age regression and relating to others

[unicornprincess37xx]

Hi guys.
Sorry this thread maybe a bit long and a bit confusing but stay with me and I promise I will get to the point. I was diagnosed with ptsd 25 years ago. I find age regression really helps.

Im 37 years old and my room is pink and full of unicorns,soft toys and Disney princess. I feel stuck at 10/11 years old (before my trauma happened when life was safe). My room is my safe place and I can feel safe there. I find myself regressing all the time. I have had 2 serious long term relationships. One ended in divorce because I got bored and left him and I found the other one dead one evening. The guy I was married to was fine. Bit wet but he treated me well. The second was controlling and I lost my job and my friends. He controlled the finances and I was trapped in the relationship. If I was to be asked if I loved any of them I would have to say no. Urgh feelings they suck! I just don't get relationships. Even thinking about intimacy makes me want to vomit. Theres been other short term relationships but yawn I got bored so ended them pretty sharpish. I wasn't allowed to be myself in the relationships. I had to adult and I felt like a fake! Trying to manage everything and understand stuff was very tiring and frustrating. Relationships were expected of me so I went with the flow and followed the sheep. Deep down I don't think I truly wanted to be in relationships. That may sound harsh but my feelings are a bit numb. I wish I could be my 10/11 year old self all the time not just at home. I only really go out with my mum who is my safe person. I used to take a fluffy unicorn backpack with me but one day I heard some school girls sniggering and they said "nice bag" and that upset me and ive not used the bag since! I get upset a lot especially in stressful situations and when I don't understand stuff that the average person might do. I don't go out by myself as its not safe and I could get hurt. Im too trusting and guilible. I go in to town with my mum and she gets me. She lets me buy soft toys,colouring,disney princess stuff and stickers....ooohhh I love stickers!! And trolls and care bears!! People don't understand this so when im around people I put on a front like "yeah im a normal 37 year old!". When the child me is screaming to get out. People would make fun and judge me or think im mentally disabled. But its who iam and im fed up of hiding the child me away in a box until I get home.

There is a legitimate question coming up guys I promise.

Do you regress in public if you are with your safe person?

Maybe its just me that never feels safe anywhere. I just wish I could take my care bear everywhere with me even if its just to stroke his paw to know that hes with me.

Also do you find yourself cutting people off with no explanation? I do a lot. One day I can be your best friend then the next I dint want anything to do with you. People frustrate and exhaust me. Their constant talking drives me mad!

Anyway guys that's me. Any advice would be great or if you find yourself associating with what I have said I would love to hear from you.
love,light and blessing too you all from me and mr funshine care bear xx

 

[DandelionFluff]

I understand this feeling a lot. I also regress to feel safe, to about four or five years old. I have stuffed friends that I bring out in public with me to help me feel safer and more in control, and there’s nothing wrong with that. If you want to use your unicorn backpack or bring your carebear with you when you go places, then you should, and forget about anyone who tries to tell you it’s weird or wrong!

I brought my stuffed bunny Dandelion (the inspiration for my username) to a meeting at a cafe that I was having with my job coach today, and it was no big deal. In fact, having her there made me feel a lot better when I started getting anxious about all the noise in the cafe. I just hugged her and stroked her fur, and she helped me calm down.