Another unfit therapist

Calmdown

Bronze Member
I have been struggling for years to find a therapist.
Today, I had another therapy appointment. At first, there were some positive aspects: she encouraged me to talk as much as I could and wanted to, acknowledged my inner tension, and took everything I shared seriously. She even brought up the topic of C-PTSD (I don’t have a formal diagnosis).

However, things quickly took a strange turn. She started talking in detail about traumatic events from two different patients, things that could have easily triggered me. She mentioned multiple times that she had no issues with confrontation and that she just did a confrontation before my session. Maybe she needed to prove something to herself, I don’t know, but it felt almost aggressive, and definitely lacked empathy.
She then told me that patients must be able to verbalize their trauma during therapy, otherwise, it’s impossible to work with them.

At one point, I brought up “attachment/holding therapy” (Prekop) as a minor example of a bad experience from my childhood. She kept asking repeatedly what it involved, and I ended up raising my voice, almost shouting because she just wouldn’t stop. She didn’t seem to notice how her questions were triggering me. This was the first time I’ve ever gotten that loud during a therapy session. It made me realize two things:
1. She lacks the necessary empathy.
2. “Attachment/holding therapy” isn’t a minor issue for me after all.

In the end, she suggested I go to a trauma clinic. I had to ask her multiple times whether she would take me on as a patient. After asking six or seven times, she finally said no but added that I could contact her again after going to a clinic. I asked why we couldn’t focus on “stabilization,” especially since most clinics won’t accept me without an established therapist. She responded that trauma therapy is mostly about confrontation and processing, showing no interest in stabilization at all. From what I’ve read, stabilization is supposed to be the most important part, and confrontation should never be forced.

I noticed how strange she was, somehow giggly and the way she said goodbye felt bizarre and completely inappropriate given the situation.

At least I walked away with a suspected diagnosis: F62.0 - Enduring personality change after catastrophic experience. I guess it’s an over-exaggeration, but at least I can show it to the next therapist and my psychiatrist.

It is frightening that there are supposed “trauma therapists” that see this form of therapy only as confronting in the hardest way and getting done with it. This is so wrong for several reasons. These are butchers and not therapists.

Some therapists take my problems too serious and others not serious at all. If I get taken serious they don't offer me therapy. If I don't get taken serious they talk about depression and anxiety which is not helpful at all for me.
I just see no clear way to move forward. The clinic I found requires a trauma diagnosis, which I don’t have, and I also can’t find a place for psychotherapy. This situation just is impossible and all therapists seem to be crazy or overwhelmed with their work.
 
Jeez! Confrontation?!! What does she mean?
Tackling trauma head on is not being trauma informed.
Argh. I'm sorry you had that experience. But I am super glad she said no to working with you. She could cause more harm.
I'm sorry that leaves you with no where.
Did she say she would make a recommendation?

I don't know where in the world you are in. But is it possible to source your own therapy?
Does doing therapy online open up more possibilities?
 
When I was in high school I had a teacher (AP, independently wealthy after being a trial lawyer, who left law in his 30s to teach kids part time, only 1-2 periods per day, 1 quarter per year)… who drilled into us that “98% of people are stupid. PLEASE be part of the 2%.”

Quite frankly, I thought he was an idiot, himself, at the time. As most of the people I knew? Were fawking brilliant, and the remainder had expertise on things, and in areas, I knew nothing about.

As I’ve gotten older? Daaaaaayum… has he been proven right.

MOST people? ARE stupid.

Not as an invective, or perjorative, or insult. They just know diddly squat. And implement what they do “know” even worse.

So I am grateful as hell for anyone not-stupid, and put anyone brilliant right into my damn pocket to carry around with me, as far as I’m able.

If a stupid person gives you something you need/want? You got what you needed/wanted from them. Don’t gut yourself over the rest. Question it, sure (considering the source), but don’t overthink it.

You got what you wanted from them, the DX. Whether that’s right, or not? Unlikely. But also theoretically possible.

F62.0 - Enduring personality change after catastrophic experience.
By the by? That’s not PTSD nor CPTSD. That’s “delayed milestones in childhood”.

EPACE “died” in the dsm over 10 years ago. As it was “better explained”. And recategorized, in the DSM5. So if this eedjit dx’d you EPACE- F60? They’re not in ANY way up to date or current in their so called specialty. Which is ALSO why ongoing education is required to maintain one’s license. Unless??? They’re grandfather’ed in, before education/supervision/etc. was required FOR a license. Nearly 40 states in the US require no licensure (38, at last count). Simply a $30 fee paid to the state. And everyone shilling themselves before that law, that requires a supervising body like the APA, or medical board? Is “grandfather’d in” because ex post facto. Modernly that ALSO applies to anyone with a “spiritual” exempt. As in they’re a priest. Even if it takes 2 minutes to be ordained. Et Voila.

Seek better counsel. Seeeeeriously. Whether you have PTSD, or not. You’ve been scraping the barrel with your past “therapists”.
 
