

[ernie 45701]

Hi I'm new and I have PTSD and it is complex PTSD. I had a traumatic event four years ago and I have delayed unset PTSD. I am a survivor also. I have flashbacks and I shutter at the memories of what happened to me four years ago. My name is David and I am 42 years old almost now 43. My girlfriend lives in Turkey and we write each other daily. I am happy that we found each other. I love her very very much. I am an advocate for people with developmental disabilities, people with mental health issues, victims of crime.
I will come and post more on me tomorrow.
Ernie 45701

 

[catjudo]

Welcome to the forum. I've moved your introduction to its own thread so it isn't lost or overlooked by members.

 

[cherryblossom]

Hello David,

Welcome to the forum. Have a good read around the forum, and at the articles. I'm sure you will find help and support here. You are not alone in your battle with PTSD. We all live and learn from each other.

Regards,
CB

 

[Deleted member 541]

Welcome to the forum... This is a great place to share, vent, and learn....

 

[ernie 45701]

Having PTSD is both a blessing and a curse. Sometimes I"m happy that I have it because I can help others with PTSD such as support and creating a local PTSD support group when there was none in the area and sometimes it's a curse by my feelings that I've done something horrific and heinous that only the cops and me knows about and the sentance will be a lifetime of not knowing what the crime is.
My ex g/f is in the support group so she can better understand PTSD and it's symptoms. I sometimes have relapse when I smoke or drink to dull the pain of my traumatic event.
My current g/f knows that I have PTSD but she don't know that it was from a rape related PTSD.

 

[ernie 45701]

I also have borderline Personality disorder which is co-morbid with my PTSD.
I sometimes feel like the cops,FBI and CIA are watching my every move and I think that I've done something horrific or heinous.
I also have depression and I have clinical depression. I sometimes feel worthless and hopeless.
I need a vacation soon. I've needed to get out of Athens for about a year now. I feel like I've had enough of Athens where I live. I was born in Athens and I've lived in Athens and Athens Co all my life. I have money set aside for a vacation and I need to access it. If i don't take a vacation soon I may go banana's from the stress.

 

[ernie 45701]

Rape Related PTSD

When I was 38 I was raped by a homeless man who stayed at my place because he needed a roof to sleep under. He had been kicked out of the homeless shelter because it was near a school and he was an convicted child molester. He was on parole when he raped me. He kept me hostage and raped me on a daily basis for a month before I could muster up the courage to tell someone.

He(my attacker) had told me that if I ever ever told anyone he would kill me, my friends and my family and one time he told me that I had no friends. He said that I was a brother to him but I'm in no way shape or form ever was related to him. He was abusive and ran my life every chance he got. He even wanted to become my payee. He once told my bank that he was my brother. The bank officers did not believe him.

He once stole a shirt from Walmart then went out without paying for the shirt then he went around the corner changed clothes and returned the shirt that he had stolen. How I know it was he dragged me along to the Wal Mart and I witnessed it first hand. He also stole from Magic Video and every night he had me steal clothes from outside New To You Shoppe when it was on Stimson Ave. He also kept a gun.

Ernie 45701

 

[ernie 45701]

Hi everyone. It's Sunday Sunday Sunday. I made it threw yesterday. I had a bad bout of paranoia. When I was a kid I wanted to be a cop or an FBI field agent or a CIA operative. But times have changed now. I don't trust the cops anymore.
My rapist is out of prison and still living in the Athens area. He should not be. He only got one year in prison.
Ernie 45701

 

[ernie 45701]

Hi everyone. My ex is dating a vet who has PTSD also. He got it when he was in the military during his tour in the First Gulf War. He also has a brain tumor from that tour because he dealt with depleted uranium. He has more severe PTSD than mine. I grew up hanging around with his brother and we ran the streets of Athens together. He joined the military to get away from his father. I thought that they were the picture perfect family growing up but little did I know till last year that there was skeleton's in the closet.
Ernie 45701

 

[ernie 45701]

Hi everyone. I had my counseling session with Dr G today. It is established that I do not have BPD but I do have PTSD. I have had flashbacks before and I have anxieties about the police which date's back to when I was arrested because I fit the description of a suspect but when the cops took me to the scene of the crime the witness could not identify me so the cops let me go.
I also told him that a counselor once gave me the diagnosis of a borderline personality disorder that Dr G said that he disagreed that I had.
Ernie 45701

 

[TLight]

I was also diagnosed with BPD a long time ago. I'm not, I just show those traits at times. It comes from distrust of humans, but I read a book on a woman how actually has BPD and I'm so different from that. They can be manipulative, one minute a friend, the next your worst enemy, etc. It also stems from abuse, but apparantly is much more difficult to treat.

I'm not BPD for sure and it was a relief to find out that my at times 'radical' behaviors and instable relationships really stemmed from being terrified of humans and ptsd.

Welcome to the forum. kInd of a weird 'welcome' to be part of this club.