Childhood Anyone else been traumatised with porn?

PTSDisaster

Confident
I've been sexually abused by my father and he made me watch porn with him or he watched it while I was around. Anyone else been in some kind of situation like this? And how are you dealing with porn right now? It's one of my biggest triggers
 

PTSDisaster

Confident
I used to watch porn but haven't in years. I don't like the fact that I might be watching something where the participants are forced into it.
I'm actually really thankful for your reply. Even my therapist told me 'all men watch porn' when I told her my boyfriend doesn't watch it so I don't get sick of the thought of it. Thank you for making my view on men a bit better, its really helpful thank you:)))

Although I don't think it has specifically to do with forced participants. I'm not sure what the trigger is. I think the possibility of my boyfriend getting aroused is the trigger but I don't know why, still have to figure this out with my therapist. It's not only porn but also certain tv series where there's a lot of nudity or sexual scenes.
 
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B

Bandersnatch

Anyone else been traumatised with porn?
Not me.

My son was. When he was 9 his father forced him to watch prison rape porn, threatening him with “This is what is going to happen to Daddy, if you testify. It will be all your fault.” It was, to the best of my knowledge, my son’s first panic attack. Which became a series of panic attacks, and acute respiratory failure. It took the better part of 2 days in the hospital to get his asthma under control, as he was so upset both by what he’d seen, and by what his father was threatening him with.

A real charmer, my ex.
 

Lumos

MyPTSD Pro
I'm sorry he did that, that should never have happened to you.

A boy from my school forced me to watch hardcore pornography in his house whilst sexually assaulting me. It was very scary and he wouldn't let me get away, he was very strong. I blocked it out for many years. I never told anyone until recently. I just started working on it in therapy.

I've watched all sorts of porn in the years that followed the assault but I mostly don't like it.
 

PTSDisaster

Confident
I'm sorry he did that, that should never have happened to you.

A boy from my school forced me to watch hardcore pornography in his house whilst sexually assaulting me. It was very scary and he wouldn't let me get away, he was very strong. I blocked it out for many years. I never told anyone until recently. I just started working on it in therapy.

I've watched all sorts of porn in the years that followed the assault but I mostly don't like it.
I'm sorry that happened to you. This actually happened to me as well, but with a girl and not hardcore pornography. I also kept this secret for a long time. I feel a lot of shame with this trauma and I don't feel shame with what happened with my dad. Good that you started working on it in therapy, takes a lot of strength to bring it up:)
Are you experiencing any affects of this trauma right now? Except the fact you mostly don't like porn?

Not me.

My son was. When he was 9 his father forced him to watch prison rape porn, threatening him with “This is what is going to happen to Daddy, if you testify. It will be all your fault.” It was, to the best of my knowledge, my son’s first panic attack. Which became a series of panic attacks, and acute respiratory failure. It took the better part of 2 days in the hospital to get his asthma under control, as he was so upset both by what he’d seen, and by what his father was threatening him with.

A real charmer, my ex.
Wow.. I'm very sorry this happened for both of you.. Hope you and your son are in a better place now
 

LittleBigFoot

MyPTSD Pro
Yes, he used it as a way to introduce acts he wanted me to learn and models he wanted me to look like. As for how I deal with it now? It’s complicated. It depends on the day, some days I’m actually neutral, some days I can’t stand the thought, then other days I’m drawn in so much I can’t see my way out for days and it becomes an obsession. Depends how stressed I am.
 

Lumos

MyPTSD Pro
I'm sorry that happened to you. This actually happened to me as well, but with a girl and not hardcore pornography. I also kept this secret for a long time. I feel a lot of shame with this trauma and I don't feel shame with what happened with my dad. Good that you started working on it in therapy, takes a lot of strength to bring it up:)
Are you experiencing any affects of this trauma right now? Except the fact you mostly don't like porn?
I'm sorry that a girl done this to you too. I can relate to feeling shame. I didn't feel able to tell anyone about what happened to me back then. I was never taught about consent or abuse. I was left feeling like the sex acts I was forced to watch, were to be expected of me as a woman :( It affected how I behaved for some years afterwards. I done sexual things with boys which now I regret as I was still quite young.

