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Sufferer An Old Friend

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gonegirl

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Hi ..i have been getting to know you a bit before plucking up courage to seek support .i have recently been diagnosed with PTSD after a 2 yr struggle with worsening symptoms. I am in T but early days & still v scared and finding it distressing . I can't ever see a way of connecting to my pre trauma self as i am so lost . My main struggles are constant intrusive memories , fear of sleep , flashbacks, guilt, anger, the street and its people , hate . All due i'm sure to the unresolved grief from witnessing traumatic death of my oldest most loved childhood friend. Anyway , HI ,im no longer a lurker
 
Gonegirl, hello, :) and nice to meet you!

I'm sorry for your loss and suffering. How hard it must be. Tradition seems to be on this forum, that the first post is usually focused on greeting, our new member. And to dive right in there:
I am in T but early days & still v scared and finding it distressing. I can't ever see a way of connecting to my pre trauma self as i am so lost .
Just today, I was thinking about my 'pre-trauma' self. It seems like recreating myself, rather than recouping my old self, has been more helpful. I do sometimes long for the simplified world that I had, but I was not as happy, overall-had so much sadness and anger stored in me. Before, I didn't really understand or relate to suffering--at least most of our species
I'm sure to the unresolved grief from witnessing the traumatic death of my oldest most loved childhood friend
Your sense seems very accurate. For me, too, healing seems to take more time, than I planned on. Patience is helpful. Exploring body work, and different therapy styles-if you don't see progress, emotional expressions-anger and sadness, and Mindfulness, can all help the process along. The good ;) part is that you get to be in charge of navigating and creating new skill sets, to assist you, in the future.

Other members will be very helpful, and please visit the vault, and search topics-that relate to your concern. My best!:hug:
 
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Thank you. I have not had much success as yet with mindfulness. My T has told me that my mind is not yet ready . I think i understand a little of what she means .i find "thinking " and recognising thinking very frightening. I am still learning grounding techniques as my flashbacks are very physical . .i am mostly using this helpful forum to try and seek understanding of ptsd as an illness or injury and not just something i should" get over " i Have a v supportive husband but my grown up children do not understand at all .they often say things like " we all have to deal with it " or why is it only you who is allowed to be sad/angry /uncommunicative etc .
I have to come to terms with the fact that my so called intelligent self is broken and that i don't control the brain i thought i had worked so hard to create
 
@gonegirl,Your descriptive words are so true. Learning to manage symptoms is realistic. Just this past year, did I come to see that my PTSD would not 'go away', although my symptoms may wax and wane.

And, isn't it frustrating when people in our lives don't understand? The forum is so helpful, for empathy. I had a good friend murdered; however I did not witness her death. Nightmares, panic attacks, and fear of being in the city were my issues.

Your therapist sounds wise, and grounded. With your words, I can see how the right bodywork was relaxing and releasing, almost always. Mindfulness, on the other hand, aggravated me sometimes-used it a bit too soon.

I've enjoyed our exchange. Hope to talk to you again.
 
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@gonegirl Welcome to the forum!

It is hard for people who have not experienced PTSD to understand that it just isn't something that you get over or goes away on its own. It is very much an injury of sorts and healing takes time and a lot of focus, but it does get better. I hope you find this site and the support helpful.
 
Thank you all for making me feel welcome and understood . I can already tell i have found the right place to engage. Thank you all again. Speak soon
 
Hi Pegasus71 thank you for your welcome. I have a wonderful supporter in my husband but i worry so much about him. I know how guilty he feels that he has to work away every Monday to Friday. He has been at home for Christmas and i think he is shocked to see how badly i function . I often can't /won't talk to him on the phone when he is away not to be cruel but to protect him. It is hard for a sufferer to also cope with the guilt that your trauma hurts others too and you are powerless to help them. Brain tells us we are Weak & pathetic in their eyes .nasty trickery brains . I wonder often about asking him to join this forum but then get scared it is just something else that will frighten and upset him ? Does it frighten you?
 
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