Angry all the time

LJ27

New Here
I am angry all the time. I don't know how to stop being angry for being abused.
As an adult I feel like can understand how child abuse/neglect can happen, but I can't get past the sexual abuse.
For me I can understand that some people cannot take care of a child and I have almost made peace with this.. but I cannot move on after CSA. I dont see how I can ever be okay after it or let it go or make peace with it. (for reference my dad is an addict/domestic abuser and my mum neglected us due to being a DV victim and I was SA by my brother)
I have been to therapy for years and have cut off contact with my family and my therapist told me its okay to be angry but now Im angry all the time.
I feel like I am becoming my abuser in the sense that I Can't control my anger. I hate who I have become.
How do I stop being angry? I dont want to be this bitter person anymore. I hate myself as I am so jealous of people who have families.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
hello lj. welcome to the forum

How do I stop being angry? I dont want to be this bitter person anymore. I hate myself as I am so jealous of people who have families.

i let it be okay that i remain royally pissed at many of my childhood traumas and even more pissed that these horrors are still happening, as i type.

but that bitterness sucks, both literally and metaphorically. it is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. while my anger is valid, so is my craving for love and peace. i seek balance. i channel the anger into benign and/or beneficial activities while plying lots of extra gentle self-care to the wounds of that anger.

but that is me and every case is unique

steadying support while you find what works for you.
 

caroline_13

MyPTSD Pro
I am angry all the time. I don't know how to stop being angry for being abused.
As an adult I feel like can understand how child abuse/neglect can happen, but I can't get past the sexual abuse.
For me I can understand that some people cannot take care of a child and I have almost made peace with this.. but I cannot move on after CSA. I dont see how I can ever be okay after it or let it go or make peace with it. (for reference my dad is an addict/domestic abuser and my mum neglected us due to being a DV victim and I was SA by my brother)
I have been to therapy for years and have cut off contact with my family and my therapist told me its okay to be angry but now Im angry all the time.
I feel like I am becoming my abuser in the sense that I Can't control my anger. I hate who I have become.
How do I stop being angry? I dont want to be this bitter person anymore. I hate myself as I am so jealous of people who have families.
I feel you. Forever, I have struggled with MAJOR JEALOUSY of people who have good families/partners. Still do.

I also have experienced massive anger and have even watched in horror as I reproduced some of the patterns of my rageaholic mother.

I have stopped drinking alcohol completely (although I miss it sometimes!) as it seems to fuel my anger and other negative emotions. Really, the thing that made me stop drinking for good was realizing that I was not connected with my higher source, or energy. All the reasons NOT to drink only had me stopping for a little while.

Also, I am cutting my coffee intake as it makes me anxious to have too much.

There is no fast solution to this, but I echo what others here have said in response:

1. Self care, therapy, any way you can be kind to yourself. When I have felt powerless and lost, I start really simple by just eating healthy and fresh foods.

2. You are okay, you are going to get through this. You are not your father; you are not your brother.

3. Meditation, not fighting the thoughts. Let them come, welcome them in as you breathe.
 

LJ27

New Here
Sorry for what happened to you.

My T says that anger has energy and productivity in it. And that it is a secondary emotion. Essentially saying that underneath the anger is pain that has less productivity and more vulnerability, that's painful to get connected with.
Staying angry then serves a purpose to avoid raw pain?
yes I explained this to my T that the anger is protecting me from my sadness. I dont think I can really function with my pain unless its disguised as anger
 

enough

MyPTSD Pro
I think of it like it is weather. No one can do a thing about it (for the sake of this idea, forget that abuse was an act by another person) it happened, is happening, and will happen. It always has and always will. Sometimes we like it, sometimes we don't, and sometimes it is horribly deadly. Our only choices are to enjoy it when it is good, be miserable when it is bad, or develop the wherewithal to survive it no matter what is happening. I like my rain gear, and my coldweather gear waits in the hallway. Almost fun to go out and enjoy the cold when you got your shit together for it.

the last option, the one that is too easy to fall into and oh so many of us do and have and will, is to curse the gods when we get wet. To sit and stare at our reflections in a mud puddle and feel bad and get wet.

Maybe the metaphore fails, but I still try to picture myself as sitting in the rain getting wet when I find myself getting angry over something that either happened in the past or is out of my control. It makes me want to get over it, get up, and go inside, or it makes me want to go out and find some really good rain gear. I think thats what anger drives, it gives us the energy to get that rain gear even when the sun has come back.

Standing in the rain cursing the gods for being wet has always been a past time in our society, Seems like more people do it now than ever before. Lots of people wasting lots of energy trying to change the weather, when in reality the weather changes on its own and always has. Beware the charlatans that stand tall and shout "see? See what I have done?" when the sun comes back.
 
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