blissfuldaydreams
Learning
My recollection of the abuse that happened is so broken I can't tell if I'm having a real flashback or if I'm just filling in the blanks. I blacked out almost every time I was with him. I remember sitting on the bed after he would leave, I would just stare into space and replay what had just happened and erase it/bury it very deep.
Now whenever I have a new flashback it feels so real but I can't tell if I'm just making it up to fill in the lapses of time. Like everything is so hazy in my head am I just trying to make it less hazy by making things up? I hope this makes sense to someone, if so how do you differentiate what is real and what may be made up? Could these details be real and I just buried them really deep? It’ll be really small things like I'll remember that he didn't just punch my face but he punched my leg after too. Idk. I feel like this could also do with like an internalized sense of not wanting to believe myself because I was manipulated into thinking none of this actually happened? Idk things are so foggy. Could there be so much more he did that I can't remember?
When I was working with my previous therapist emdr therapy helped a lot to clear up the memories of sexual abuse at the hands of my father. But that is not really an option for me now with telehealth. Anyone got any words/advice to offer?
Now whenever I have a new flashback it feels so real but I can't tell if I'm just making it up to fill in the lapses of time. Like everything is so hazy in my head am I just trying to make it less hazy by making things up? I hope this makes sense to someone, if so how do you differentiate what is real and what may be made up? Could these details be real and I just buried them really deep? It’ll be really small things like I'll remember that he didn't just punch my face but he punched my leg after too. Idk. I feel like this could also do with like an internalized sense of not wanting to believe myself because I was manipulated into thinking none of this actually happened? Idk things are so foggy. Could there be so much more he did that I can't remember?
When I was working with my previous therapist emdr therapy helped a lot to clear up the memories of sexual abuse at the hands of my father. But that is not really an option for me now with telehealth. Anyone got any words/advice to offer?