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Medical Anyone Dealt With Traumatic Births?

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Thread starter #1
Just wondering. Out of everything I have been through, my daughters birth and the events leading up to and surrounding her birth, are the worst for me. My mothers suicide just before, death of a family friend that I was blamed for the night I went into the hospital, knowing I had a living and dead child inside of me while hospitalized as they did everything to keep me from delivering to give my still living child on extra day...

The waiting, the believing I had lost both of them. The cruelty of the hospital to stick me in with a happy family to share a room with while the hospital staff knew I had not one visitor the 9 days prior I was there, and had lost one child and probably another. The knowledge that one of my other children was hospitalized as well. The whole time trying to convince the Dr.s I had not been abused due to fear, when my ex was responsible for all of it, except for my mothers death, but I was still being given hell for that because I couldn't shed a tear at the funeral.

The thing was, no one cared. I had no support in anyway shape or form, I went through hell but I was supposed to be the emotional rock for everyone else over the loss of the family friend that I got blamed for because I wouldn't let another man spend the night when my husband wasn't home. So, I caused him to fall asleep at the wheel, according to his mother and my husband. Was I really to blame though, my rational brain say no, but my water broke at the same exact time he died. Strange coincidence? Or something else. I am not a very spiritual person or one to normally believe in those types of connections but how to you explain that?

Anyways, it is funny what you focus on when you have experienced other loss. If I hadn't lost my ferret today I probably would never have been able to post this. I have tried so hard to get this out. It has been like a war inside of me, needed to come out but being blocked by something. I don't know, my head is so screwed up.

Maybe it is more than just PTSD and I am just plain nuts. I don't know. I just know that I am tired. Tired of fighting to go on. Really. I feel like I am just waiting for my real life to begin, because I refuse to believe that everything I have experienced up to this very moment is life and living life. Life is supposed to be generally good with a few moments of bad sprinkled in to make us stronger and better people, not mostly bad with only a few moments of good sprinkled in.
 
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#3
Wow. Honey you gotta keep strong. Thats unbelievably stressful time you went through:hug::smug:. Hugs from me. How are your kids now?
 
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Thread starter #4
Thank you Natalya. I don't know. The courts gave them to my abuser despite his domestic violence, drug and DUI convection's. Due to a box the courts forgot to put a check mark in, he was able to disappear with them.
 

Rain

Policy Enforcement
#5
Hugs and a lot of empathy for what you are going through right now

There are seasons in our lives that last for years and it is really hard to go through them

But with a long time it does get better and I wanted to leave you with some hope. I am so sorry you have gone through all you have.
 
#6
I don't know if this fits your description of a traumatic birth but I had an awful high risk pregnancy. I was in and out of the hospital. I ended up being induced because my blood pressure was sky high. I had a c-section (which I was okay with)... Halfway through the procedure, right after my daughter was born, the father said he would be right back. He left me laying there alone (with the medical staff present)...But I was ALONE, with my gut open and scared to death. I could feel them stapling me shut because the anesthesia started to wear off. I told the anesthesiologist and he kept pumping more morphine into my IV but that didn't do a thing. I felt it all...
To make matters worse I went back to work two weeks after she was born...because Mr. Father of the year had quit his job the week before I delivered and refused to do anything but sit on his ass.

Amazing the crap you put up with when you have no self-esteem at all.
 
#7
@Fadeaway my sons birth was traumatic for him. The cord was around his neck and every time I pushed it tightened the noose around his neck. His heart rate would drop to like 20 beats per minute. I couldn't get him out and they were screaming at me to get him out fast. I tried so hard to push him out. Finally, a nurse put her arm into the birth canal and got him free of the cord. I pushed him out right after.

He slept for two days. He didn't speak until he was six and is dyslexic. He struggled with school but was a gifted athlete. He learned to read finally in college. I know the loss of oxygen caused his problems. I know it wasn't my fault he wouldn't come out but of course I blame myself.

Your experience transcends any I know of. And to have the courts give that abuser the kids is unfathomable. My heart aches for you. You may not feel so, but you show a strength that is formidable. And really there's no way of proving that guy fell asleep at the wheel. I'm so sorry that shit got blamed on you. Every adult is responsible for their decisions. Peace and light I wish for you.
 
#8
I was induced for 5 days. They would let me rest at night. I made no progress so my ob's partner wanted to do a C-section the 3rd night. My blood pressure was 220/120 and they didn't do the section. On the fifth day, I was still 3 cm dilated, and the nurse told the doc I was 4 cm so I could have the epidural. The contractions were 1 minute apart the last day. I had a seizure but since there was no one in the room at the time, and I couldn't talk in sentences after, no -one knew. No one knew I couldn't talk correctly since they were too busy with the epidural and after no one was allowed to talk at all. My blood pressure was way up still and my heart rate was 145. I figured I was going to die, I certainly felt like it. My OB kept insisting that I had high blood pressure even though I never had. I was 2 weeks late at this point, and since my blood pressure had been up, I should have been induced 2 weeks early. I had pre-eclampsia, then eclampsia, because he decided it was just high blood pressure.

