Almost a Year Unemployed

whiteraven

Not Active
I started crying yesterday around 2 and cried non-stop until 6. Even with my current financial situation, I don't in any way regret quitting my job in March. That said, I have never been in this bad of shape before. My mortgage and student loan are on hold, and I am struggling to pay anything else. And most days, I am so depressed I just can't do anything. I'm sleeping long hours, and I'm sitting.

I *have* been working on my 2nd website (for freelance work) and I've also been creating presentations (something I've never done before) for my journaling workshops. But it all feels like "busy work." Like it won't matter and I won't ever use either.

Who else is struggling without work...still?
 
Hi. Yeah, it's 12 months without work for me too and ugh it's been a challenging time. The first 6 months were a nightmare, but after that my finacial situation stabilised a bit, and I was sort of grateful I didn't have to work during the pandemic and so could isolate better and not risk catching Covid. But it's been really hard without work as a distraction and a source of accomplishment. I'm thinking of applying for a vocational re-training course in 6 months time, but feeling quite ambivalent about it atm. I'm grateful the stress and pressure of the first 6 months has eased, and I'm trying to use this time to re-group and start over and to do therapy more intensely. It's been such a weird year tho. I can definitely say that pandemics are bad for mental health. It's felt very Ground-Hog-Day-ish, doing the same stuff over and over and feeling like I'll go nuts with it. And it feels like all my plans are cancelled and I'm having trouble properly envisioning a future, even though logically I know that's ridiculous. I dunno what to say other than yeah, I'm still going through it too and I'm sorry you are too. It's rough.
 

whiteraven

Not Active
I did get news that I was accepted to work part-time till May at the job I had originally lined up when I quit my job. It's still a bit iffy; I have to take papers into the office by Wednesday and it's at least a 35 min drive - we are expecting a major snowstorm Monday and Tuesday. Better than nothing, but for some reason, I just am not excited about it.
 

Deanna

MyPTSD Pro
I did get news that I was accepted to work part-time till May at the job I had originally lined up when I quit my job. It's still a bit iffy; I have to take papers into the office by Wednesday and it's at least a 35 min drive - we are expecting a major snowstorm Monday and Tuesday. Better than nothing, but for some reason, I just am not excited about it.
I'm in that snowstorm now. ( first Covid and now weather) It's really depressing so they'll probably close everything, like they did here when you get it. I plan in cleaning the house tomorrow and working on my taxes the next day if we have power. It's in the minus 2 tonight with more snow in the overnight hours.
 

ruborcoraxxx

MyPTSD Pro
Feel you. I remained aimless for 6 months... Applying to things, but my entire field vanished with the covid. Burning my savings away, and student loan is gonna hit. I have mid term academics goals fortunately, this is what makes me get going otherwise I really don't know how I'd cope. Feeling really helpless and not in control. Gotta get used to this helplessness and accept at least a part of it. Hopefully antidepressants and a good T... I'm f*cking tired with this stupid virus.

After so much time, it's normal not getting excited I guess. Also in the current context. I hope it will be okay through the snow!!
 

Deanna

MyPTSD Pro
I'm f*cking tired with this stupid virus.
Me too. More than a year later and here we are. Like what you said here
Gotta get used to this helplessness and accept at least a part of it. Hopefully antidepressants and a good T... I
I heard " This virus ISN'T going away" for the first time, three or four weeks ago. I mean, really heard it. I kept thinking/hoping the virus WAS going to go away but this damn virus is here to stay..
 
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ruborcoraxxx

MyPTSD Pro
Same here. From march 2020 I was like okay, it's gotta get on control at least. I'm still hopeful that with the vaccines at least something similar to normality will be possible to find. Also given that my country is very small the travel ban is really difficult to bear. And reading that beloved clubs and restaurants that were institutions just died. Very sad; disquieted of the world to be.
 

whiteraven

Not Active
So...this was day 3 of work, and it didn't go very well. I mean, from my perspective. I suspect that I'm a great employee from their perspective - I am on time, and I follow all directions. I know, not much to live up to. But seriously, the people on this project ask the same thing over and over again and I can tell the supervisor is getting very annoyed.

