Alcoholism

Dolce

Learning
I am struggling with alcahol abuse and like above someone in uk said a criminal conviction though I don't have that. I have something akin to it. And I didn't deserve it. A restraining order from my own mother after she and her husband abused me? Help?

It may be hard to believe for some who have not been through this but those with bad motives or vengeful people can misuse these sometimes and supposed to be for good vehicles. I don't have a criminal past nor am I threatening. Needy perhaps. I didn't grow up in a normal home at all. I had hospitalizations long ago....decades ago...and my Mom brought these up to discredit me even though I had done so much since then and b/c I was suicidal in my 20s I didn't deserve stigma decades later....but it did happen in central Pa. I now have to watch my step to not run into my Mom who admittedly abused me psychologically. She even did physically in 2020 along with her long physically abusive husband. The quote she used to absolve him long ago was "He needed to restrain you.", when in fact he was out of control then and now. I was "guilty" do to going to their house asking for property held by them love or medical helps and my Stepdad putting hands on me then calling the cops calling me a trespasser whether they invited me in or not. I am not perfect and I am now an alcahol abuser and self sabotager but not someone who hurts others and my Mom knows this said I care about others and animals...then cast me in a different light.

I am drinking to try and sleep. I am drinking to numb the pain I have no strong supports at all. I didn't deserve what happened to me. I wonder shouold I say this. I am honest about my faults
 
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Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
Hi and welcome @Dolce . Unfortunately alcohol doesn't help you sleep, quite the opposite, it messes up your sleep. I'm an alcoholic but haven't drank or smoked for 18 months. It sounded like English isn't your first language, what country are you from?
 

Dolce

Learning
English is my first language. I type on an old pc and am having brain freezes maybe due to stress not eating and alcahol binges. I saw that you are 18 months sober and that is wonderful and inspiring. I could only at most do 2 weeks at a time in my adult life. Quitting smoking too! I became a smoker again when the stress w my Mom started and abuse towards me....that has left it's impact on me abusing myself b/c I don't have support systems. I am amazed what you did and would hope to do the same. Did you have good support system? I have neighbors whom know I have a drinking prob and root for me but no close friends. They are ab impossible to make in my small home town as a middle aged person. I live in a small and isolated college town in cow country Pa. I am not insulted that you said about my language skills. I am struggling at present, but I liked to think of myself as a decent English speaker and writer. I believe I write in a run on sentence style. Sorry for that.

I live in the United States. Thank you for your reply. I also have a sleep disorder. I understand what you mean about it likely providing crap sleep and detriments to overall health which I'm also struggling with. I would desperately like to quit drinking, smoking too...and have real friends. I am proud of your 18 months:).
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
Ah, okay I'm sorry, no offence intended. Sometimes when people write "the way they write" makes me think their first language is not English. Anyway I completely understand you! 😌 there are lots of supportive people here for you if you stick around and keep posting. Lots of people's experiences and wisdom.

I stopped smoking and drinking bcos I had a heart attack and nearly died. It was very scary. I did it on my own bcos I was isolated due to the covid pandemic. It was bloody hard! But its possible for anyone. We use Alcohol to change the way we feel and to subdue thoughts and feelings and memories so when someone stops they have to have coping strategies to help with that.
 

Dolce

Learning
Yes the problem is I don't have supports or coping strategies other than that ??? When things get hard and my life was/is the epitome of hard. I am grateful that your wakeup call resulted in healthy changes for you. I think yeah it's hard to just stop drinking when you don't have other coping strategies or supports. However wow congrats on doing sobriety on your own....meaning I guess without any support groups like AA. I have to look into that even though I had a uncomfortable false start w it before. I am trying not to give up which is hard these days. My Dad had a stroke at 50. I will be 50 in year and half. His life was easier much much easier but he did smoke and drink (I think maybe not as much as me though actually to be totally honest) he did have high bp as do I sometimes esp when under stress or hungover. Yes I use alcohol exactly for the reasons you stated above...and to feel better in the moment and to quell ptsd and anxiety. It is self-medication and one drink is never enough for me. I wish I had true friends. I don't even have an emergency medical contact. Well umm I should prob look into AA...b/c I can't do it on my own. I even tried substance abuse telehealth counseling. It didn't even decrease my drinking. I think social contacts/accountability might? I don't work don't have structure or love in my life to be perfectly honest. I have been shown alot of hatred...by those who were supposed to protect me ( My family the medical community) Things are very antiquated and backwards and narrow minded where I reside though my town pretends to be liberal. My town looks down on single women. My town talks about Black Lives Matter but is secretly racist I think. It's 1950s mentality here. In cities it's prob different. Wish I had less stuff and the chutzpah to move. Anyways I should look into AA stat and I hope I follow through on it. I have been in a complacent state I think b/c of being pummeled so much and yes no work no strong social connections. But there is more to life than drinking yourself to death. I do tend to write in tangents I am sorry for that. Lol. Anyhoo, I am grateful not for your heart attack but the wake up call and health it brought to you and clarity into your life and happiness. And even on the rough days you stick w it. Yay! Congrats and Thank you for the encouragement from across the pond.
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
Try AA it can be supportive and gives you structure getting out, support and working the programme. You really sound motivated to improve your life and that's what it takes. I wish you the best of luck. 😀
 
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