Antidepressant phobia

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I have a phobia of taking an antidepressant. It happened after I tried Lexapro. I was so sick, suicidal and hallucinated for a week. It was the worst experience of my life.

Since then, if I even think about trying another one it causes major anxiety and I just can't get myself to try again. I know I need one, but I honestly don't know how to overcome the fear and do it.

Any suggestions? My T. has suggested that I go to a compounding pharmacy and have it mixed into a flavored gel or something...but I really don't think that would make a difference, I would still know it's an antidepressant....
My biggest fear is that no matter what I try, I will have the same side affects as I did with the Lexapro. Anyone have any suggestions to calm my fear?
Maybe try something at such a small dose it seems 'harmless' in your eyes? I won't suggest one- the one I took I read made another member here nauseous, I read-all it did to me for side effects was sleepy the first day. I was just thinking that a teeny dose might even be somewhat effective, too- enough to work without throwing your system into hell. My primary doc and others told me there's no way SUCH a small dose could do anything, but they're wrong-it just plain does. My T backs that up, at least, that it could work.

It's just a thought. Wording things a certain way works for me with things, that's all. In my head 'small' equals 'harmless'.
Small = harmless does sound do-able. As long as it's a pill and not a capsule, I could start off with a small amount.

Why is it when they prescribe meds, they expect a person to take the max. to start off and then go lower if there's problems instead of starting low and working up? And why is it they don't believe a small amount would be beneficial? I probably would have been ok with the Lexapro if I hadn't been told to up the dose....I did fine with half that.
I hate that! The docs have The Book, look up the recommended dose, like what works for an antbiotic-which kills a bacteria so it NEEDS a certain amount, and goes from there. Mine said 'Take a couple of these'- Holy Crap- I was a zombie from the bottom of HELLLL. I did check with my T- I KNOW it's not cool to sort of play around with this stuff, but on the other hand, how does it hurt to not have possibly enough, rather than too dam much? It did turn out a stupidly small amount was enough- for my chemistry personally- to do it. My son has a pretty bad anxiety disorder and IS the same way with the same med. I'm not a doc- maybe people's chemistrys are as different as everythig else about us? He and I are related- makes sense.

I don't know- like you said, you would have been fine with half the dose, and they told you to up it. Seems wierd, we sometimes get disallowed knowing what works well- especially when it's the low end of things- it's not like we're attempting to over-medicate.
I have tried several antidepressants. There was one that made me really ill. Some of the others gave me 'uncomfortable' side effects such as nausea or sweating. And others just didn't do anything for me at all. We all know that what's ok for one, will not be okay for someone else.

I don't understand why any doctor would prescribe a high dose right off. (excpet for the money they get from the drug companies:eek:). I have always been started on the lowest dose. So insist on the lowest dose. If it's a tablet, then yes - cut it in half. If it's a capsule, and I had your concerns, I personally would start by taking it once every 2 or 3 days, then if all goes well gradually increase to one every day. Clearly the lowest dose is the lowest dose you can expect to gain any therapuetic benefit, so you need to get to that dose, but I see no harm in starting even lower by splitting the tablet, or taking less frequently and then building up to that minimum dose. Also don't let the doctors increase your dose too quickly. They all tell us, how anti-depressants take 2-3 weeks to take effect. So once you are on the lowest dose daily, stay on it for at least 3 weeks. Only then, if you feel it necessary, should you and your doctor consider increasing your dose. And again, take any increase very gradually, over weeks rather than days.

At least that's what I think I would do, in your shoes. Good luck, and keep us posted.
Oh just to add - I would only do this very low dose approach with antideps, anti-anxiety tablets or sleeping tablets. I would not suggest lowering your own dose of say antibiotics, heart medication, or diabetic medication, or other such drugs which could have serious physical consequenses.

I have always run into the opposite. My P starts at the lowest dose and then goes up if necessary. Also, by starting low, if there are side effects, there is not a much of the drug in your system as you wean off.

Just a thought.


PS- I just found an anti-d that really works for me after 5 years. It is not an SSRI and I cannot take those. Always made me suicidal. Sometimes having them check into some of the older meds is not a bad idea. Just because it isn't the drug reps anti-d of the month, doesn't mean it isn't effective.
maybe people's chemistrys are as different as everythig else about us?.

I think that's probably true. But that's not taken into consideration. It's a one-size fits all kind of thing when they prescribe. Then instead of lowering the dose when there's problems, they always want to increase or prescribe something else to take care of the side affects.
Maybe if there's a way you can start off low (as above) and use that to feel like you have control over taking the medication, it would make it possible. Try to start with the attitude that it's up to you to decide what and when to put into your body and you'll take the time you need to feel confident about it.
I got a little bit of the "eyebrow raise" over the very small dose of Xanax that works for me, I've taken it enough times now to know it's the real effect even on such a low dose. Larger doses work too, but give me a hang over feeling the next day.
I think you're right - start where you can, it's better than taking nothing. Oh, wouldn't it just be heaven to find that right thing that does it for you:)?
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