But...we are doing trial tests on the stuff we are going to be scoring eventually, and I didn't do great on them. Or at least one of them. The supervisor said - ahead of time - that nearly everyone does poorly on the first tests. They don't count for anything; they are more so we can learn what kinds of responses are expected.

Still, I was so upset when I did lousy on the last one. I should do well. Not doing well means I'm a bad person. I known it doesn't make sense, but the feeling is very strong. And now, so much anxiety about returning.
 

SeekingAfrica

MyPTSD Pro
I've been there. 2 years, or 2 and a half years ago. I was off my PTSD meds, first big break up (5year, living together), and without work for 12 months. I did some side jobs but they were no more than week worth of food amount. I don't know how I managed. Most of the time I barely covered bills although I cut everything I could from my budget. For months I never knew if I'll have food more than 3 days ahead. And then I had to move, with barely enough money for 1 month rent, let alone deposit. And my mental health was in a state where applying for jobs was way much harder than usual, I had hard time being out of bed. But I found a good apartment(with an acceptable roommate), went to a new at the time, free mental health center to sort myself out(now closed since the pandemic), and continued to try. Then for a while it was all slowly stabilizing. I got better, then found enough freelance work to cover my finances, took meds, went to therapy, started slowly stabilizing and socialising more. Started paying off some of the debt I got myself into to survive that year of not working(still paying stuff off). Things were good and stable for about year and a half, both financially and with my apartment. Mostly, even during some of the situation last year(I had other medical issues then, but I did have regular work for the most part even if I did it from bed).

And then I left the country I lived in for 1 month to visit my parents, and now it's been 3 months of me not being able to return with all going on globally. Meanwhile, my landlord sold the apartment I was renting and when I return I'll have to find a new place in 3 days flat. And my friend had to go and move all my stuff with me in another country. Work is so tough with PTSD(in my experience at least) and with the global situation right now it's worse. All I'm saying is, I've been there, I get it. You have to make the best decisions you can for the situation you're in, however imperfect that feels. I hope you figure something out soon and we both get to a better situation soon.
 

whiteraven

Not Active
Sorry you have had trouble, too, @SeekingAfrica.

Work is so tough with PTSD(in my experience at least) and with the global situation right now it's worse.
It is. I am struggling with depression on top of all the other crap, and many days I just don't want to get out of bed.
I hope you figure something out soon and we both get to a better situation soon.
I have the part-time job until mid-May, but my mortgage and student loan kick back in soon (next month, I think), and I have no idea how I'm going to pay for it. I also haven't done taxes yet, and they are so screwed up this year, I'm going to have to have someone do them for me.

I'm trying to catch up on things around the house right now to keep anxiety at bay and avoid thinking about how bad things are. Not sure what I'll do...I can only hope things will work themselves out.
 

SeekingAfrica

MyPTSD Pro
I'm trying to catch up on things around the house right now to keep anxiety at bay and avoid thinking about how bad things are. Not sure what I'll do...I can only hope things will work themselves out.
Same with me. There is so much to do, but also so much not in my control. I tend to make a list of things, what I can do at the moment(versus being frustrated about what I can't control). And of course, also, sort of push back all the worry for another day and concentrate on just the next step from the things I can do(call someone etc). Catching on stuff around the house always helps, organised and clean environment does help a lot.
Have you thought about any side business you can do, anything that will now or eventually bring a little extra to you? Last year I did cleaning bi-weekly. When I was more anxious I used to sell things on Etsy because it required less direct contact with people.

I hope things get better. Just take it one step at a time.
p.s. also always having a planner or bullet journal to track payments and expenses and things to get done and schedules helps me feel a bit better about everything. Less you need to remember, more space for future planning.
 
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