Alcoholism

Dolce

Learning
I am struggling with alcahol abuse and like above someone in uk said a criminal conviction though I don't have that. I have something akin to it. And I didn't deserve it. A restraining order from my own mother after she and her husband abused me? Help?

It may be hard to believe for some who have not been through this but those with bad motives or vengeful people can misuse these sometimes and supposed to be for good vehicles. I don't have a criminal past nor am I threatening. Needy perhaps. I didn't grow up in a normal home at all. I had hospitalizations long ago....decades ago...and my Mom brought these up to discredit me even though I had done so much since then and b/c I was suicidal in my 20s I didn't deserve stigma decades later....but it did happen in central Pa. I now have to watch my step to not run into my Mom who admittedly abused me psychologically. She even did physically in 2020 along with her long physically abusive husband. The quote she used to absolve him long ago was "He needed to restrain you.", when in fact he was out of control then and now. I was "guilty" do to going to their house asking for property held by them love or medical helps and my Stepdad putting hands on me then calling the cops calling me a trespasser whether they invited me in or not. I am not perfect and I am now an alcahol abuser and self sabotager but not someone who hurts others and my Mom knows this said I care about others and animals...then cast me in a different light.

I am drinking to try and sleep. I am drinking to numb the pain I have no strong supports at all. I didn't deserve what happened to me. I wonder shouold I say this. I am honest about my faults
 
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Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
Hi and welcome @Dolce . Unfortunately alcohol doesn't help you sleep, quite the opposite, it messes up your sleep. I'm an alcoholic but haven't drank or smoked for 18 months. It sounded like English isn't your first language, what country are you from?
 

Dolce

Learning
English is my first language. I type on an old pc and am having brain freezes maybe due to stress not eating and alcahol binges. I saw that you are 18 months sober and that is wonderful and inspiring. I could only at most do 2 weeks at a time in my adult life. Quitting smoking too! I became a smoker again when the stress w my Mom started and abuse towards me....that has left it's impact on me abusing myself b/c I don't have support systems. I am amazed what you did and would hope to do the same. Did you have good support system? I have neighbors whom know I have a drinking prob and root for me but no close friends. They are ab impossible to make in my small home town as a middle aged person. I live in a small and isolated college town in cow country Pa. I am not insulted that you said about my language skills. I am struggling at present, but I liked to think of myself as a decent English speaker and writer. I believe I write in a run on sentence style. Sorry for that.

I live in the United States. Thank you for your reply. I also have a sleep disorder. I understand what you mean about it likely providing crap sleep and detriments to overall health which I'm also struggling with. I would desperately like to quit drinking, smoking too...and have real friends. I am proud of your 18 months:).
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
Ah, okay I'm sorry, no offence intended. Sometimes when people write "the way they write" makes me think their first language is not English. Anyway I completely understand you! 😌 there are lots of supportive people here for you if you stick around and keep posting. Lots of people's experiences and wisdom.

I stopped smoking and drinking bcos I had a heart attack and nearly died. It was very scary. I did it on my own bcos I was isolated due to the covid pandemic. It was bloody hard! But its possible for anyone. We use Alcohol to change the way we feel and to subdue thoughts and feelings and memories so when someone stops they have to have coping strategies to help with that.
 

Dolce

Learning
Yes the problem is I don't have supports or coping strategies other than that ??? When things get hard and my life was/is the epitome of hard. I am grateful that your wakeup call resulted in healthy changes for you. I think yeah it's hard to just stop drinking when you don't have other coping strategies or supports. However wow congrats on doing sobriety on your own....meaning I guess without any support groups like AA. I have to look into that even though I had a uncomfortable false start w it before. I am trying not to give up which is hard these days. My Dad had a stroke at 50. I will be 50 in year and half. His life was easier much much easier but he did smoke and drink (I think maybe not as much as me though actually to be totally honest) he did have high bp as do I sometimes esp when under stress or hungover. Yes I use alcohol exactly for the reasons you stated above...and to feel better in the moment and to quell ptsd and anxiety. It is self-medication and one drink is never enough for me. I wish I had true friends. I don't even have an emergency medical contact. Well umm I should prob look into AA...b/c I can't do it on my own. I even tried substance abuse telehealth counseling. It didn't even decrease my drinking. I think social contacts/accountability might? I don't work don't have structure or love in my life to be perfectly honest. I have been shown alot of hatred...by those who were supposed to protect me ( My family the medical community) Things are very antiquated and backwards and narrow minded where I reside though my town pretends to be liberal. My town looks down on single women. My town talks about Black Lives Matter but is secretly racist I think. It's 1950s mentality here. In cities it's prob different. Wish I had less stuff and the chutzpah to move. Anyways I should look into AA stat and I hope I follow through on it. I have been in a complacent state I think b/c of being pummeled so much and yes no work no strong social connections. But there is more to life than drinking yourself to death. I do tend to write in tangents I am sorry for that. Lol. Anyhoo, I am grateful not for your heart attack but the wake up call and health it brought to you and clarity into your life and happiness. And even on the rough days you stick w it. Yay! Congrats and Thank you for the encouragement from across the pond.
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
Try AA it can be supportive and gives you structure getting out, support and working the programme. You really sound motivated to improve your life and that's what it takes. I wish you the best of luck. 😀
 

