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Am I Glad I Found You! Threatened by a Gun

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by melody, Oct 5, 2006.

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  1. melody

    melody Active Member

    Hi everyone,
    I can't tell you how incredibly happy I am that I found this site! I spent hours on here lastnight reading through a lot of the postings and cried my eyes out. It was so comforting to find out there are other people like me and even though the "textbooks" say I'm having a normal reaction, I now know that I'm not alone.
    I have been diagnosed with PTSD and depression and currently I'm afraid to go out of my house most days.
    My traumatic event happened at work just over a year ago... I was covering reception (not even my regular job), when a man came into my office threatening me that he had a gun. What ensued from there I'm not quite sure, but apparently I talked the guy down to the point where the cops weren't even called until the next day. No one saw the gun, not even me and because he didn't have one registered to his name, no charges were laid, but no one can take away the fear that man instilled in me that day.
    That night my boss told me to write out a statement, stating "verbatim" everything that happened and it was during that time that what I've now come to know as PTSD, started to take hold. I spent hours trying to remember what happened and as I typed and re-typed, my anxiety level started to sky-rocket! I was afraid to go anywhere near my work the next day, but did, only to be sent home. It seems I had "changed" over night and needed to go and see my Doctor.
    Since then I have been in treatment, but with each "trigger," I feel I have taken two steps backwards and I have become very skeptical that anyone can help me. Through all this therapy, I have been requesting to go into group therapy because I believe knowing there are actually people like me out there, would make me feel somewhat normal. But I have been lied to and have been told that it will only harm me. It seems all they want to do is fill me full of anti-depressants and because I don't want to take them, it is my fault, I'm not moving forward.
    I like the rest of you, have had friends and family tell me to just get over it and because of that, I have become quite a loner. Although I have a boyfriend that is incredibly supportive and two daughters (17 & 23) that are trying really hard to understand why the mother that "never took shit from anyone" is afraid of her own shadow.
    So, that's the short form of my story and before I bore the heck out of you, I will sign off. But before I do, I want to tell you how happy I am to have come across this site and I look forward to speaking with all of you!
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  3. DesertDweller

    DesertDweller Active Member

    Welcome Melody,

    I am glad you found us also. Hopefully we will be able to help you in your(our) struggle to cope with PTSD.

  4. Nam

    Nam I'm a VIP

    Welcome Melody. There is a wealth of information on this site about natural remedies to help with the symptoms of PTSD. Maybe some of them will help you?

    I'm sorry such a shocking thing happened to you. I can't believe the cops weren't called!!!!! Wow. I think that your symptoms would be less if the guy was in jail. He's out there and you know it, and it's making your body react just the same as if he was in front of you holding that gun.

    May I ask what he wanted?
  5. goingonhope

    goingonhope Member Premium Member

    Welcome Melody, Happy you found this forum. I know how excited you must be knowing you're not alone. I too feel this way. Not bored in the least bit. Glad your with us. Hope you stay with us. Lots of additional support here. Some of the best! Know exactly the difficulty in remem. trauma, sometimes impossible ...and 'verbatim' for cryin' out loud. Lots more hope for you Melody. Your doing it, reaching out, GREAT! I've been an outgoing person trapped in a loner mind-set for yrs. Always has felt unnatural to me. Difference is I didn't receive help and you can. :hello: I'll be bold in saying, We all want change and hope for You and your family. Wishing you the best.
  6. melody

    melody Active Member

    Thank you (all of you) for your support - I can't tell you how much it means to me!
    In response to your question Nam... The guy that does our collections - funny it's not OUR collections, I haven't been back to work and don't believe I can ever go back there - was hounding this guy for money. He (the gunman)apparently had lost everything; his business, his wife and his house and couldn't pay us and I guess he was at the end of his rope.
    And yes, it is hard. The psychologists that I have seen have told me that he's probably not even thinking about me anymore and probably wouldn't even recognize me, but I need a guarantee on that. And I know there are no guarantees in life, but this is one I need. The worst thing is, he's not the only thing that scares me anymore - I'm just plain scared. Scared to walk across the street to check my mail, scared to go to the grocery store, scared to go out for the beloved walks I used to go on everyday, scared to visit familly and friends, the list is endless. I see negativity in everything and I used to always be the most positive person, and I'm not sure how to get my life back. Everyone just keeps telling me to get over it and there are times when I tell myself that all of this is just a bad dream and when I open my eyes, it will be over. But then I try to go out and the anxiety starts; I start to sweat profusely, I feel sick to my stomach, my heart starts to race, I get pains in my chest, I start to envision all the bad things that could happen if I do go out and I just talk myself out of it. Avoidance? Yes. My enemy? So I'm told. Too bad I can't seem to get past my enemy.
  7. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

    You will in time. This board has does wonders with helping me get a grasp and push myself where needed and can probably do the same for you if you are ready for your life back. It is in you and you can do it. As far as the anti-depressants I don't like them (I don't any of us really do) but many of us have to take them to get our minds to a state where we can start to heal, not fix it for us. And as Nam pointed out there are plenty of natrual alternatives too. Welcome aboard.
  8. kimG

    kimG Well-Known Member

    Hi Melody!

    Welcome to the family; we're glad you're here.

    I completely understand what you mean when you say you are just plain scared. My brother was one of the main perpetrators of my abuse and I currently don't know where he is (he was in prison, but has been released - YIKES!). Don't know what I'd do if I were to see him...but I try not to dwell on it.

