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And Life Goes From Tolerable to Shite

Discussion in 'General' started by GR-ass, Aug 27, 2007.

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  1. GR-ass

    GR-ass Well-Known Member

    Was going great, actually being ale to cope with my symptoms, enjoy work and am looking at moving (just as soon as I get approved for a place.)

    Yup, all good news right?

    Not really.

    Today I get a phone call from my aunt in Mt Isa. She had a house fire. Her youngest daughter was missing. They found her too late.

    Dammit, I hate this shite. Why does even non related shit bring out the worst of my symptoms? I mean really.

    Now I am too fecking scared to sleep, too scared to breathe. Dammit, where's the alkie when I need it. Or a razor?

    Yeah yeah I know. Added stress exacerbates symptoms. With having (finally) settled into work, still dealing with bro dearest, and looking for a place with Luke, it is amazing I haven't had break outs of symptoms earlier.

    (re reads above post)

    Yeah, I'm ranting and attempting to deal with everything but what I need to.

    My cousin is dead. She was three, but she's dead. Life sucks, and she was just a baby. She deserved to live.

    And to top all this shite off, I think my bro dearest (who I hate with the fire of a thousand suns) may be another PTSD sufferer. Dammit. I actually think (looking back objectively, not subjectively (think I got that the right way around) that what he did to me, the abuse, the years of sheer torment was him attempting to deal with severe bullying (I'm talking full on humiliation and beatings) at school.
    I think it was his way of trying to gain control, any sort of control in life (sort of a the bully at school is bullied at home cycle).

    Doesn't make me like (or even accept what he did) any easier, it doesn't make me want to be near him, hell the thought of spending any more time then necessary with him makes me physically ill, but it has given me something to think about.

    Gorramit, my life and mindset is even more confusing then when I first came to the forum. Damn, guess I really do fit in fine.
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  3. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

    Of course you fit in! :)

    Glad to hear that there is some good news there, but so sorry about your niece (or is that cousin?) Life is truly unfair.

    Keep working at your PTSD. Just because we are going through a good phase doesn't mean it won't come back and bite us in the ass when we stop working on it!

    I have no other words for you. (sorry on my first timmy's over here!)

    nie likes this.
  4. GR-ass

    GR-ass Well-Known Member

    cousin *snugs*

    dammit, really think I need to find some stupid bloody sleepy pills.

    I spent the afternoon with my neices clinging to me, especially my Mouse, dammit, I don't ever want to see her that hurt again (yeah, I have my favourite, but I love them all)
  5. Kathy

    Kathy I'm a VIP

    I am very sorry to hear of your young cousin's death. Jim, Evie and I offer you and your family our sincerest condolences. That is indeed a tragedy. I do hope you will allow yourself to grieve. It is natural and normal to do so. If you stuff your feelings, things will only become worse, as I'm certain you are aware. Do take care of yourself during this difficult time.
    nie likes this.
  6. metis-siren

    metis-siren Active Member

    I just wanted to offer my sympathy and condolences.

    I'm not really in the head space to be able to say much, but I wanted you to know that you're in my thoughts.

    Take care with yourself, and give yourself as much breathing and grieving room as you can give yourself.
    nie likes this.
  7. She Cat

    She Cat Policy Enforcement Banned Premium Member Sponsor $100+


    I am so sorry for your loss. Yes, and it's even worse because it was a child....Please know that you and your cousin and family will be in my thoughts and prayers...

    God bless...

  8. 2quilt

    2quilt I'm a VIP


    I am so sorry to hear about your little cousin. Everyone here I am certain sends you comforting thoughts. Your heart must be breaking. We are all here to listen, Gr'ass.
  9. Jim

    Jim Well-Known Member

    Terrible tragedy Cass, to lose a precious little one. Can't imagine the pain you and the family must feel. Do take care of yourself.

  10. anthony

    anthony Silently Watching Founder

    Hey Cass... sorry to hear such dreadful news. No child deserves such fate.

    Your now learning though Cass, past, present and future affects PTSD. Interesting about your brother.... at a rough guess, I believe its not just bullying, but more he suffered trauma from the acts he did to you. Yes, you read that correctly.

    People think that being the victim only can cause PTSD. Wrong! Those who suffer no real trauma in their life though create trauma for someone, their subconscious most definitely perceives that trauma also. Its only a matter whether they develop PTSD or not... trauma affects not just the victim though, and most definitely the abuser as well. I agree though, you should not have sympathy for him because he has PTSD, regardless the cause, he still controlled his decisions. His choice, he acted upon them in a way that only inflicted more pain.
  11. GR-ass

    GR-ass Well-Known Member

    *hugs* anthony.

    Hard as it was to hear that said by some one else, it is true. Heh, at least I have stopped shouldering the blame for it all. Yeah, I know. Much as I said that I wasn't blaming myself, I still have been.

    And I let myself cry today.
  12. nugget

    nugget Well-Known Member

    So sorry to hear about the little one its just not right, big hugs to all your family from ours. Take it easy Cass. Rob & Jods.
  13. Marlene

    Marlene I'm a VIP Premium Member


    I'm so sorry to hear about this tradgedy for your family. You and yours are in my thoughts.

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