Olivekitten
New Here
After leaving an abusive relationship, I got really into learning about abuse. I watched hours and hours of YouTube videos, tiktoks, audiobooks, etc. The more I did the more I started to see how much I related to symptoms of childhood abuse. I don’t remember anything — the worst that could be said is my parents weren’t very emotionally engaged. I rarely talked to them about feelings but they are kind people at heart. Fed me and put a roof over my head. I have a good relationship with them as an adult.
Anyway, I’m into BDSM and enjoy that safely with my current wonderful boyfriend. I want to believe that this interest came from my brain trying to make sense of the abusive relationship I left but... I have memories as a child of sexual fantasies of being restrained and forced to allow men to touch me. I didn’t even know what sex was! I had no idea I even had a hole down there, lol. Due to the house it was in, I would have been between 4-7.
I have recently started seeing a therapist again, clearly I should bring this up and ask her, but I feel silly. I feel like I’m reading too much into things... like I’m making things up for attention.
But here is the first time I’ve told anyone about it, so I don’t know.
Anyway, I’m into BDSM and enjoy that safely with my current wonderful boyfriend. I want to believe that this interest came from my brain trying to make sense of the abusive relationship I left but... I have memories as a child of sexual fantasies of being restrained and forced to allow men to touch me. I didn’t even know what sex was! I had no idea I even had a hole down there, lol. Due to the house it was in, I would have been between 4-7.
I have recently started seeing a therapist again, clearly I should bring this up and ask her, but I feel silly. I feel like I’m reading too much into things... like I’m making things up for attention.
But here is the first time I’ve told anyone about it, so I don’t know.