I can 'handle' a great deal of trauma triggers of which I encounter several in any given week.
But anything even remotely dealing with animal neglect or outright abuse causes a deep and instant change in my sanity.
My body collapses. It feels like my inner core, my soul collapses. This morning when my beloved cat ran in a certain way, a horrific You tube video (that I tried to get banned) came instantly to my eyes.
My own cat was joyful in her running. The You tube cat most certainly was not.
The sobbing began instantly. I was wailing like the most important thing in my life had just been taken from me.
Within seconds, I recognized my precarious position and did my best to counteract it. I wandered the room as I sobbed, talking about everything that was present. The yellow curtain. The apple on the table. The smell of the cinnamon. The fact that, in spite of the horrors in my mind, I was safe, and home, and my animals were ok.
Yet, it took me a long time to stop sobbing. And I know this will happen again with other remembered horrors (it did just last week as I was knocking clumps of dirt from my garden shovel.)
I am finally back in therapy having been on a wait list for 9 months, and my therapist knows this is a big issue with me. I will talk to her tomorrow about this incident.
But it would certainly be good to hear from others who go through this.
I beg of you NOT to include any stories or specifics that would be triggering. Thank you.
But anything even remotely dealing with animal neglect or outright abuse causes a deep and instant change in my sanity.
My body collapses. It feels like my inner core, my soul collapses. This morning when my beloved cat ran in a certain way, a horrific You tube video (that I tried to get banned) came instantly to my eyes.
My own cat was joyful in her running. The You tube cat most certainly was not.
The sobbing began instantly. I was wailing like the most important thing in my life had just been taken from me.
Within seconds, I recognized my precarious position and did my best to counteract it. I wandered the room as I sobbed, talking about everything that was present. The yellow curtain. The apple on the table. The smell of the cinnamon. The fact that, in spite of the horrors in my mind, I was safe, and home, and my animals were ok.
Yet, it took me a long time to stop sobbing. And I know this will happen again with other remembered horrors (it did just last week as I was knocking clumps of dirt from my garden shovel.)
I am finally back in therapy having been on a wait list for 9 months, and my therapist knows this is a big issue with me. I will talk to her tomorrow about this incident.
But it would certainly be good to hear from others who go through this.
I beg of you NOT to include any stories or specifics that would be triggering. Thank you.
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