hi, i'm new here & have learnt lots already from y'all, had felt so mad and alone for so long, but got a big question, something that isn't covered in 'what is traumatic enough' info: i experienced what's called 'anaesthetic awareness', when you wake up in the operating theatre, paralysed by muscle-relaxants and can't breathe and/or pain of the surgery, feel absolute & extreme terror (i got to the point after fighting desperately to try & breathe and stay alive for some minutes, i knew i couldn't, became calm, gave up & accepted my imminent death - but i didn't die, thought i had (yup, had a view from high up on the wall looking down at me!), woke in recovery... reported it to 6+ staff at hospital and all lied to me or ignored me. Have since found out lots about a/a as we call it: anaesthetic's biggest secret, only now getting the acceptance that it DOES happen & patients should not be told it was a 'dream' anymore. all anaesthetic guidelines state that when patients report this it should be instantly acknowledged and investigated with honest explanation to patients as that way helps prevent the 'psychological sequelae' of the trauma - but still in very many cases it is lied about & covered up to protect doctors'/hospitals' careers & reputations and prevent litigation - but it's been shown that honesty is far more likely to prevent litigation. sorry, am i rambling?! Anyway, me, i've been fighting for 10 months to get info/answers & lots of my medical notes being withheld. after op severe cognitive impairment/reliving/no sleep/anger/twitches etc. have improved but despairing i'll be properly the capable & carefree me i was before... but adapting (angry i have to) and afraid i'll forget how/who i was but know less frustration id i do forget! hmmmm. anyone else out there been here? i'm only a 1-finger typist, so this takes me ages. see; UK: anaestheticawareness.net and USA: anesthesiaawareness.com have you got one on oz? thanks for being there y'all! forgot to say: they think a/a happens in about 1 in 500 general anaesthetics (esp when muscle-relaxants used & tracheal tube down throat & machine breathing for you - if the staff are doing it properly!).