Sufferer Another job I couldn't do (PTSD don't know anymore)

Rejected265

New Here
Hi. I was diagnosed with PTSD in the military but was diagnosed that it started in my childhood and not by the military. A childhood that I barely remember. Two weeks ago, I was really excited about getting hired after 3 years and a half of getting rejected on every job application. I save all the job rejections in my email. Today I left my job at 10:07 am; I ran literally to my car and left, didn't tell anyone. I am not sure what really happened though. Now I keep reviewing the only 2 weeks and a couple of days I worked and the phrases and things that I know upset me and made me sad but now I don't think it was as bad as my body and brain seemed to have perceived everything at that moment. We were setting up a store that is going to open on Wednesday and there was just a lot of chaos, and it seemed like many people just doing unsafe things, with no organization, and no leaders. Like someone dropped a whole glass case of oil bottles on the floor and people were jumping over it carrying boxes around. I asked if I was the only woman in the department or if there was another woman that was getting trained, and I was told that if I was going to continue to complain that I should go home and that I can't be going in life complaining, it just a job, come to work, do what you are told and then go home to your family, to have fun in my job. I called HR and the lady said that she couldn't do anything about that and if I was going to quit my job that I need it to go back and let them know. Now I am not sure anymore if this is PTSD or if I am just not mentally fit to even work because it seemed odd that something so simple triggered me to run. I now feel there is no hope for me. There is no job out there for me. I went to school for nothing, I tried so hard to get all these skills for nothing, my military experience is always devalued so I also went to the military for nothing. I am no one, and no one is my society.
 

Elsewhere

Learning
Welcome, @Rejected265

PTSD can definitely make working life more challenging. I struggled a lot when I was still in the workforce and can sympathize with your plight—sometimes I felt like I was going out of my mind and had to run away

I’m not sure what country you‘re in, but perhaps you could look into whether you may be entitled to reasonable accommodations to minimize the degree to which your working conditions make it harder to function in light of your PTSD. You might find that there‘s a way to make things work for you, and that you can carry on with your career plans despite the rocky start in this new job
 

LuckiLee

MyPTSD Pro
PCSI.org. a non-profit that hires people with all kinds of disabilities. See if they have an office near you. They are an awesome organization and hooked my guy up with an incredible position.

Good luck!!
 

Friday

Moderator
I’ve spent years where I was unable to work at all, during some stretches, and only able to work... a very specific type*... of gig work during others. I could do extremely well in those types of jobs, even be respected/valued/sought out; but not last till lunch in a “normal” job. Assuming I was even able to get a normal type job, which is often iffy at-best. There’ve also been times where I was able to work, but not to apply.

* I found over time that the type of job I can work, virtually no matter what my headspace, is the 24/7 when you’re there you’re working, when you’re not? You’re not. You eat, sleep, live “at work”, none of this go to work, come home, go to work business. It requires waaaaay too much shifting of mental gears for me to do that when I’m running hot. I found -in time- that the level of violence didn’t really matter, although it probably helped in the beginning, because the more violence? The less symptomatic I am. So I started out doing crazy ass mercenary gigs, and gradually shifted to suicidal NGO work (oh SURE, we’ll hike these crates of meds through cartel country to your clinics, across a thousand miles of mountains, because SAMs don’t let them be flown in, and there are no effing roads. What could possibly go wrong??? Cough), which transitioned into Disaster Response. ((If you’re interested, at all, in Disaster Response / Disaster Relief without the stress of working for pay? TeamRubicon “For Vets & Kickass Civilians” is a great volunteer entry in.))

For several years when I was running symptom-hot I just did a round-robin of work/party/beach. I’d work whatever gig for however many weeks/months, party until I got bored, and then go sleep on the beach/surf until I needed somehing to do. Go work. Party. Beach. Eventually my head stopped being so f*cked-sideways, and I started rebuilding my life. Ending up with having a baby, being in university, owning a house, being married, etc. Very white picket fence normal. And then I lost all that when things kicked off, again 10 years later. Oopsies. (At which point I discovered the whole trauma therapy / ptsd/ this is actually kind of normal, and here’s how we fix it.)

During that “eventually I rebuilt my life” gloss over? I cannot even BEGIN to count the number of jobs I walked off of mid shift, apartments I walked away from leaving everything behind, or relationships I left in my wake. I just walked away. Over & over & over.

It’s PTSD. It’s actually pretty damn normal. And -it takes time, but?- there are ways to fix that.

Welcome to the community!
 
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