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Anger Management

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cragger65

MyPTSD Pro
Anger rears its ugly head for me again. I have been given some pointers on managing anger, and I do apply them, but there is only so far they seem to carry me. I did a search and found posts on anger, but not management. I hope I haven't missed something.

Recent example: I've been calling my (ex) finance guy for weeks, telling him I'm taking my money out of the market and going into something guraenteed for now. Instead of simply complying with my directive, he has made himself unavailable, avoided my phone calls, pretended that he didn't understand my request requiring me to re-state it again and again and again, with increasing force, until I'm reduced to making investigation threats against him.

Now I understand, that makes me angry. But where it goes snaky on me is that it dredges up soooooo much old anger, being psychologically tortured for years by insurance, and other past issues. Suddenly it hits the point that if I don't know you really well (and maybe even if I do) you're against me, out to screw me, trying to manipulate me, and it turns into rage.

Now, I can give myself credit for handling this last 3 weeks with a-hole about as well as I could, and I don't feel guilty about putting him in his place, but it always spills over onto someone else, and that makes me feel like an absolute piece of shit. Not that I could ever be violent, that's not me, but being harshly judgemental and reactive. Who knows how that might affect someone else on any given day??

So my question is, What strategies do you use to manage your anger? I try walking, meditation (if anger is mild to moderate) screaming, calling someone and venting (though sometimes this makes it worse) and if it's very strong, punching the shit out of an inanimate object like the couch. What is "anger management" proper, what are it's tennets, where do I start?

thanks in advance for anything on the topic,
Dave
 
Hey Dave;
I was in internal rage ever since I can remember. I tried running through the woods, crashing sticks into trees, smashing plates and pumpkins, tearing up phone books..........oh, I was so angry, raging......
I got into therapy and I thought the anger would never leave. My T kept saying, you'll be done with the anger when you are done. I thought I'd never be done. I was so full of a terrifying rage constantly for decades and I had no idea what to do............
Then, along about the same time I hit 'acceptance', acceptance of all the crap that had been done to me, acceptance that my life has been shit,that I've gone through complete and utter hell and now I was mentally ill and physically sick and there wasn't a damn thing I could do to change it........I accepted it on a very deep level...........the struggle for survival, the insurance companys, employers that had treated me badly and sexually harassed and triggered me, the constant anxiety, the lawyers and doctors I all hated and despised............treated so badly............you just get so tired of being treated so badly.
But the acceptance..........acceptance brought with it some kind of relief. It is hard to explain...........I don't feel like a walking wad of rage anymore. I feel like I've been through a 40 year war and I'm changed and altered in very profound ways that most won't ever understand.............but I'm more at peace with it...........all the wrong that's been done to me..........I don't want the resentment anymore. Resentment will kill me. The anger has already hurt my health...........I want harmony and goodness..........and I'll stay away from the bad guys now...........I think I've finally learned how to sniff them out and run the other way.

As far as the 'system' goes..........just say '**** it', hang up the phone and go sit in a hot tub or look at a bird and thank god you are still alive. Rejoice in that............all the other stuff is silly crap...........you are still alive and with me here. That is a miracle. there is a god.......I know it.
Hope this helps.
 
I've been told and accept that.

Anger is not bad. You have a right to be angry sometimes.

Misdirected or uncontrolled anger is bad.

Relaxation tape while having a hot bath in a darkened bathroom is what I fInd best for calming down.

Jesta
 
Hey Dave,

Let's get an old, black Mercedes sedan, mount a machine gun on each of the front fenders and go on a rampage. You and me buddy...we'll get 'em all, by God.
 
Hey Pat,

Do you do hits?...lol.

I have a few people that need gunning down, but I don't fit the gangster mould.


Being serious though, I could use some strategies. I don't know how to deal with my anger either..I tend to turn it inwards and end up hurting myself in one crazy way or another. That, or I bury it and get bitten later.
 
Justifiable anger is the hardest one for me to get over. One of the things that helps me reign it in is to remind myself that I am the one who is suffering behind this anger and that that person isn't worth the energy or the pain that I am dedicating to them. They are not even worried about it cause they're too damned selfish and self centered to care what they put me through. You can have him investigated then sue him for your losses. But you don't need to hang on to that anger to do that. Taking action against him will help you to feel more in control of the situation too. Do not let him control you or your money.

Anyway he's just not worth the torment of rage. Take care of yourself first and do something about it. You are not a doormat. You are strong and you can do this!

Best wishes, Morgan
 
That's excellent TLight, and know you are in such a better place now, that is awsome.

Thanks Jesta, I'm working on seeing that, that I had every right to be angry with this guy. I just need better control. Thanks.

Patrick, I'm not sure you're laughing with me or laughing at me, but it made me smile just the same. Let's do it!!

And Luth, you got it. I've got so much anger that I've just "swallowed up" that when I do get mad, there's a pool of high octane waiting to be ignited. In the meantime, I take it out on myself. I need therapy. Oh wait, I am in therapy (yikes!!) ;P
 
Morgan, thanks, you are so right on this. He's not worth it. And I am the one suffering his ills. I believe I've got him straightened around, I am going to phone on Monday and see if my money is on it's way to me. If not, I'm calling the financial commision and charging him with obstruction of directive (or whatever the hell they call it). Thanks.
 
Always with you, Dave. Never at you. It'll probably shock you to hear it, but I've been known to have a little anger problem myself from time to time. It'll probably be back for a little visit when I stop feeling quite as beat down as I have been lately.
 
That does surprise me a bit, to telll you the truth, Pat. You come across as the calm voice of reason, but I guess that is true whether you get angry sometimes or not. Thanks, gives me some perspective on myself.

Let 'er fly.
 
I think when there is righteous anger... When someone has done you wrong and won't hold themselves accountable for it, it's hard getting past the anger into a state of motivation to follow through and DO something about what is causing the anger.
Anger managed in this manner can be turned into positive energy.

I feel anger any time someone is trying to control something of mine or something that has a direct effect on me without my permission or agreement. I want control of my own life, my own money, my own 'whatever'. When anyone interferes with that, I feel anger. Skip the diplomacy, or proper interpersonal skills and watch me fly right to the point of the sword...

As long as my anger can be turned toward taking positive action to resolution that I can be satisfied with and is fair... I can let go of it. Otherwise, I stew. I feel stuck. Back in that state of helplessness. And then, THAT makes me angry. And then I get sucked into a downward spiral again and the origin of my anger is lost somewhere along the way.

It took me 2 years to finally get my retirement fund. And I had to hire a money managment firm to get it, and even they got the runaround before it was finally released! Meanwhile, I eeked out a living on a grand total of $4000 income for the entire year and supported myself, my son and all my other responsibilities! Humor. All I could think was.. "they can't eat me"

I've got to say that I also agree with the machine gun idea... on the dash of my old jeep are toggle switches that my kids have always known, this one is the grenade launcher, this one is the machine gun, this is for the missiles and this one over here? the broken one? That's my give a shit switch...
 
I can very well relate to all that Jps. It is a control issue for me, as well. When someone else is holding the keys, and jerking me around/standing in my way, I get furious. It took me 3 lawyers and almost 7 years to get out of insurance what they owed me, from an accident that wasn't even my fault. I could honestly kill at times, that's the way it feels. But here we both are, still here.

That is hilarious about your Jeep. What would it cost me to equip my car with a rocket launcher, I wonder? ;)
 
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