hyperanxiety
New Here
I am wondering if I am starting to feel my true emotions now. I am still mostly angry about just about everything. I am okay when I am out of my apartment but I strictly limit the amount and duration of time whenever I leave my home. If I didn't have to actually go out to get some necessary items I wouldn't (This is even though my depression and anxiety ramp up when I am home for a more extended period of time). Lately I have been becoming angry about having to go out.
As I was writing in my journal earlier I have to wonder if anger is a disguise for fear and fear is a disguise for shame or are they all one and the same? I probably am not making any sense at all. But I want to mention this because all I ever realize the more I journal is I keep going around and around in circles with the similar thoughts and always coming to revelations. Only these aren't revelations at all. These are the usual thoughts I believed from the beginning.
And then there are my abandonment issues. I even fear my own therapist is going to abandon me sometime in the future. (That usually only happened to me when the therapist leaves the practice or retires). Besides, most all of my other "friends" abandoned me eventually. So maybe the anger, fear, and shame all have something to do with me being abandoned?
But my shame goes much deeper than that. I am so ashamed of everything I think, say, and do especially when I am home. (I live alone and have lived alone for more than 20 years). Again, I am making no flippin' sense.
Maybe there is something I write in between the "revelations" at the start and beginning of my journal entries? Even now I am confusing myself more.
If anyone can relate to this and/or has any input, I would appreciate it very much. Thank you in advance!
As I was writing in my journal earlier I have to wonder if anger is a disguise for fear and fear is a disguise for shame or are they all one and the same? I probably am not making any sense at all. But I want to mention this because all I ever realize the more I journal is I keep going around and around in circles with the similar thoughts and always coming to revelations. Only these aren't revelations at all. These are the usual thoughts I believed from the beginning.
And then there are my abandonment issues. I even fear my own therapist is going to abandon me sometime in the future. (That usually only happened to me when the therapist leaves the practice or retires). Besides, most all of my other "friends" abandoned me eventually. So maybe the anger, fear, and shame all have something to do with me being abandoned?
But my shame goes much deeper than that. I am so ashamed of everything I think, say, and do especially when I am home. (I live alone and have lived alone for more than 20 years). Again, I am making no flippin' sense.
Maybe there is something I write in between the "revelations" at the start and beginning of my journal entries? Even now I am confusing myself more.
If anyone can relate to this and/or has any input, I would appreciate it very much. Thank you in advance!