Anger rears its ugly head for me again. I have been given some pointers on managing anger, and I do apply them, but there is only so far they seem to carry me. I did a search and found posts on anger, but not management. I hope I haven't missed something.
Recent example: I've been calling my (ex) finance guy for weeks, telling him I'm taking my money out of the market and going into something guraenteed for now. Instead of simply complying with my directive, he has made himself unavailable, avoided my phone calls, pretended that he didn't understand my request requiring me to re-state it again and again and again, with increasing force, until I'm reduced to making investigation threats against him.
Now I understand, that makes me angry. But where it goes snaky on me is that it dredges up soooooo much old anger, being psychologically tortured for years by insurance, and other past issues. Suddenly it hits the point that if I don't know you really well (and maybe even if I do) you're against me, out to screw me, trying to manipulate me, and it turns into rage.
Now, I can give myself credit for handling this last 3 weeks with a-hole about as well as I could, and I don't feel guilty about putting him in his place, but it always spills over onto someone else, and that makes me feel like an absolute piece of shit. Not that I could ever be violent, that's not me, but being harshly judgemental and reactive. Who knows how that might affect someone else on any given day??
So my question is, What strategies do you use to manage your anger? I try walking, meditation (if anger is mild to moderate) screaming, calling someone and venting (though sometimes this makes it worse) and if it's very strong, punching the shit out of an inanimate object like the couch. What is "anger management" proper, what are it's tennets, where do I start?
thanks in advance for anything on the topic,
Dave
Recent example: I've been calling my (ex) finance guy for weeks, telling him I'm taking my money out of the market and going into something guraenteed for now. Instead of simply complying with my directive, he has made himself unavailable, avoided my phone calls, pretended that he didn't understand my request requiring me to re-state it again and again and again, with increasing force, until I'm reduced to making investigation threats against him.
Now I understand, that makes me angry. But where it goes snaky on me is that it dredges up soooooo much old anger, being psychologically tortured for years by insurance, and other past issues. Suddenly it hits the point that if I don't know you really well (and maybe even if I do) you're against me, out to screw me, trying to manipulate me, and it turns into rage.
Now, I can give myself credit for handling this last 3 weeks with a-hole about as well as I could, and I don't feel guilty about putting him in his place, but it always spills over onto someone else, and that makes me feel like an absolute piece of shit. Not that I could ever be violent, that's not me, but being harshly judgemental and reactive. Who knows how that might affect someone else on any given day??
So my question is, What strategies do you use to manage your anger? I try walking, meditation (if anger is mild to moderate) screaming, calling someone and venting (though sometimes this makes it worse) and if it's very strong, punching the shit out of an inanimate object like the couch. What is "anger management" proper, what are it's tennets, where do I start?
thanks in advance for anything on the topic,
Dave