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Jeez! Confrontation?!! What does she mean?
Tackling trauma head on is not being trauma informed.
Argh. I'm sorry you had that experience. But I am super glad she said no to working with you. She could cause more harm.
I'm sorry that leaves you with no where.
Did she say she would make a recommendation?

I don't know where in the world you are in. But is it possible to source your own therapy?
Does doing therapy online open up more possibilities?

Yes, I even thought about how dangerous she could be for me and still I asked her if she would take me as a client. I am really desperate but after the session was over I was relieved that it didn't work out with her.
I live in Germany, so I don't have to pay for therapy, which is good because I would not be able to afford it anyways, but since corona therapists insurance pays for have long waiting lists, usually a year and more.
Online therapy doesn't work for me.
The only recommendation she made was a trauma clinic and she mentioned DBT-PTSD therapy.

@Friday Absolutely and this matches my experience the last 10-15 years, very few people are competent in their field and most don't even care. If I had a clear way forward I probably would not have made that post but soon I am out of options and I needed to vent about this impossible situation. Therapists tell me to do trauma therapy in a clinic but I don't have the necessary diagnosis and the therapist I talked to don't take me as a client because they believe I am not able to manage it that way. So then I talk to the next therapist who might not take me serious because I appear to be too well and then the next thinks I need psychiatric care because I am in such a distresst state. No one is helping me so I can't get a diagnosis. Next step is to ask my psychiatrist for a possible diagnosis but they usually don't want to hear anything about trauma.
I would not even care about the diagnosis if I didn't need it for the right treatment.

By the by? That’s not PTSD nor CPTSD. That’s “delayed milestones in childhood”.

EPACE “died” in the dsm over 10 years ago. As it was “better explained”. And recategorized, in the DSM5. So if this eedjit dx’d you EPACE- F60? They’re not in ANY way up to date or current in their so called specialty. Which is ALSO why ongoing education is required to maintain one’s license. Unless??? They’re grandfather’ed in, before education/supervision/etc. was required FOR a license. Nearly 40 states in the US require no licensure (38, at last count). Simply a $30 fee paid to the state. And everyone shilling themselves before that law, that requires a supervising body like the APA, or medical board? Is “grandfather’d in” because ex post facto. Modernly that ALSO applies to anyone with a “spiritual” exempt. As in they’re a priest. Even if it takes 2 minutes to be ordained. Et Voila.

Seek better counsel. Seeeeeriously. Whether you have PTSD, or not. You’ve been scraping the barrel with your past “therapists”.

Yes, I want to get taken serious but this suspected/preliminary diagnosis doesn't even help with that I guess. Quite the opposite I think I would be ashamed to show it. She talked much about C-PTSD and it was clear that most information she had was up to date, she also talked about DBT-PTSD therapy but the form she had to fill out only mentions ICD-10 and C-PTSD is not included, only in ICD-11. So I guess she made a mistake there while wanting to write down a diagnosis that comes closest to C-PTSD, because F62.0 is too extreme (ChatGPT translation):

Enduring Personality Change After Catastrophic Experience

Information:


An enduring personality change lasting at least two years can follow exposure to a catastrophic stressor. The stressor must be so extreme that the vulnerability of the individual cannot be considered a plausible explanation for the profound impact on their personality. The disorder is characterized by a hostile or distrustful attitude toward the world, social withdrawal, feelings of emptiness or hopelessness, a chronic sense of tension as if under constant threat, and a sense of alienation. A post-traumatic stress disorder (F43.1) may precede this form of personality change.

Includes:

  • Personality changes following prolonged exposure to life-threatening situations, such as being a victim of terrorism.
  • Personality changes following prolonged captivity with immediate threat to life.
  • Personality changes following torture.
  • Personality changes following disasters.
  • Personality changes following experiences in concentration camps.
 
Next step is to ask my psychiatrist for a possible diagnosis but they usually don't want to hear anything about trauma.
Explain to your psychiatrist that you need the diagnosis for your referral. Better yet, ask them to do the referral to a trauma clinic for you.

They almost certainly have a working diagnosis they’re operating from. Not having brought it up with you isn’t unusual for a psychiatrist, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have one, or wouldn’t be prepared to give you one if it assisted your treatment.
 
I have been struggling for years to find a therapist.
Today, I had another therapy appointment. At first, there were some positive aspects: she encouraged me to talk as much as I could and wanted to, acknowledged my inner tension, and took everything I shared seriously. She even brought up the topic of C-PTSD (I don’t have a formal diagnosis).

However, things quickly took a strange turn. She started talking in detail about traumatic events from two different patients, things that could have easily triggered me. She mentioned multiple times that she had no issues with confrontation and that she just did a confrontation before my session. Maybe she needed to prove something to herself, I don’t know, but it felt almost aggressive, and definitely lacked empathy.
She then told me that patients must be able to verbalize their trauma during therapy, otherwise, it’s impossible to work with them.

