A
Anonymous0712
Hey there, I'm a 21 yr old female, I have quite a large story to tell but I'll keep it short. When I was 12 I was raped by a 19yr old guy, being so young I didn't quite understand the extent of the damage it would do later in life to my sexual life.
When i was 14, I started a relationship with a 18yr old guy who physically and mentally abused me, there was multiple occasions where I was beaten for saying something wrong, or doing the wrong thing, I had my phone constantly checked, my laptop etc..when I was 16 I fell pregnant to him and now have a gorgeous 5 year old daughter. My issue now is sex. Iv been with my current partner for over a year and we have known each other since primary school. I now have crazy thoughts about being abused in bed, being tied up, slapped around, being told what to do etc...I also want to be expressive in bed, like making noise, moaning and things, and my boyfriend is really open to all of this. But when it comes to expressing that I enjoy it, I shut down. I feel like I don't deserve to enjoy sex, I feel I can't express how I feel because maybe my boyfriend might laugh at me or think I'm totally crazy. I'm wanting to get to the bottom of the problem because its so confusing for me. When we have sex it is rough sometimes but I shut down emotionally. Can anyone give me some advice as to why I'd be doing this?
When i was 14, I started a relationship with a 18yr old guy who physically and mentally abused me, there was multiple occasions where I was beaten for saying something wrong, or doing the wrong thing, I had my phone constantly checked, my laptop etc..when I was 16 I fell pregnant to him and now have a gorgeous 5 year old daughter. My issue now is sex. Iv been with my current partner for over a year and we have known each other since primary school. I now have crazy thoughts about being abused in bed, being tied up, slapped around, being told what to do etc...I also want to be expressive in bed, like making noise, moaning and things, and my boyfriend is really open to all of this. But when it comes to expressing that I enjoy it, I shut down. I feel like I don't deserve to enjoy sex, I feel I can't express how I feel because maybe my boyfriend might laugh at me or think I'm totally crazy. I'm wanting to get to the bottom of the problem because its so confusing for me. When we have sex it is rough sometimes but I shut down emotionally. Can anyone give me some advice as to why I'd be doing this?