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Afraid To Sleep

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Sues

MyPTSD Pro
I'm afraid to go to sleep tonight. There's so many bad things running around in my head. They're all fighting to take over and leaving me a complete mess. I hate being scared. I hate that he made me feel this way. I hate that he has that much power over me still.

I stay up until I'm exhausted hoping I can go to sleep with an empty mind. Hoping I don't dream. Hoping I'm too tired and the nightmares won't come, and if they do... just hoping that I wake and don't remember any of it.
 
(((Sues))) I am so sorry you are so terrified. I wish I could give you a real hug. I wish there was something I could think of that would help you. I hate that this is happeneing to you. I wish he would leave you alone. Can you have the police come by to do a check on your street for you? I am with you in spirit. I wish you did not have to feel this way. Big giant safe hugs.
 
Really feeling for you. I too struggle with a terrible fear of going to sleep many nights, even when I am deeply exhausted. The torment and terror that come to us during our times of unconsciousness are, in some ways, even more terrifying than what we experience when awake, because there is never any warning or ability to try to de-escalate the experience before it gets really intense.

Really hoping you find some rest and sense of safety tonight.

Maddog
 
Thanks Gizmo and Maddog! Nothing to do about it, just hanging in there and hoping for the best.


Can you have the police come by to do a check on your street for you?

I'm not too worried about him coming by here. He doesn't know where we live. I'm just over loaded mentally. So I know it's not going to be a good night for sleep. again.
 
I hope you have some good movies to watch. Things like that to distract you.
 
I'm actually starting on my "trauma diary". I'm not ready to post it yet. But I'm working on it.

I write a lot anyway. It's been a way to vent. But I haven't been organized about it like the trauma diary section talks about.

I'm finding it hard tonight to do it that way too. I guess it's because I don't always remember stuff that happened. It's not that I really forgot it. It feels like I survive and cope by forgetting or burying it. So it's hard to write about specific events. It's actually easier for me to write about feelings and fears. That seems strange to me. I wonder why I can't just recall the things he did to me.
 
(((Sues))) Mabe you cannot remember because it was so traumatic. I am glad that you write to vent. It really helped me to learn how to think and resolve my problems.
 
Thank you Gizmo. I think it's just going to take some time. I'm just starting out here and this is all new to me. Luckily I'm not frustrated and trying to rush anything along. I'm almost dreading when it'll all hit me, and hoping it doesn't hit me all at once. :unsure:
 
I hope it does not hit you hard at all. I hope it turns out allright. It is nice to get feed back when you write things. I find it helps me in the sorting out process. Just take your time and do not push yourself into more than you can handle. I trust you will go at a comfortable pace for yourself.
 
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