Am I ever going to meet a nice partner?

silverwhale

New Here
hello All,
I'm writing you from Europe as here I haven't found any kind of group support for PTSD (so sorry for my English).
I'm writing this post because it's becoming more and more difficult for me to believe that one day I will find just a correct partner (I'm not dreaming about the perfect man) ; I so want to be loved and give love in return to someone. Of course the covid situation brings a lot of loneliness eventhough loneliness has been part of my whole life. Those last days, it become harder and harder.
I'm 50, and it's only since a few months that I understand that I suffer from PTSD. No psychologist (except the last one that I met in July) that I have seen, has ever mentionned this syndrom in my case. It took one session to my actual psy to understand that I was traumatized. But even if my psy used the word traumatized, I could feel that she did not understand how deep it was for me.
But at least she put a word on it and I started to dig into my self by reading books to know better about the consequences of my syndrom upon my love life/

I had already found out since a few years that my ex-husband was a narcissistic perverse. I also had to admit that the next relationship was with a emotional abuser.
Now everything makes sense.
Even if I'm 50 years old, I don't have a lot of relationship experiences : or I choose people that are living too far away, or people don't give me a chance and time enough to build a strong relationship and they prefer to leave me and go with another partner.
In my professional life, I don't have any issue to talk with men and work with men. But in my private life it's like I'm transparent, nobody sees me. Nobody tries to talk to me, to know me, even just to become a friend. Everybody is just interested in my professional competences and that's it. Jokes, beers, coffee, restaurants, invitations are not meant for me.
And now with this covid, I'm kind of isolated. There is no way that I can meet new people. I try everyday to do my homework on Tinder App and try to meet new people. But my longest chat was with someone who at the end asked me for money. Another abuser.
Do you have some tips and tricks that I could use to meet people and have some social interactions? How can I heal if I can't exercise with new relationships?
I have only one close girlfriend. The other friends have taken some distanciation (maybe due to the covid situation, everybody has discreased the circle of friends)
Before I could go to some conferences, I meet people with same interest at least for the time of the conference.
Nowadays there is nothing anymore, only zoom sessions.
I used to be someone perseverant. Now I'm starting to loose faith in myself and in the future. I wonder if I will ever meet one day someone that will love me for me, something that I never experiment. Yes this is the true reality, I was never loved by a man. And I would like to know this feeling before I die.
I know my post is long and maybe not clear. But this is the first time that I express out loud my feelings.
On a daily basis I try to hold back those feelings because I don't want my sons to be sad for me.
Sometimes I wonder if the solution would be to have a pet... to have a pet because I'm not able to meet a human being ...
thank you for your time if you read all this.
 

Lotsoflove

Sponsor
hello All,
I'm writing you from Europe as here I haven't found any kind of group support for PTSD (so sorry for my English).
I'm writing this post because it's becoming more and more difficult for me to believe that one day I will find just a correct partner (I'm not dreaming about the perfect man) ; I so want to be loved and give love in return to someone. Of course the covid situation brings a lot of loneliness eventhough loneliness has been part of my whole life. Those last days, it become harder and harder.
I'm 50, and it's only since a few months that I understand that I suffer from PTSD. No psychologist (except the last one that I met in July) that I have seen, has ever mentionned this syndrom in my case. It took one session to my actual psy to understand that I was traumatized. But even if my psy used the word traumatized, I could feel that she did not understand how deep it was for me.
But at least she put a word on it and I started to dig into my self by reading books to know better about the consequences of my syndrom upon my love life/

I had already found out since a few years that my ex-husband was a narcissistic perverse. I also had to admit that the next relationship was with a emotional abuser.
Now everything makes sense.
Even if I'm 50 years old, I don't have a lot of relationship experiences : or I choose people that are living too far away, or people don't give me a chance and time enough to build a strong relationship and they prefer to leave me and go with another partner.
In my professional life, I don't have any issue to talk with men and work with men. But in my private life it's like I'm transparent, nobody sees me. Nobody tries to talk to me, to know me, even just to become a friend. Everybody is just interested in my professional competences and that's it. Jokes, beers, coffee, restaurants, invitations are not meant for me.
And now with this covid, I'm kind of isolated. There is no way that I can meet new people. I try everyday to do my homework on Tinder App and try to meet new people. But my longest chat was with someone who at the end asked me for money. Another abuser.
Do you have some tips and tricks that I could use to meet people and have some social interactions? How can I heal if I can't exercise with new relationships?
I have only one close girlfriend. The other friends have taken some distanciation (maybe due to the covid situation, everybody has discreased the circle of friends)
Before I could go to some conferences, I meet people with same interest at least for the time of the conference.
Nowadays there is nothing anymore, only zoom sessions.
I used to be someone perseverant. Now I'm starting to loose faith in myself and in the future. I wonder if I will ever meet one day someone that will love me for me, something that I never experiment. Yes this is the true reality, I was never loved by a man. And I would like to know this feeling before I die.
I know my post is long and maybe not clear. But this is the first time that I express out loud my feelings.
On a daily basis I try to hold back those feelings because I don't want my sons to be sad for me.
Sometimes I wonder if the solution would be to have a pet... to have a pet because I'm not able to meet a human being ...
thank you for your time if you read all this.
A pet offers a lot of connection and unconditional love . I wish I could have a puppy. I’m allergic to cats.
It’s been so difficult. I have experienced these things with my friends. They have formed tight circles that doesn’t include me. I see 1-2 ppl at work. It’s very lonely times.
 

silverwhale

New Here
A pet offers a lot of connection and unconditional love . I wish I could have a puppy. I’m allergic to cats.
It’s been so difficult. I have experienced these things with my friends. They have formed tight circles that doesn’t include me. I see 1-2 ppl at work. It’s very lonely times.
yes this is crazy how circles are formed and how we can be excluded without notice and knowing why. Sometimes I'm tired to be the first to call. I would like to be called too. Sometimes I wonder if I have to show more vulnerability or shout out loud that I'm also a human being and that I need attention.
Apparently it's really difficult to get out from this pattern of emotional neglect. I don't have apparently the good keys for socializing yet ;-)
 

Lotsoflove

Sponsor
yes this is crazy how circles are formed and how we can be excluded without notice and knowing why. Sometimes I'm tired to be the first to call. I would like to be called too. Sometimes I wonder if I have to show more vulnerability or shout out loud that I'm also a human being and that I need attention.
Apparently it's really difficult to get out from this pattern of emotional neglect. I don't have apparently the good keys for socializing yet ;-)
I have never been really good at keeping up with ppl. I tend to isolate.
the only way I started being included was making plans to do stuff or be very vocal about it like next time you go to concert Or beach let me know. But now it’s winter and pandemic activities r limited
 
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