Another Treatment Plan

[Cannottakethis]

Starting my outpatient PHP tomorrow. Dbt track.
I'm doing it in the same place I went before I went Inpatient last year.
First person I saw was my therapist who said
Hi Shell
Oh no, what happened?

And I felt like such a failure that I had to go back. Plus I've done the dbt another location 4 times already.
But I can't do it.
I know all of the concepts. I just can't it them into practice. So I'm trying again. Apparently what I've been lacking is a deep therapeutic relationship with a therapist. I haven't had a good one in 20 years. And that makes me feel like a failure that I would go to these shitty therapists and talk and get nowhere and be overmedicated and coming to tiny conclusions and never getting anywhere or getting any better...and just accept it....like that was my life... I'm still not even sure how to know that someone is the right therapist.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Starting my outpatient PHP tomorrow. Dbt track.
I'm doing it in the same place I went before I went Inp...

Oh, @Shells, this is no failure on your part! You really can only do what you can do. I know that sounds trite, but it's true. I haven't managed to make dbt work for me, either, and I swear, I'm working hard!

Please, please, be gentle on yourself. Maybe a year from now, it'll be a breeze. Maybe a year ago it would have if you'd had that strong relationship with your therapist. But I would be willing to bet that you're trying your best. ((hug))

Oops, I forgot to add that for me, a good therapist feels like a partner in that you should be working toward the same goal. Also, for me, at least s/he can't be judgemental (and won't be offended if called out on it) and will take your lead whenever possible.

 

[ladee]

You are not a failure. Failure is stopping.
You are a warrior..you keep fighting. You keep fighting and finding out things that you can take a different direction in.
But Nope! Not a failure!
Gentle hugs if you accept.

 

[Cannottakethis]

Thank you both. I started Thursday and the group is great. Every therapist greeted me by name, which made me feel pretty good. I must have made a decent impression on them.
My therapist is an intern. I'm trying to keep positive but he's probably not even 30 yet, to his credit, getting his Masters in Psychology, and is way better in leading groups than he was 6 months ago, but when he did my intake and said he'd come up with a treatment plan for me...I have some trouble seeing him as someone who can understand me, let alone help me. He's under the oversight of the head of the program. I'll be great experience for him for sure, and maybe a fresh young mind will be a good change from all of the other people I've experienced. It's only temporary.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Do you think you'd be comfortable talking to him about the two of you TOGETHER coming up with a treatment plan? He needs to remember that he is working for you. And with you.

@ladee is so right. You are a warrior. But even the mightiest warrior stumbles and occasionally falls. The courage lies in getting back up.