    Feel free to rant and rave all you want. I may be going out on a limb here, but I'd venture to say there's very little you will tell us that someone on the board hasn't also experienced and very little will shock us too. So just let it out! You'll find that talking to someone about it, even if it's through a computer, will help you feel like you've lifted a weight off your shoulders.

  9. darkskies

    darkskies Active Member

    hi melody, welcome!

    i was struck by the simiarities of your situation to mine, i was threatened by a guy who had a knife, and the fear i get incase he is nearby can get pretty intense too. i also project those feelings onto other people and situations, scared to go out, staying away from friends etc. it's like you were in my mind when you described your symptoms!
    You said you have spent time looking at the site so you've probably realised that the being scared and anxiety are pretty common here, so feel free to vent and share you feelings and thoughts, you're among friends here that get where your coming from, and although ptsd is difficult there are coping methods and tecniques that can help you feel more in control. Hang in there,
  10. Farmer

    Farmer Active Member

    Hi Melody,

    This is a great site as you can see you are not alone here:)
  11. Miander

    Miander Active Member

    Not bored!

    Welcome Melody! I too was put in fear for my life and I know what that can do to a person. I wasn't able to leave my bed or drive my car for almost four months. I think for me that was just what I needed to do, don't let anyone tell you what is right for you and your recovery. There are a lot of people here who know what you are going through, "listen" to the advice they give you and find what works for you. Most importantly don't be hard on yourself or have expectations, you will get through this!
  12. anthony

    anthony Donate To Keep MyPTSD Founder

    Hi Melody, welcome to the forum. Well melody, lets not waste any time here, and let me show you some reasoning you can think about in regard to your trauma, and the way you now react in life.
    The good thing here, is as you already worked out for yourself about doctors, is that their twits, and they have diagnosed you incorrectly, because they have given you a double diagnosis. The diagnosis of PTSD, already encompasses depression within it. Doctors know this, but they brand you uniquely so the don't have to explain why they need to treat you with multiple medications, hence get their quota of prescriptions and pharmaceutical kickbacks for increasing the wealth. Read this thread about [DLMURL="http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread1097.html"]PTSD multiple diagnosis labelling[/DLMURL], and this will answer most of your questions in this regard. The majority of doctors are twits, though some do really care about their patients enough to be sensible with them.
    Now, do you think the police were just being lazy here? I do. I think they just thought to themselves, "well... no gun, nobody hurt that they could see, lets not worry about it and move on!" Whether you have a weapon or not on your person, if you threaten you do / threaten to use a weapon, whether you show it or not, the person/s on the receiving end still have the same intense fear, as you now have PTSD from that fear.

    It is like a person going into a service station with their hand in their pocket, making it look as though a gun is in there, getting money or goods, then leaving. Whether a gun exists or not, the person is not charged with robbery, they are charged with armed robbery. This should have been no difference, hence why I believe the police where just being lazy with this callout.
    Well, your wait is over melody... because we can help you move past PTSD if you want too. If you don't, then nothing we say or do to support / guide you will make a difference.
    Yes, your thoughts are correct, and once again, the therapists / doctors are idiots with no idea or concept of what feelings we have with PTSD. If its not in a text book, they can't comprehend it. Absolute idiots. The best therapists / physicians for PTSD, could only be one's with PTSD IMHO. But they are about as rare as rocking horse shit.
    Standard physician nonsense... lived it myself, know better now.
    Melody, your asking for something that can only be confirmed by meeting the attacker. Honestly, from what you described, he was going through a very depressive state within his life, and when in that state, his actions are not always reflective of the person behind them. This means, that instead of trying to convince yourself that he has forgotten about you, he could actually have PTSD now himself, from the guilt he may now carry if he realized what he had done. He may, he may not realise that impact and/or carry that guilt with him.

    You see, from the state of mind he was in from his personal situations, it had nothing to do with you personally melody, it was only the fact that you happen to be the person he met first. It wasn't personal, he was most likely frightened also... This doesn't defend his actions, or condone them, because he was in control to some point of himself, though he has a temporary mental relapse that was also involved most likely, thus he was partially in control, and the mental breakdown was partially in control.

    He may be sitting there now curled up in a corner with PTSD because he has realised what he did, even though he got away with it. He may have no guilt or remorse what so ever, and be living his life like nothing happened. At the end of the day though, you can't change this, nor can anyone guarantee anything too you. You have to make a choice whether to continue fearing this event, or to heal and move on with your life. It is a choice, and we cannot control what others choose, we can only control our own choices and decisions.
    This is normal with what you have endured, and this is the anxiety component of PTSD working at its best. This can be taught and retrained if you want it.

    Wouldn't it be lovely if we could just "get over it" or "get past it" and all the other catch phrases thrown around. Unfortunately this is impossible, as you know, though unless people experience PTSD, they cannot truly understand what is going on. However, every aspect of trauma can be healed, even though PTSD will still be present. Once we heal from our trauma, then we just need to learn how to manage our PTSD.
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2015
  13. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member


    ROFL! Ohhh thank you for that Anthony!! I must remember that I am "as rare as rocking horse shit." That is just priceless!!!


    It is very nice to meet you. Ditto for everything that Anthony said too. Being threatened is being threatened. You can not read someone's mind and determine if they are full of shit or not. Doctors and police are idiots in this case.

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