Oh same to you @Renly ! I have had glimpses of it or times of it past but am not sure if ever much with grief? And I think I block the past safe times out out of fear.
Was just thinking, going to say in the I Realize Thread that I have a terrible sense (nearly constant) of foreboding, what crisis I don't expect will happen, or what I fear might. But you just said it- scary even to type (let alone say), but in certain circles or some people at least safe to feel, or say. I think when we've had experiences when it wasn't safe to express and didn't help to feel it might be pretty engrained.