Strangelongtrip
MyPTSD Pro
This month school ended and I've been getting increasingly anxious not having some semblance of structure. I also had to go into a hospital for unrelated medical treatment and I think it's starting to make me paranoid, it was sort of painful and I'm adjusting to new medication (hormones). I haven't been sleeping well at all. I either have nightmares, or wake up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep. I want to rest, but when I try to rest, I keep trying to distract myself with instant gratification (social media, talking to people) stuff.
I tried to watch a movie today and it felt like it was taking FOREVER, and I paused it 6 times to do random things and turns out it was only 37 minutes in. I can't focus on entertainment. I can read maybe 10 or so pages before I have to stop bc my anxiety is too bad. I'm a writer, so I had been writing all day, but I find I can't even stick to a schedule with that either. I can't stick to ANY schedule, especially now that I'm not sleeping. I just kinda stare into space all day.
The only thing that feels kinda good is making art of comedy skits/ videos in general. I feel so guilty for not doing *something*. I've organized all my rooms, cleaned them, done everything. I feel like I'm just at a mini breaking point having been in quarantine for two months. I stayed really strong and took care of my mental health for the most part the last few months but it's just....stress cup overfloweth, even though things are at least better financially than they were before.
My therapist is moving practices, too, and I still don't know if they will take my insurance. If not, I can find a new one that'll be easier for when I move (like online bc I am moving), but I really love my therapist. He's awesome, and I've made so much progress. I'm also dealing with some triggers dealing with relationships due to me pushing myself out of my comfort zone with some things (in a good way! pushing myself to develop interpersonal skills (and flirting LOL)).
I tried to make a list of things I can and can't control but that made me more anxious because it was all of this stuff that I feel no motivation to do. The best I can muster is a bath, so I'm going to do that and take my meds. Just needed to vent, or if anyone has any sage words ? I'm wondering if the new hormones adjusting is just a process and makes me more anxious. It's helping with pain but....ugh, mood swings.
I tried to watch a movie today and it felt like it was taking FOREVER, and I paused it 6 times to do random things and turns out it was only 37 minutes in. I can't focus on entertainment. I can read maybe 10 or so pages before I have to stop bc my anxiety is too bad. I'm a writer, so I had been writing all day, but I find I can't even stick to a schedule with that either. I can't stick to ANY schedule, especially now that I'm not sleeping. I just kinda stare into space all day.
The only thing that feels kinda good is making art of comedy skits/ videos in general. I feel so guilty for not doing *something*. I've organized all my rooms, cleaned them, done everything. I feel like I'm just at a mini breaking point having been in quarantine for two months. I stayed really strong and took care of my mental health for the most part the last few months but it's just....stress cup overfloweth, even though things are at least better financially than they were before.
My therapist is moving practices, too, and I still don't know if they will take my insurance. If not, I can find a new one that'll be easier for when I move (like online bc I am moving), but I really love my therapist. He's awesome, and I've made so much progress. I'm also dealing with some triggers dealing with relationships due to me pushing myself out of my comfort zone with some things (in a good way! pushing myself to develop interpersonal skills (and flirting LOL)).
I tried to make a list of things I can and can't control but that made me more anxious because it was all of this stuff that I feel no motivation to do. The best I can muster is a bath, so I'm going to do that and take my meds. Just needed to vent, or if anyone has any sage words ? I'm wondering if the new hormones adjusting is just a process and makes me more anxious. It's helping with pain but....ugh, mood swings.