Muttly
MyPTSD Pro
Ok, this is probably the worlds most selfish post.
So, as some of you know my financial situation isn't good. And then my car broke down and everything got worse. I was stressed. I wasn't going on and on about it to friends but it certainly leaked through at times. So there's this older couple who I'm friends with and sometimes they treat me like an extra kid of there's. Once before they helped me out, unasked, financially. I paid them back. Things were no where near as bad as they are for me now. So, 9 days ago I got an email from J. She said they were worried and wanted to know what was going on. She said she would, "rather do something more useful than worrying". So I sent an email back and gave details. How much I was short on the car and some things I'm doing to drag myself out of my financial hole, etc. I got back an email saying that my reply was very helpful. Since then... absolutely no communication. I mean, if they don't want to or can't help me that's fine. Just tell me.
And at this point I'm irritated. Is that horrible? I just sort of feel like I'm just been left hanging. I mean, it sort of felt like there was this implied, you aren't communicating and we are stressed out. But then when I communicate... nothing. And not just that. I said I want to know, but actually I *need* to know. There is a vast difference between are loaning/giving me nothing to $500.00. My car won't be ready until Friday. There are bills due now. Do I delay or see if I work out a payment plan? I don't know. I'm trying to sell off possessions. How much do I sell and how desperate am I to sell before Friday. I don't know. And I don't feel like I have a right to ask. I don't want to put them in an uncomfortable position.
But then... accepting help, especially from anyone who seems remotely parental is a huge tangle. Help from the parents always came with massive strings. Any help meant I *owed* them. And they would do the thing where I wouldn't ask for help and then they'd push and push until I told them what was stressing and then give help but they'd also make it clear what a screw up I was and how much I owed them. oh... and the "we are worried" thing. The mother would use that as a bludgeon. If she was worried I'd get to hear how she couldn't sleep, how she couldn't eat and had gotten sick to her stomach and it was all my freaking fault. And of course that meant I was obligated to talk to her, answer her questions, reassure her and blah blah blah... and that's all in the past but maybe I'm just dragging all that crap into this current situation?
So, as some of you know my financial situation isn't good. And then my car broke down and everything got worse. I was stressed. I wasn't going on and on about it to friends but it certainly leaked through at times. So there's this older couple who I'm friends with and sometimes they treat me like an extra kid of there's. Once before they helped me out, unasked, financially. I paid them back. Things were no where near as bad as they are for me now. So, 9 days ago I got an email from J. She said they were worried and wanted to know what was going on. She said she would, "rather do something more useful than worrying". So I sent an email back and gave details. How much I was short on the car and some things I'm doing to drag myself out of my financial hole, etc. I got back an email saying that my reply was very helpful. Since then... absolutely no communication. I mean, if they don't want to or can't help me that's fine. Just tell me.
And at this point I'm irritated. Is that horrible? I just sort of feel like I'm just been left hanging. I mean, it sort of felt like there was this implied, you aren't communicating and we are stressed out. But then when I communicate... nothing. And not just that. I said I want to know, but actually I *need* to know. There is a vast difference between are loaning/giving me nothing to $500.00. My car won't be ready until Friday. There are bills due now. Do I delay or see if I work out a payment plan? I don't know. I'm trying to sell off possessions. How much do I sell and how desperate am I to sell before Friday. I don't know. And I don't feel like I have a right to ask. I don't want to put them in an uncomfortable position.
But then... accepting help, especially from anyone who seems remotely parental is a huge tangle. Help from the parents always came with massive strings. Any help meant I *owed* them. And they would do the thing where I wouldn't ask for help and then they'd push and push until I told them what was stressing and then give help but they'd also make it clear what a screw up I was and how much I owed them. oh... and the "we are worried" thing. The mother would use that as a bludgeon. If she was worried I'd get to hear how she couldn't sleep, how she couldn't eat and had gotten sick to her stomach and it was all my freaking fault. And of course that meant I was obligated to talk to her, answer her questions, reassure her and blah blah blah... and that's all in the past but maybe I'm just dragging all that crap into this current situation?