My therapist said pornography is quite unrealistic, I hadn't really thought too much about it but she's right. She also said (because the boy who assaulted me was telling me he wanted to do the things to me that we watched) that it was like a threat. I also hadn't thought of it in that way but again, yes, it was like a threat because the women looked like they were in a lot of pain in some parts of it :(

I had a few flashbacks about the assault but I was able to do grounding techniques that my therapist taught me which helped the flashbacks not last as long as they might have in the past.
 
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Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
I really think it’s purpose is to traumatise. Think how different you’d be if you never saw that, those images? Horror movies too. I have used porn and I’d say it even helped me in a certain way. Overall though it’s a pernicious evil IMO. We got it when we were kids. Not just the dirty pics we got the dirty sex books. There were two famous ones called him and her. Straight pornography. Everyone wants it to be ok you know and I hardly care what consenting adults do BUT. The kids get it. Steal our parents booze cigarettes and porno. All the stuff the “adults” do. Must be fun right?
 

PTSDisaster

Confident
Yes, he used it as a way to introduce acts he wanted me to learn and models he wanted me to look like. As for how I deal with it now? It’s complicated. It depends on the day, some days I’m actually neutral, some days I can’t stand the thought, then other days I’m drawn in so much I can’t see my way out for days and it becomes an obsession. Depends how stressed I am.
Im sorry for you . To me it also deprnds on the day or like period. My mind is always obsessing with something that triggers me. The last week it is porn, next week it could be something else. Sometimes its quite depressing. Thank you for your reply:)

I'm sorry that a girl done this to you too. I can relate to feeling shame. I didn't feel able to tell anyone about what happened to me back then. I was never taught about consent or abuse. I was left feeling like the sex acts I was forced to watch, were to be expected of me as a woman :( It affected how I behaved for some years afterwards. I done sexual things with boys which now I regret as I was still quite young.

My therapist said pornography is quite unrealistic, I hadn't really thought too much about it but she's right. She also said (because the boy who assaulted me was telling me he wanted to do the things to me that we watched) that it was like a threat. I also hadn't thought of it in that way but again, yes, it was like a threat because the women looked like they were in a lot of pain in some parts of it :(

I had a few flashbacks about the assault but I was able to do grounding techniques that my therapist taught me which helped the flashbacks not last as long as they might have in the past.
Porn is really unrealistic. Im so sorry you had to go through all this:( it's so screwed up what big of an impact this has on us.. I'm glad that you can use grounding techniques now. How do you feel about your partner watching porn? (If you have or had one)

I really think it’s purpose is to traumatise. Think how different you’d be if you never saw that, those images? Horror movies too. I have used porn and I’d say it even helped me in a certain way. Overall though it’s a pernicious evil IMO. We got it when we were kids. Not just the dirty pics we got the dirty sex books. There were two famous ones called him and her. Straight pornography. Everyone wants it to be ok you know and I hardly care what consenting adults do BUT. The kids get it. Steal our parents booze cigarettes and porno. All the stuff the “adults” do. Must be fun right?
I definetely think we accept it too much and talk about it that it's normal and even healthy. It is addicting and the internet is made to help you get addicted to it. Just like social media, it seems to be so normal but it's so bad for your mental health. I agree with you
 

LittleBigFoot

MyPTSD Pro
Im sorry for you . To me it also deprnds on the day or like period. My mind is always obsessing with something that triggers me. The last week it is porn, next week it could be something else. Sometimes its quite depressing. Thank you for your reply:)
Yup, I have rotating obsessions as well. Even within porn with the type of porn I seek out. One week its this really bad stuff and the next week its this other completely different but equally as bad stuff. It's actually an area I should be bringing up with my T but haven't been brave enough.
 

PTSDisaster

Confident
Yup, I have rotating obsessions as well. Even within porn with the type of porn I seek out. One week its this really bad stuff and the next week its this other completely different but equally as bad stuff. It's actually an area I should be bringing up with my T but haven't been brave enough.
Do you seek out for pleasure or to trigger yourself?
 
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