After several hours I was dilated 10 cm, and about 20 staff came in the room. My nurse asked me who they should save, me or the baby. I said the baby. He was stuck in the birth canal. The doc got some forceps, put them around the baby's head, put his feet up on the bed and started pulling my son out. The cord was around his neck 3 times. When they finally got him out he looked dead. They rushed him to the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) and I didn't get to see him until the next day.

My mom said to the doctor that she was glad that was over, and he said that I wasn't out of the woods yet. I had to make it through the next 24 hours and then I would be safe. Yikes. I didn't have any children after that. My son has a mild case of Cerebral Palsy, but he is very intelligent.
 
#9
A late post but I also had a traumatic birth. I went to my 6 month check up and found out I was in labor. The doctor asked me if I was having any contractions and I told her I had some cramps but I thought that was normal. I was dilated to 3 cm. They took me upstairs and once I got in the bed I wasn't allowed to get up. They didn't have a nursery capable of taking care of my baby if it was born so the had to fly me in a helicopter to another hospital. My water bag hadn't broke yet thank goodness for that. They started giving me shots (betamethasone) to help my baby's lungs develop faster. They also gave me magnesium sulfate to help stop my contractions. That wasn't working so 3 days later they had to take me off that medication because it causes pulmonary edema. Finally after a week in the hospital and having a contraction every hour for t he past seven days I went into labor. My son weighed 872 grams 1 lb 15 oz 14 inches long. He had no nipples, his ears were still stuck to his head and his skin was almost transparent. This was January 24th 2004. I was 26 weeks pregnant. He stayed in the hospital till April 7th 2004. When he was sent home he was diagnosed with chronic lung disease. When he was 4 months old he got really sick and was sent to UCSF Medical Center. He stayed there for a week. They never really found out what was wrong with him even after doing a spinal tap and so many other tests. At 10 months old he had a dislocated hip and had to have surgery. He was in a cast for 3 months then in a brace for another 3 months. He didn't walk till he was 2. When he was 7 years old he was diagnosed with ADHD and started meds. He is now 10 and is still currently on meds for his ADHD and has a hard time at school. This has been a very long road for me not to mention that I am a single mother who's been going thru all of this by myself except for the help of my sister when she can. I have not had anymore children. I was strong enough to make it through this and I know you can make it through your struggles. Don't give up.
 
#10
@Starlite wow, what a huge complicated birth and life for you and your son. You have done a tremendous job with him, getting him the help he needs. I hope the school system he's in is helpful. My son's birth manifested in dyslexia and school was very difficult. He finally learned to read when he was 17!! The schools in NH suck out loud. So have you ever gotten respite for caring for him?
 
#11
@KwanYingirl It's been rough but it's gotten a lot better. We had so many doctors up and down the west coast of California we had to see every couple of months. From San Francisco to Monterey. Now were down to just 2 doctors. His normal pediatrics doctor and his psychologist to get his medication refilled. He does receive SSI Disability benefits and has been since he was born so that has helps me out a lot being a single mom. As for the school that he is in it's been pretty good. He does receive a lot of help. He has his normal teacher as well as a speech therapist, an academic therapist, an occupational therapist and the school psychologist. We have an IEP meeting a couple of times a year. To see how he's progressing. He can read and write and do most of his work but he is still far behind according to the board. So it's a work in progress just as it's been for you. I've been doing it on my own. My mom who is legally blind is living with me so she takes care of my son when he gets home from school until I get home from work and I pay her to do it so it helps us both out.
 
#12
I have two children. It was my dream to have them naturally. I feel because of poor choices I made in doctors and hospitals, I ended up with two C-sections. It's hitting me way hard right now because I was induced on Dec 31st of last year. Everything was going so well. I thought I would really end up with my VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). They put me on Pitocin and in the end cut off all pain meds. I was maxed on Pitocin for the last two hours and couldn't push baby out. They wouldn't let me change positions and he was in a difficult, but not impossible position (face first). I went into OR room and they put me under, but didn't tell me they would. During first c section I was awake. This time, I thought I had died. My baby is healthy so I cannot be too upset, but I lost my chance for a VBAC and it all started with the decisions during my first pregnancy. If only I had gone to a birthing center. I wish so badly that I could go back in time and have those movie and tv show births. I dealt with depression after first csection. Today I feel a little depressed. I tried reading a book and I just kept getting intrusive memories about this day one year ago. I wanted one more child (really two, but husband won't go for it) but I feel another c section will destroy me if that makes any sense. Husband would just want to schedule another if we were pregnant and to find a doc who would support another trial of labor, may prove difficult. Thought I was past these thoughts, the pain, the regret. :(
 
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