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DID Alone with just us

Thread starter #1
We have been with our T for years. He has been an amazing help. Just want to say that up front. We're meeting thru video now. Don't know if that's relevant. But lately we've been feeling overwhelmed. Recovering from ER surgery. Just needs time. But while staying home we let little ones and younger (nonadult) ones have free rein. They could come out for as long as they wanted. Do whatever as we have few obligation, few visitors.

Recently have gotten new info of abuse. Well, same abuse different times, details. Feeling this will never end. Made some connections between life choices and abuse. Was trying to explain to T how depressed we, mostly adults, we're feeling. We're missing time but safe in our home. He always said we never actually lost time cuz somebody knew. He also said he knew that whenever we needed an alter, the proper one always stepped forward.

If we needed to drive, one who could drive stepped forward. If we needed to meet with the doctor, the one in charge of medical stepped forward and dealt. Actually tried it out. There was an unexpected part to our last medical exam, that was upsetting and sending us toward a flashback. Barely made it to the car. To test his theory, put the car in reverse & said we got to go directly home, so someone who can drive better come. They did. Next memory was walking into the house with the impending feeling of flashback coming.

When we tried to explain that we are just tired of all this. Having realized how much of our life is wrapped up or goes back to the abuse, we don't want to live like that. T said how confident he was in us, how we had had such a successful life. Went on saying things I'm sure were complimentary.

Perhaps our Gov taking a step back cuz of the Virus plays a part as the way we dealt was keeping busy. Alters had different interests they were involved in. Left home now with just us, new memories of abuse and no way to get away. No acceptable ways to get away.
Hope this is making some kind of sense.
 
#2
It does make sense.

What helps you feel free, each and everyone of you? Can anything of it be done right now?

Because retriggered to trauma, reliving after unrepressing or similar integrative breakthrough, can feel super intense...

But that doesn't mean you are back in abuse, or worse, trapped in it with no way out.

You left.
And have limited mobility as recovering after surgery and the outside situation. Which is of course stressful. But you *are* out of there.

And it's not going to happen again.
 
#3
I’m really glad you wrote this. The same or similar experience is happening with us. The lack of being able to do what everyone is used to is bringing up feelings of despair and hopelessness for us but it didn’t occur to me until you wrote it out that some who were used to to doing outside the home tasks are now here. I suppose they would be learning what the homefront is all about. Except we can hardly figure it out. Most days feel isolated. I keep trying to figure out if I am lonely, but the sense comes up as separated from.
 
Thread starter #4
Thanks Treamwork. Thought some kind of new weird going on. Yeah, they are suppose to be taking care of outside stuff. You made it clearer. Thanks.

Ronin, you are right. Have to keep repeating it's not going to happen again. Lost sight of that
 
#5
Thanks Treamwork. Thought some kind of new weird going on. Yeah, they are suppose to be taking care of outside stuff. You made it clearer. Thanks.

Ronin, you are right. Have to keep repeating it's not going to happen again. Lost sight of that
Isn't it intriguing that we keep on "forgetting" that it won't happen again?
In my online therapy session yesterday I/we became quite panicky. One of the things we used to ground was saying: my body is scared but I am safe. Lots of hugs your way.

I want to say though that one of the things that have helped ease the isolation/disconnection and overwhelm was to go back to in person. My therapist actually suggested it. Dissociation is a big struggle for me/us and grounding is harder when doing therapy online. She is only seeing me in person for now, I believe. Maybe bring it up to your therapist?

Sending love 💜.
 
Thread starter #6
Thanks, @Ireusa.
We have been video seeing T twice a week. He suggested we do one in person. But he has a..shoot, forget what called; like internal heart paddles.. We would be devastated if he caught the Virus coming in to see us. But..May ask about once a month maybe do double session. Our little ones don't believe the guy on the monitor...they say TV..Is really our T. So they won't talk to him. That would help with that too. Thanks for suggesting that.
 
#8
Thanks, @Ireusa.
We have been video seeing T twice a week. He suggested we do one in person. But he has a..shoot, forget what called; like internal heart paddles.. We would be devastated if he caught the Virus coming in to see us. But..May ask about once a month maybe do double session. Our little ones don't believe the guy on the monitor...they say TV..Is really our T. So they won't talk to him. That would help with that too. Thanks for suggesting that.
Defibrillator???
 
#9
Thanks, @Ireusa.
We have been video seeing T twice a week. He suggested we do one in person. But he has a..shoot, forget what called; like internal heart paddles.. We would be devastated if he caught the Virus coming in to see us. But..May ask about once a month maybe do double session. Our little ones don't believe the guy on the monitor...they say TV..Is really our T. So they won't talk to him. That would help with that too. Thanks for suggesting that.
We actually upped the minutes so we do one weekly session but for 90min. 60minutes didn't make sense since we spend such a long time dissociating and grounding.
If your therapist offered, I am sure they thought everything through. You could also talk about it with them: Even though I could see how in person sessions would be beneficial, I am fearful of doing so because...
It is your choice. Sending love 💜.
 
#10
We actually upped the minutes so we do one weekly session but for 90min. 60minutes didn't make sense since we spend such a long time dissociating and grounding.
If your therapist offered, I am sure they thought everything through. You could also talk about it with them: Even though I could see how in person sessions would be beneficial, I am fearful of doing so because...
It is your choice. Sending love 💜.
I am fortunate my T sees a few people in her office. She agreed because the computer screen can increase dissociation. There was no part of me that would do video sessions....somehow, I can leave the stuff in the office after talking about it.....I can't imagine bringing it home. The T concept at home.....yeah, no. I don't even like Zoom sessions with friends. I tried a shamanic journeying session online....and that was super weird. I can't imagine having T on my home computer. To keep safe, I wash my hands in her bathroom before going into her office and sitting down, she goes in first and sits. I sit down about 8-9 feet away, and I try to maintain my distance when leaving. That is working for us. Good luck with that!
 
Thread starter #11
Can you tell the kiddos some times, people on TV are real too -

And its ok if not real if that is a good person who helps, so can talk to him? :)
We thought we came up with a way to prove he's real. If he brought his dog to the screen,little ones could ask him to do something with his dog like wave the dog's paw. He could do it. No way would be know in advance. BTW one of ours is a dog trainer & judge. He said he had gone to get his dog, she ran under the bed. It's been very hot here & he thought she thought he was going to put her out. Our handler pointed out to him that that was the opposite of what the *come* command meant. We laughed but the little ones didn't come as a result. Will try next week again.
 
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