Dolce

Learning
I want to drink today. I am about 5 days sober. Life is hard right now. Feeling judged and in trauma. Saw fam member yest whom last time saw in court. So sad.
Fractured fam b/c of my Mom and stepdad not me but she would of course say otherwise. It was her choice. The violence the drama the silencing of me etc.
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
I want to drink today. I am about 5 days sober. Life is hard right now. Feeling judged and in trauma. Saw fam member yest whom last time saw in court. So sad.
Fractured fam b/c of my Mom and stepdad not me but she would of course say otherwise. It was her choice. The violence the drama the silencing of me etc.
Hiya, I'm an alcoholic but I haven't drank for over 21 months. Well done for not drinking for 5 days, that's really impressive 👏 👍 👌. Is there anything you can do instead of using alcohol? Do you have the urge to self soothe?
 

Dolce

Learning
Yes I do. And I am having bad GI symptoms stress. I know I remember you that you have had a stretch of sobriety. That's good. I am aiming for that and trying not to let circs and isolation get to me and both are bad but will drinking help it or my GI no. Not really. Thanks for saying the 5 days is impressive. Esp for me as my circs and also seeing a 1/2 sis I don't talk to can't talk to thanks to my Mom near run in very sad very triggering enough to make anyone drink. I did not. I also feeling somewhat judged here on another thread and triggered. But yeah I can't let it ruin me hopefully. I wish my country like yours had Stand Alone. For ppl estranged from family for various reasons. There's nothing like that here even for abuse victims. There's also not alot of PTSD helps for them where I am at...I am trying against alot. Thanks.
 

OliveJewel

MyPTSD Pro
Hi, I struggle with alcohol consumption too. I have not attended AA but I have attended a 12-step group for something else, which is being the parent of addicted children.

My alcohol consumption is daily, not a lot, but typically in the morning, except on work days, then it’s the second I get home.

What has helped me is talk therapy with an addiction counselor (also trained in trauma), and developing a schedule with eating as I tended to drink instead of eat.

I still drink every day. My T is aware. Because I don’t drink a lot it’s manageable for me for now, and I don’t call myself an alcoholic, but it’s definitely an issue and not something I’m proud of and it would be something I’d be happy to let go of when I’m ready.

I’m proud of you for facing it—very brave of you!
 

Dolce

Learning
Thank you for the encouragement Olive Jewel:). I felt discouraged on another thread here today whilst trying so hard! I don't judge ppl for how they deal w their trauma at least I hope not to. I have experienced alot tons of judgement for how I deal with it. I have been told to "just get over it" or if you know you have a prob then just stop....well being an addicted person and someone who is isolated and struggling with PTSD it's not that easy but I am trying. I am in alch counseling too.
I don't know about AA but I may try it sometime. I have had so many life things to try and fix....all on my own a crappy apt...no one to help. I was drinking b/c of that I am backing off b/c it will soon be a DEMOLITION zone. Yeah. Well drinking will not help me cope with that one. Living in an apt w a cracked foundation which is a total metaphor for my family foundation....cracked no end to the crack like my apt that's what the contractor said. My landlords should prob just move me but they won't I asked them to put me in a hotel? Will they? They should. My appliances will all have to come out. It's enough plus the other trauma to make a person drink but it REALLY won't serve me. I know it's wrecking my health too...and even though I have GI probs from stress maybe some from that but maybe alot from stress and who knows....well yah sorry run on sentence where I was going with that is that I know it doesn't serve me well. Also I lost a few lbs in my few days off it and my face belly looks less puffy. That's a bonus. Other things are too...it's hard at times but hopefully not impossible. i can't have a little so idk bout drinking " responsibly" personally. I think I have struggled with that off and on and I had a loooong drinking career. I think it did me some damage. I hope I can reverse it. If it's only me right now that cares about that and not my family well so be it...I think when I drink to excess they are winning. My stepdad died of cirhosos my Mom drinks to cope with stress I have seen it. I def did. I am trying not to.

Happy holidays folks or if not holiday your neck of woods happy weekend. Ok maybe I go out now....stuffy apt. Idk thanks Olive Jewel and Survivor. Sometimes ppl need some encouragement and empathy to stick to the right path and I am trying. I am also honest with my counselor and good on you for doing the same. I wish you luck in your health journey too.
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
Happy holidays folks or if not holiday your neck of woods happy weekend. Ok maybe I go out now....stuffy apt. Idk thanks Olive Jewel and Survivor. Sometimes ppl need some encouragement and empathy to stick to the right path and I am trying. I am also honest with my counselor and good on you for doing the same. I wish you luck in your health journey too.
Your welcome, anytime you need to talk then give me a shout.

One of my past sponsors said this to me, it might help you.

"When you feel like you might relapse, fast forward in your mind to what usually happens "

Good luck!!! 😉
 
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