Am I being overdramatic or is my best friend really just … shitty?

The_One

Learning
My grandpa is on his last leg and I’m pretty sure he is not gonna be able to survive. He’s 93 years old. I’ve told my best friend I don’t like him (i don’t like him but he’s my grandpa and I still respect him as my grandpa) so maybe she thinks since I didn’t like him much that it’s not a big deal. I’ve ranted to her about the shit he’s said and done so maybe she really doesn’t like him. But he’s still my grandpa.

She’s on vacation right now and I get that she might be busy with her brother and his friends but it’s like she doesn’t really care. She has texted me three to four times per day ever since he’s been in the hospital to check in and say I’m praying for you but that’s it. I’ve known her for ten years.
It feels like she doesn’t really care. And it’s not the first time I’ve realized she doesn’t show emotion like I do. She does not do well with people crying , etc. she doesn’t know how to comfort them. I’m trying to tell myself she really doesn’t know how to deal with uncomfortable emotions and it’s not just me.

She asked me a question this morning and we spoke a little a bit and then she left me on read.

Idk if I’m being over dramatic but as a best friend I thought she’d be texting me more. She’s been so annoying posting on Instagram and Snapchat about her trip and I’ve been over here going through grief and waves of sadness and I had to mute her because it was so annoying.
I’m not liking this at all.
Am I being over dramatic? I know I’m overly sensitive from this experience but it’s been very very annoying watching her have so much fun on her trip.
 
is it possible to be over-dramatic on a death watch? that fits my definition of drama defined and i tend to think the drama is even worse for people who i don't especially like and/or have been sick for a very long time. the feelings of relief brings on tidal waves of guilt from my own psyche. do i grieve the end of life or celebrate the end of suffering?

but on the subject of your friend's response, i find myself wondering if you are both being mutually shitty. vacation and family grieving are inherently incompatible events. who wants to ice a vacation with death watches, especially for people you've heard lots of bad things about? if you are taking votes, i vote you be happy for your friend's good time and forgive her the unfortunate timing of her blessing. just voting. . .

steadying support while you decide what is right for you.
 
is it possible to be over-dramatic on a death watch? that fits my definition of drama defined and i tend to think the drama is even worse for people who i don't especially like and/or have been sick for a very long time. the feelings of relief brings on tidal waves of guilt from my own psyche. do i grieve the end of life or celebrate the end of suffering?

but on the subject of your friend's response, i find myself wondering if you are both being mutually shitty. vacation and family grieving are inherently incompatible events. who wants to ice a vacation with death watches, especially for people you've heard lots of bad things about? if you are taking votes, i vote you be happy for your friend's good time and forgive her the unfortunate timing of her blessing. just voting. . .

steadying support while you decide what is right for you.
You’re so right. I am sitting in a ton of emotions right now. Guilt happiness rage and everything in between from this death watch.
 
Have you considered she has trauma in her own past and some things you’ve said have triggered that?

I’m the worst at showing emotions and dealing with others emotions so what you say about her texting a few times a day and asking about you, for me that’s a lot in an emotional situation. I mean you have a problem I can solve, I will talk to you and problem solve until it’s solved. But emotion stuff, yep I suck at that.

The way you describe her makes me think of myself and until recently close friends had no idea I’d been through anything. So if this is who she is as a person maybe cut her some slack.

I’m serious, my boss who I love and have known almost 20 years, been to her home, taken her meals, chatted about all kinds of stuff was just yesterday told she has to go through chemo for breast cancer, I’m pretty much useless. Doesn’t mean I don’t feel for her just means I suck at how to react and help.
 
She’s on vacation right now

busy with her brother and his friends
Those two things, and she's still texting you several times a day.
Doesn't sound like she's being a shitty friend. Sounds like she is on holiday, seeing her own family and still finding time to check in on you, and keeping you in mind.

I can't see anything shitty there.

Doesn't mean your feelings aren't validm you are going through a very sad and hard time.
But maybe use the support she can offer (and the limitations you feel with that).
 
She’s just a shallow friend who can’t help you in an emotional level. She’s probably good for going out and having fun, but that’s it. The “I’ll pray for you” thing is the biggest bullshit ever because it allows the other person to think they are doing something while actually doing nothing at all.
 
Your situation is crappy, and it makes sense you feel really lousy and are looking for extra support.

To me, it also makes sense that your friend is trying to enjoy her vacation.

How much we expect people to put their own lives on hold in order to support us is a very difficult question. I suspect that both of you are being pretty reasonable - you want more support, she wants to enjoy her vacation. Both of those positions sound pretty fair to me.
 
I’d be careful of flashbacks & Transferance from this Grandpa is in the ICU and it feels like I’m being traumatized (dads death)!! I need to sleep!

Making it seem like you’re a kid that a loved one is abandoning, going off and enjoying themselves leaving you on your own… instead of actual real-time you, an adult, with a best friend who is in daily frequent contact with you, even whilst she’s on vacation with her own family.

Echoes from the past can reeeeeally distort the present.
 
K
I’d be careful of flashbacks & Transferance from this Grandpa is in the ICU and it feels like I’m being traumatized (dads death)!! I need to sleep!

Making it seem like you’re a kid that a loved one is abandoning, going off and enjoying themselves leaving you on your own… instead of actual real-time you, an adult, with a best friend who is in daily frequent contact with you, even whilst she’s on vacation with her own family.

Echoes from the past can reeeeeally distort the present.
yup!
 
Sounds like you're not feeling supported. I'm really sorry about that.

She’s on vacation right now and I get that she might be busy with her brother and his friends but it’s like she doesn’t really care. She has texted me three to four times per day ever since he’s been in the hospital to check in and say I’m praying for you but that’s it. I’ve known her for ten years.
Best friend or not, I think getting 4 texts a day asking how you are while she's on vacation is pretty awesome. I can see where you might feel like you're not getting enough support generally, especially during this very difficult time. I don't have a best friend, but I tend to have higher expectations than are reasonable of most everybody when things are really hard.

Sending care.
 
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