Hi,
I hope, I am in the right category here. I'm sorry if not, just remove.
I have holidays now and I can sleep much more than in the past times. But somehow I am sleeping much worser than ever. Every night I have very intensive dreams, often I can't remember about what and I just know it wasn't pleasent. Today I awoke with the worst feeling I ever had in the morning and I don't want to talk about this dream yet.
But there was another dream a few weeks before and I just have the desire to tell about it.
I like to go for a walk late in the evening, mostly 23 pm. In the dream I was out for a walk again and I just entered a lonely area. Somehow I was myself and somehow a spectator from the side knowing and seeing everything. There were three youths and as the spectator I knew that they were up to no good. They walked after me and charged me.
It is a very bad idea to charge me. Most people who do it try it only once and learn better. These youths were only very young, 14 to 16 years. They expected to be 3 to one and have a easy job. I drew my knife. It lasted only seconds til I killed them all.
It was a tragedy! I knew as sthe spectator that the youths were only attacking for 'fun', they just wanted to taunt me. But they attacked me lonely in the middle of the night without help. In other situations I would have run away or called for help but this wasn't possible. I wear my kniffe lawfully and they charged. I had no other choice. But killing three CHILDREN...
After I awoke I could have vomited. I felt so sick.
I am studying to become a teacher. In Germany School Violence is an upcoming topic and so of course I have much to do about it. After a very bad school shooting in Winnenden (16 deaths) I took my knife from the left side of my belt to the right side. Before it was only a tool, now it had to be both weapon and tool. Having read dave Grossman's book On Killing I know that the decision to kill has to be done before and never in a critical incident. If a kid with a weapon enters my classroom then I have no time to think about the pedagogic way... Maybe talk to him or someting... No. I must not hesitate, he'll need only to move his fingertip to kill one of my pupils. I have to charge him and if I have to I'll have to kill him.
But even a school shooter is a human being and those three youths attacking me in my dream were humans, too. And I 'killed' them. It was right, it was lawful but I feel so bad.
And now I am kind of afraid of going to bed. It's nearly one o'clock in the morning in Germany and I'll have to get up early tomorrow but I just don't dare to go to bed in case I dream such stuff again (and I know I will before long).
The more tired I become the more I think I will overcome my fear but I am not content. It will not be pleasant tonight.
I feel much better now for writung about it.
Thank you for reading it.
Good night,
Kaamos
I hope, I am in the right category here. I'm sorry if not, just remove.
I have holidays now and I can sleep much more than in the past times. But somehow I am sleeping much worser than ever. Every night I have very intensive dreams, often I can't remember about what and I just know it wasn't pleasent. Today I awoke with the worst feeling I ever had in the morning and I don't want to talk about this dream yet.
But there was another dream a few weeks before and I just have the desire to tell about it.
I like to go for a walk late in the evening, mostly 23 pm. In the dream I was out for a walk again and I just entered a lonely area. Somehow I was myself and somehow a spectator from the side knowing and seeing everything. There were three youths and as the spectator I knew that they were up to no good. They walked after me and charged me.
It is a very bad idea to charge me. Most people who do it try it only once and learn better. These youths were only very young, 14 to 16 years. They expected to be 3 to one and have a easy job. I drew my knife. It lasted only seconds til I killed them all.
It was a tragedy! I knew as sthe spectator that the youths were only attacking for 'fun', they just wanted to taunt me. But they attacked me lonely in the middle of the night without help. In other situations I would have run away or called for help but this wasn't possible. I wear my kniffe lawfully and they charged. I had no other choice. But killing three CHILDREN...
After I awoke I could have vomited. I felt so sick.
I am studying to become a teacher. In Germany School Violence is an upcoming topic and so of course I have much to do about it. After a very bad school shooting in Winnenden (16 deaths) I took my knife from the left side of my belt to the right side. Before it was only a tool, now it had to be both weapon and tool. Having read dave Grossman's book On Killing I know that the decision to kill has to be done before and never in a critical incident. If a kid with a weapon enters my classroom then I have no time to think about the pedagogic way... Maybe talk to him or someting... No. I must not hesitate, he'll need only to move his fingertip to kill one of my pupils. I have to charge him and if I have to I'll have to kill him.
But even a school shooter is a human being and those three youths attacking me in my dream were humans, too. And I 'killed' them. It was right, it was lawful but I feel so bad.
And now I am kind of afraid of going to bed. It's nearly one o'clock in the morning in Germany and I'll have to get up early tomorrow but I just don't dare to go to bed in case I dream such stuff again (and I know I will before long).
The more tired I become the more I think I will overcome my fear but I am not content. It will not be pleasant tonight.
I feel much better now for writung about it.
Thank you for reading it.
Good night,
Kaamos
