Teasel
Sponsor
I was increasingly isolated in the last years of my emotionally abusive relationship. And since leaving Ice had more human interaction than I've had in many years and mostly positive, (and mostly 2 way conversations!)
Which is great. I can feel a sense of myself opening up, it's lovely. And frightening!
I was kind of kind of socially anxious anyway .... hmm well actually the social anxiety ramped up after I was raped and my life began to fall apart and I seemed to be rejected by most people I knew, reputation destroyed, not so much blamed for the rape as slut shamed, as if I was the only one committing repellant crimes.
It's weird remembering all this. I usually feel so detached from all that happened.
I was thinking I've always been socially anxious, and I have to some extent. But yeah, it defo spiralled after all the trauma.
Including the relationship I just left.
Head's a bit scrambled. But I want to explore this a bit.
Socialising again after, in some ways, a very long break from it.
Had a few instances in the past couple days of feeling exposed, unsafe.
A few times wondering if me being me in the company of others... wondering if I'm.... I mean I know I can be funny sometimes. But I don't want go be a joke.
Also in some ways it does feel as though I've missed out on 20 years. As if Im behind the times by 20 years sort of, a bit. Or also having missed out on 20 years development. And i missed out on years of development as a kid too.
I don't know how much sense any of this makes! Anyone relate? Got tips? Owt else to say? Ta
Which is great. I can feel a sense of myself opening up, it's lovely. And frightening!
I was kind of kind of socially anxious anyway .... hmm well actually the social anxiety ramped up after I was raped and my life began to fall apart and I seemed to be rejected by most people I knew, reputation destroyed, not so much blamed for the rape as slut shamed, as if I was the only one committing repellant crimes.
It's weird remembering all this. I usually feel so detached from all that happened.
I was thinking I've always been socially anxious, and I have to some extent. But yeah, it defo spiralled after all the trauma.
Including the relationship I just left.
Head's a bit scrambled. But I want to explore this a bit.
Socialising again after, in some ways, a very long break from it.
Had a few instances in the past couple days of feeling exposed, unsafe.
A few times wondering if me being me in the company of others... wondering if I'm.... I mean I know I can be funny sometimes. But I don't want go be a joke.
Also in some ways it does feel as though I've missed out on 20 years. As if Im behind the times by 20 years sort of, a bit. Or also having missed out on 20 years development. And i missed out on years of development as a kid too.
I don't know how much sense any of this makes! Anyone relate? Got tips? Owt else to say? Ta