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Sufferer Aftermath of a Relationship with a drug addict/alcoholic.

Thread starter #1
Hi, I am a few weeks out of an 3 1/2 year rollercoaster ride with a drug addict/ alcoholic. I too am in recovery, 13+ years sober. About 2/3 of the relationship she was using/drinking. I have learned that I could have PTSD from all of the anxiety, stress, chaos and insanity I was living when she was actively using. Really it was like living with 2 completely different people. The last 6 months of our relationship the addict was mostly in control. During the active times I was never right, accused of just about everything from cheating, lying, being places I was not, I was verbally abused, humiliated, disrespected, all in the same time she was out using and doing the very things she was accusing me of. Its left me with very high anxiety, lonely, fearful, jumpy, and all around uncomfortable in my own skin. When she was in recovery, she was a good girlfriend. I held on through the using times believing in her and that she could get sober again.
I thought I would try some forums revolving around PTSD and see if this would help. I need to move forward and be at peace.
CFC
 
#2
Hi @CFC, Welcome to the site, that sounds like a tough rollercoaster ride and I'm sorry for the way it has affected you. Whether it's caused PTSD or not, it seems to be the case that it has left you feeling very unwell. Although it hurts and is very emotional and confusing...maybe you should now be thankful that it has actually ended. Painful though it is, is this toxic relationship actually something that you need or want in your life? Especially when you have your own issues. Congratulations on your sobriety by the way. I too am an addict and haven't drunk for a while because I'm an alcoholic.

try to be kind to yourself and maybe accept that it's just time to move on. That, that chapter of your life is now over and that's a good thing. We can't save everyone and you have your own personal needs. Sorry you've been through this, it's tough. I hope you find support here. There are alot of supporter sufferes here also. 😊
 
#5
Welcome! I'm sorry for what you have been through.
I would say it's very early days from the end of your (abusive) relationship. So be kind with yourself. Breakups are tough, even if it feels the right thing for you.

I haven't used drugs in 16 years. I drink in a much better way (i.e. less about obliterating feelings by binge drinking and more about enjoying the taste).

I've found so much support on these forums , and hope you do too.
 
#7
I am in recovery, as well. It'll be 12 years next month for me. I had been sober for 8 years when I fell in love with an addict and relapsed when I realized he wasn't getting sober as he had promised. I was like the Little Mermaid trying to be part of his world but nearly killed myself doing it. It was awful. I went places that were nightmarish for me and ultimately had sleep disturbances, flashbacks and intrusive thoughts about all of it for a few years. I already had PTSD when this all started but this was actually probably the hardest time of my life partly because I was drinking and smoking pot and partly because of the emotional turmoil of watching a man I loved turn against me to go back to a life of drugs and alcohol - demonizing me - someone who loved him dearly - all the way.

I am sorry for what you are going through. I know it's hard. I'm enormously grateful that all of that is 12 years in my past. It took a long while to feel human again but it did happen.

I hope you are able to get all of the help and support that you need.
 
Thread starter #8
Thank you @RussellSue. You nailed part of what I am feeling watching a woman I loved turn into something horrible. It feels like a betrayal and of course nothing at all was her fault. I was the problem. Sad too because the sober her hated the using her.
 
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