Sufferer Any words of identification and strength would be greatly appreciated

hey,im new here

its taken alot for to join, im really good at isolating the side of me with ptsd and helping others but rubbish at calling out when i need it

im hoping to just connect with some people as theres a huge lack of it for me, this whole year has felt like me smiling at those I love whilst living in hyper alert,barely sleeping flashback free and im exhausted mentally.

im 25 and i live alone..now. under 2 years ago id never had a home. my trauma stopped when i was 11 and i went straight into a mental hospital for a year, then went into residential care in wales until i was 16 (im from london so i was 8 hours from my mum and hometown) but got re sectioned and spent from 16 years old to 22 in a secure forensic ward. moving into my first home 18 months ago without any support teams or anything (of course im not ill enough anymore to qualify for free help) has been the most beautiful and confusing thing. but this year has been brutal. 2 friend suicides, the usual unstable erratic family sutff and me trying to navigate life when the institution door shutt on me when i was 11 and swallowed me up as if id comitted the crime not the abusers. i had no schooling, no friends, no socialising... and now im just here. I love my life, I wouldnt change a thing but i have no one i can talk to about going into panic if a car door slams to loud or being scared of my bed some nights...any words of identification and strength would be greatly appreciated as sometimes I feel like I dont have a clue what im doing
 

Weemie

MyPTSD Pro
got re sectioned and spent from 16 years old to 22 in a secure forensic ward.

Don't have too much advice or anything but just wanted to say I relate with this. I spent 6 months in a locked facility in the gang unit before I attended more specialized therapy at the child soldier's initiative here in my province. I still say to this day that those things are what permitted me to be a somewhat functional social citizen, even though most of my time is spent isolated in my room. It kept me out of jail, dead or on the streets, or on the needle. Whatever it is that brings you here, you're among friends for sure. We all get that hypervigilant crazy startle stuff, at least I know I do. Welcome && hope you stick around.
 
Don't have too much advice or anything but just wanted to say I relate with this. I spent 6 months in a locked facility in the gang unit before I attended more specialized therapy at the child soldier's initiative here in my province. I still say to this day that those things are what permitted me to be a somewhat functional social citizen, even though most of my time is spent isolated in my room. It kept me out of jail, dead or on the streets, or on the needle. Whatever it is that brings you here, you're among friends for sure. We all get that hypervigilant crazy startle stuff, at least I know I do. Welcome && hope you stick around.
The identification with others is so powerful. The isolation this year has been huge after so long institutionalised. I'm knackered from have panic all last night but just having a message back from another person has lifted me.bless you and thank you,I'll be sticking around for sure
 

Weemie

MyPTSD Pro
The isolation this year has been huge after so long institutionalised.

Yup, feel you. I wasn't institutionalized for nearly as long (but I was in solitary confinement from ages 0-6, mostly in a locked room/starved/left in my own excrement with bugs and rotten garbage everywheres 🙃)

But due to my trauma and various neurobehavioral disorders I am not comfortable being "out in the world" as I get memory intrusions, sensory overload (even the sound of someone eating or laughing can send me into a pure unadulterated rage) && flashbacks in public and scare people/feel like I might harm them.

Having online relations where I can voice and video chat like on Discord, and being on this forum, have been instrumental in helping me to preserve my sanity and make genuine human connections.
 

caroline_13

MyPTSD Pro
hey,im new here

its taken alot for to join, im really good at isolating the side of me with ptsd and helping others but rubbish at calling out when i need it

im hoping to just connect with some people as theres a huge lack of it for me, this whole year has felt like me smiling at those I love whilst living in hyper alert,barely sleeping flashback free and im exhausted mentally.

im 25 and i live alone..now. under 2 years ago id never had a home. my trauma stopped when i was 11 and i went straight into a mental hospital for a year, then went into residential care in wales until i was 16 (im from london so i was 8 hours from my mum and hometown) but got re sectioned and spent from 16 years old to 22 in a secure forensic ward. moving into my first home 18 months ago without any support teams or anything (of course im not ill enough anymore to qualify for free help) has been the most beautiful and confusing thing. but this year has been brutal. 2 friend suicides, the usual unstable erratic family sutff and me trying to navigate life when the institution door shutt on me when i was 11 and swallowed me up as if id comitted the crime not the abusers. i had no schooling, no friends, no socialising... and now im just here. I love my life, I wouldnt change a thing but i have no one i can talk to about going into panic if a car door slams to loud or being scared of my bed some nights...any words of identification and strength would be greatly appreciated as sometimes I feel like I dont have a clue what im doing
Hi,

Welcome! I live alone, too. With my cats.

I am glad to see you say "I love my life"...

Wishing you a good day.
 

brat17

MyPTSD Pro
Awe sweetie, welcome to the forum. I have nothing to really relate to you, but I have bits and pieces and I care.
After a childhood with no care, I ended up in a orphanage at age 11. While it was safe at the time, borders on abuse these days.. Went back home to mom, but left within a year to stay with my sister. Her husband was a control freak. Spied, read mail, listened to phone calls, etc. from 13 to 18.
This environment is not conducive with building any boundaries. But that isn't your issue, or may be part of it????
You didnt commit any crime. You do need to have someone that is safe to talk to without judgement right now. I understand that they discontinue your service, but can you get counseling some how? You really need to have that right now. Not only for the everyday events but those mentioned by you such as suicide m\by a friend is awful.
Im not there,, Im in US but if they dont provide it, is there a way that you can get it? on sliding fee scale? self pay?
You need that support right now. Sending hugs
 
Top