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Anxiety, Loneliness, and Emotional Exhaustion

maybeiamabear

Confident
it takes so much, so much effort to reach out to people. To just call friends and have a conversation. It's very difficult for me to initiate these conversations.

I still tried today. I keep trying once in a while, everytime I find headspace. To call people I could have a good conversation with. It took significant effort and...no one picked up my call. I called almost five people and none of them picked up.

Now I understand - everyone is in a different city, different timezone - living with different priorities.

It's just very lonely and I feel so f*cking lonely. I thought I won't get triggered like this. And here we are. I was even okay after the phone calls. Though coming home after my walk, to an empty home and broken parents (abusive parents)

I am just tired and it makes me want to die.
 
I'm sorry you feel this way...I know loneliness can be one of the most crippling things we experience... you're not alone here, people understand where you're at... I'm just wondering if you can get some help with having to deal with your abusive parents at home... or just to talk through how you're doing, e.g with a therapist...
 
Sorry, did not understand.. leaving from where I live currently you mean?

Exactly. As it would be the most comprehensive solution to

vvv this vvv.
It's just very lonely and I feel so f*cking lonely. I thought I won't get triggered like this. And here we are. I was even okay after the phone calls. Though coming home after my walk, to an empty home and broken parents (abusive parents)

I am just tired and it makes me want to die.

I have to imagine moving out of an abusive home, to build a life not only with people in, but a home you're not lonely in, even when you're alone.
 
Exactly. As it would be the most comprehensive solution to

vvv this vvv.


I have to imagine moving out of an abusive home, to build a life not only with people in, but a home you're not lonely in, even when you're alone.

I don't know. I understand how it has been the common route to navigate this problem and in past, it worked too - to a certain degree, when I went away to study at University for three - four years, I discovered a lot of me then and healed too.

Lot of things broke down too after university - my mum was diagnosed with schizophrenia, my father went missing after a financial and emotional breakdown (he was found and is safe now, with regular mini breakdowns), my younger brother dropped out of school - he runs his own business now.

I feel scared of leaving home because after university I too lived with a chronic illness and was bedridden for two years. I have started running recently.

I am scared to live without these set of people who are around me. Because however they are, they are there. No one from University or school was around when so much shit went down, so I don't know if it's a good idea to live away from family.
 
I am scared to live without these set of people who are around me. Because however they are, they are there. No one from University or school was around when so much shit went down, so I don't know if it's a good idea to live away from family.
Try a less all-or-nothing approach.

Even if you were still a kid? After school programs, school break camps, internships, etc. could keep you out of the house -and around people, and doing fun/ interesting/ inspiring/ confidence & life building things- all hours of the day, as well as a whole lotta nights.

As an adult? You have even MORE options for building a life outside/away from the house of suicidal loneliness & casual abuse/neglect. Even if your family is on a ranch hundreds of miles from anything, but especially if you live at all closer to civilization.

Next time you start feeling lonely? Start researching those options, and putting together a file/dossier. From the tiny moments away on a daily basis, to work/edu/volunteer trips that take you away for days/weeks at a time (or longer). And everything in between. And start actioning those plans.
 
it takes so much, so much effort to reach out to people. To just call friends and have a conversation. It's very difficult for me to initiate these conversations.

I still tried today. I keep trying once in a while, everytime I find headspace. To call people I could have a good conversation with. It took significant effort and...no one picked up my call. I called almost five people and none of them picked up.

Now I understand - everyone is in a different city, different timezone - living with different priorities.

It's just very lonely and I feel so f*cking lonely. I thought I won't get triggered like this. And here we are. I was even okay after the phone calls. Though coming home after my walk, to an empty home and broken parents (abusive parents)

I am just tired and it makes me want to die.
You are never Alone.theres Millions of us struggling,please be good to you.i know we feel like ending our life would be an answer but do not allow this to beat you,trust me I always struggle for things that happened to me 51 years ago and I just hang in there knowing I am worth something.finally my family has started to admit the truth of how awful my Drunken father was and it is hard to hear their stories but it is real.i allow nature to help me alot,today I fed a wounded bird that was struggling hoping it will eat and make it.little things like these actions that remind me I am here to help no matter how awful I feel and alot of times I hurt deeply.i hear and support you.
 
Try a less all-or-nothing approach.

Even if you were still a kid? After school programs, school break camps, internships, etc. could keep you out of the house -and around people, and doing fun/ interesting/ inspiring/ confidence & life building things- all hours of the day, as well as a whole lotta nights.

As an adult? You have even MORE options for building a life outside/away from the house of suicidal loneliness & casual abuse/neglect. Even if your family is on a ranch hundreds of miles from anything, but especially if you live at all closer to civilization.

Next time you start feeling lonely? Start researching those options, and putting together a file/dossier. From the tiny moments away on a daily basis, to work/edu/volunteer trips that take you away for days/weeks at a time (or longer). And everything in between. And start actioning those plans.
That's what my therapist said, try and find more options, middleground.

It's difficult and very scary.

I have started traveling and being away for one-two weeks. I think that's a good start.

I don't physically live with my parents. They live in the opposite flat. Made this shift last year. Still the physical proximity is damaging in a lot of ways, they are just manipulative..
 
That's what my therapist said, try and find more options, middleground.

It's difficult and very scary.

I have started traveling and being away for one-two weeks. I think that's a good start.

I don't physically live with my parents. They live in the opposite flat. Made this shift last year. Still the physical proximity is damaging in a lot of ways, they are just manipulative..
Hi @maybeiamabear .It is difficult and very, very scary - why wouldn't it be ? Only eight billion -ish people out there!
@Friday is gently right - join a group, volunteer, join an animal rescue team, rescue dog pound - anything.
Do you realise people on this forum reply - with gentleness and care because you mean something ?
That's reason to push through.

One note, one person, one instrument stands alone- many create a magnificent symphony- (quote by@Brumbyinthesunshine)
 
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