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Analogy: "my Hypervigilance Feels Like..."

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BloomInWinter

MyPTSD Pro
We can really help non-sufferers understand our symptoms when we verbalize them in ways they can understand.

The hypervigilance seems to be one of my most troubling quality of life destroying symptoms.

I suspect possibly those of us with PTSD may be of help to others who cannot speak about this symptom, such as those with autism.

By finding good ways of describing these symptoms, hopefully we can help the medical community understand what this symptom is like from the inside. I truly hope that the way I feel in hypervigilance is NOT what people with autism experience EVERY day...it is really debilitating.

My hypervigilance feels like my body has been put on hyperalert status and my skin, senses have all lost their filter, making all input...vision, hearing, touch, taste, smell...feel physically painful, overwhelming, and make me feel like any solution at all, no matter how destructive, would be welcome.
 
My hypervigilance feels like I am a rabbit. I can feel my ears twitch the way a German shepherd's ears will turn like little satellites to hear something while on high alert. Every tiny sound feels the way it does when you are trying to be silent but vividly aware of every creak and breath and it sounds like a million bottles breaking on asphalt even though it is extremely quiet. I feel like a rabbit because anything could spook me and all of my senses are going nuts. Reminds me of their twitching ears and noses and the way they startle--jumping around, hopping frantically for cover, or FREEZING like a squirrel on a post.
 
My hypervigilance feels like I am a rabbit. I can feel my ears twitch the way a German shepherd's ears will turn like little satellites to hear something while on high alert. Every tiny sound feels the way it does when you are trying to be silent but vividly aware of every creak and breath and it sounds like a million bottles breaking on asphalt even though it is extremely quiet. I feel like a rabbit because anything could spook me and all of my senses are going nuts. Reminds me of their twitching ears and noses and the way they startle--jumping around, hopping frantically for cover, or FREEZING like a squirrel on a post.
 
This is also one of my most frustrating symptoms because I always feel like I'm walking on unstable ground. At any moment things could come tumbling down. I'm always liistening, always watching, always being on guard (almost to the point of paranoia). It feels like the world could end at any moment and I have no control. It is rather debilitating and hard to overcome.
 
A heavy back pack that I can't ever take off filled with books I wish I could leave in the library--when I'm on edge, my shoulders are so tense, and this tension is impossible to alleviate. I also feel like I have a hearing aid with the volume set too high--every footstep behind me or in the hallway pounds my tympanic membrane like a bass drum. I also feel as though I'm walking on glass sidewalks which at any moment will shatter beneath me---Will because during times of hyper vigilance, it seems a certainty. I'm just hoping I can find a way to break my fall when it happens.

I used to be like this 24/7. Now it's just when I'm in my parent's house or Walmart. (There are so many dang people in Walmart during normal hours. I feel trapped and like too many people are watching me, and I can't keep up with them. I keep track of everyone around me all the time, but it's just too much at Walmart. I prefer shopping at 6 am now.)
 
My hypervigilence feels more comfortable now than it used to... once I understood what it was I got better at being able to dial it down a bit.

In new situations though, my hypervigilance feels like an electrified fence I throw up and around myself so that unsafe people and danger will not be able to get close to me.
 
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