Afraid To Reveal My Fears

[Sethe]

Is anyone else afraid to reveal his/her fears? I'm not quite sure how to say this, but I'll try my best.

Have you ever been stuck being afraid of an event occuring, knowing that it is irrational, but you're so afraid that if you talk about it happening- that it will?

Does that make sense to anyone? I'd love to hear how you deal with it. It has caused a lot of problems with me being able to talk with my T. I get so scared that if I tell her my fear, then it WILL happen.

 

[Jade-]

Yes, I understand what you're saying. If you don't say it out loud, maybe it won't happen. I get irrational thoughts like that often, although I can't see them as irrational at the time.

I actually told one of my deepest, biggest fears today in session. And so far it hasn't happened. (Man....now you have got me worried it will). Anyway, I sucked it up and told it to my T. It was really hard to do, but I did it anyway. Now if if "it" doesn't happen, I will remember that the next time I want/need to tell him a fear. And hopefully the irrational thoughts won't be as bad.

I don't really know of any other way to deal with it Sethe, other than to face the fear of your fears.

 

[Sethe]

Thanks Jadebear.

Good for you for talking about it! I wish I could be that brave.

Maybe the fear is related to feeling out of control and considering that most of us have been in situations where we did not have control... hmm, maybe it's one way our minds try to take control, try to protect ourselves? Now, if I could just convince my mind that it's really not that helpful!

The last time I talked about a fear- it happened. I know there is no logical basis, but my emotional side is not convinced. I lost a pet of 18 years as a result, so I've been extra paranoid about it.

 

[Jade-]

Sorry your fear actually happened after you talked about it. That sucks. But maybe next time it won't happen. You won't know unless you try.

If my fear actually does happen, I won't get a chance to try again because I will be in prison for life. But....the fear itself was causing problems for me and I got tired of it. I figured it was better to take a chance and tell it. And I didn't do it because I'm brave, I did it because I'm tired of living this way.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear sethe,

I think all fears have some basis in reality, which is part of what makes them fearful.
As you said about your beloved pet- 18 years- the thought of the loss of your pet may also have been like anticipatory grief. I don't know what type of pet you had, but I am guessing that at 18 years old it would be natural to worry about losing them, and to recognize somewhere in your mind that that day (unfortunately) is coming.

But I understand, I believe it's the connection in our mind, the conditioning, that definitely plays a role. It is also very salient, what you were 'thinking' or 'doing' when terrible and sorrowful experiences occur, I think we struggle to make sense of it and even somewhere 'explain' it. But the truth is neither did you cause it, not more than you can prevent it by not speaking about it. Not speaking about it really just holds you hostage to feeling it is within your power or responsibilty, and wears you down in the process.

I used to wonder why the most horrible things occurred when I was most happy (and) least prepared to deal with them. I thought that it was somehow 'caused' by my happiness or that at the very least I was unaware of the reality around me. Truth is though, I think that I was just happy, and then unexpected horrible things occurred that no one could have predicted. It did not stop me however from equating it back to something I-did-or-didn't do, nor to fear 'somehow' I would bring sadness to others. And to fear being happy, and certainly not to trust when I was, that disaster wouldn't (won't) follow shortly thereafter.

If nothing else, speaking about it will likely reduce the fear in time and enable you to have more strength to deal with the sorrowful times and more freedom to allow yourself to enjoy the good ones and not live in fear of the next crisis/ loss.

I think too, when we are sensitive and also accustomed to experiences of pain and loss, our thoughts and fears often end up intertwined.

 

[Artista]

Yep... Get It!

I sympathize. I am currently facing heart health issues and have on purpose not wanted to "go there" for fear it will all come tumbling down as if I am making my condition? I know I don't have that power really but you wonder...

Now you are trying to deal with it, but are holding back and it is understandable. These are not memories but fears of what may be. It is hard when we see the power of the mind to not think it can manifest things. Yet typically, I think letting things out helps us finally gain control over the power of fear. yes, I know... typical and stereotypical because we hear it all the time.. "you must face your fears!" I still think we should be strong in self to face them. Have all the tools necessary to battle it and in that I find my strengths.

I do hope you talk this through with your T and there are some good points made on how to armor yourself from the fears. It is paramount you take up for you and protect you. In this you will feel more of a sense of control in your actions. And gain one up on your fears.

Tired... hope that made some sense. : /

 

[Sethe]

I REALLY appreciate your comments. I think it helps me feel comforted in some way (and reminds me that I'm not totally nuts).

Jadebear: If some of my fears (more like fantasies) happened, then we might be sharing a cell. Ok, that was some dark humor.

Junebug: He was a little cockatiel (bird) and probably like a therapy animal. He flew to me when I called him, let me pet him. The damn bird even talked to me on the phone at work! He was truly amazing and I miss him SO much.

Arista: I'm sorry to hear about your health. Yup, we've all got to take care of ourselves (we're our protectors now!).

 

[Jade-]

Jadebear: If some of my fears (more like fantasies) happened, then we might be sharing a cell. Ok, that was some dark humor.

Awesome....Just be sure you shower daily and stay on your side of the cell, OK?

 

[Sethe]

Heh. Sure.