At one point, I brought up “attachment/holding therapy” (Prekop) as a minor example of a bad experience from my childhood. She kept asking repeatedly what it involved, and I ended up raising my voice, almost shouting because she just wouldn’t stop. She didn’t seem to notice how her questions were triggering me. This was the first time I’ve ever gotten that loud during a therapy session. It made me realize two things:
1. She lacks the necessary empathy.
2. “Attachment/holding therapy” isn’t a minor issue for me after all.

In the end, she suggested I go to a trauma clinic. I had to ask her multiple times whether she would take me on as a patient. After asking six or seven times, she finally said no but added that I could contact her again after going to a clinic. I asked why we couldn’t focus on “stabilization,” especially since most clinics won’t accept me without an established therapist. She responded that trauma therapy is mostly about confrontation and processing, showing no interest in stabilization at all. From what I’ve read, stabilization is supposed to be the most important part, and confrontation should never be forced.

I noticed how strange she was, somehow giggly and the way she said goodbye felt bizarre and completely inappropriate given the situation.

At least I walked away with a suspected diagnosis: F62.0 - Enduring personality change after catastrophic experience. I guess it’s an over-exaggeration, but at least I can show it to the next therapist and my psychiatrist.

It is frightening that there are supposed “trauma therapists” that see this form of therapy only as confronting in the hardest way and getting done with it. This is so wrong for several reasons. These are butchers and not therapists.

Some therapists take my problems too serious and others not serious at all. If I get taken serious they don't offer me therapy. If I don't get taken serious they talk about depression and anxiety which is not helpful at all for me.
I just see no clear way to move forward. The clinic I found requires a trauma diagnosis, which I don’t have, and I also can’t find a place for psychotherapy. This situation just is impossible and all therapists seem to be crazy or overwhelmed with their work.
I've been to see about 15 therapists in my lifetime since age 20. Maybe more. In the past 14 years since I had a life changing catastrophic experience that totally changed me (so I guess that diagnosis is better than the CPTSD one I have), I've seen 6. Of those 6, the present one is the professional. What the others were: fakes with some sort of certificate. Of the entire 15 in my lifetime, one was an actual professional.

The one you speak of is a really bad therapist. She persisted in bragging about her "abilities", sharing information about other patients (which, even without their names, could void her license) as if it's some sort of accomplishment. It's not. It's her JOB. Her JOB is to be a therapist. Confrontational therapy is AWFUL and not for everyone, especially someone as sensitive as you are (as I am, also), something I can sense from your reaction. You need TLC. What are "clinics"? Places they send you when they're afraid to take you as a patient. My 23 yo daughter was sent to the county mental health clinic because no psychiatrist here would take her as a patient, she was too high risk, she was very ill.

Examine credentials online. Do NOT use one of those online services, they're all kids just out of school, literally. The one I "saw" virtually for a few weeks was totally unprepared for me, she had no idea what she was doing. Look at REVIEWS if possible. While it's true the unhappiest people are the ones usually leaving reviews, you also see good reviews. The good ones are booked, no room for new patients, you'll have to wait on a list. The first few sessions determine whether or not YOU want to remain in the relationship, NOT the therapist. If you're uncomfortable, SPEAK UP. If that doesn't work, WALK OUT. Don't take further abuse from some idiot whose ego is way overblown. It's better to have no therapist than a bad one. The one I presently see is extremely good but it's not going to cure me, this damage is for life, what I experienced is so traumatic and the loss so huge nothing can fix it. The reasons I still talk to her once a week are 1. my insurance actually pays for it, and 2. I have literally no one so there's no one else to talk to.

Don't settle, it can harm you. If you need to do this alone, without a "professional", you're better off than with the wrong on
 
Absolutely and this matches my experience the last 10-15 years, very few people are competent in their field and most don't even care.
Start with time in grade.

As, YES, some people will barely skate through 4 years undergrad, 2-3 years mastering, then be dead last in their graduating class of doctorates, and have a STUPID -or nepotism, or whatever- internship/supervising of 1500-6,000 hours for their licensure… but… that’s going to be the minority. Of people who spend 8-12 YEARS in study for their PsyD, LCSW. or Psychiatry licensure. There just will be “how the hell did you graduate?!?” people. After 8-12 years. As well as abhorrent personalities, etc. BUT?!? As opposed to walking into the courthouse & paying $30 for the “license”? The odds are tremendously in your favor… to NOT be dealing with McIdiot.

So if your BASE level for a therapist is Masters & Above, with at least 2-3 trauma trainings/certifications (like EMDR)? You’re Mooooooostly going to be looking at personality fits, rather than the teeming tides of charlatans. Because devoting a DECADE of your life? Means. More. Than. $30. It just does. You’ll find EEDJITS who have their doctorate. But it separates a helluva lotta wheat from chaff. So START there. Baseline req = ABC. THEN additional requirements (school of thought, personality, etc.) to follow.
 

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