Anyone else feel stuck? Can't make myself get professional help

LucyLou

New Here
I have a history of CSA /eating disorders and undiagnosed PTSD & Depression.

I've never sought any kind of help from a professional to address any of this because

1. I don't even think I'd be able to talk about it anyway as there is a lot that I don't remember and even the bits I do remember, it's saying it out loud to a stranger.
2. I don't want anyone to think I can't look after my children and
3. I don't want anyone to find out about any if it, especially my other half as it was my 2 brothers that abused me and they are still very much in the picture.

I know I need the help, I get these bouts of depression which seem to be lasting longer now, memories popping up in my head from nowhere, tearful all the time and generally feeling rubbish but I just can't do it.
 

Friday

Moderator
3. I don't want anyone to find out about any if it, especially my other half as it was my 2 brothers that abused me and they are still very much in the picture
I almost divorced my ex-husband on the spot, when I found out he’d deliberately prevented me from protecting my child from being raped, by keeping secret the fact that half his family -people who were in our lives, up until the moment I DID find out- are pedophiles. Only the fact that I had NEVER left our son alone with any of them prevented that.

In retrospect? I should have divorced him on the spot.

Instead, he was welcome to see any of his family that he chose... whenever, wherever... but NEVER in our home, or with our children. Even once, and I would have filed. It was an absolute hard limit. The same as if I found out he was having our son play on the freeway. You do NOT allow pedophiles access to your children. Full stop.

When I did divorce him, the courts started to ding me on blocking access... until they found out? WHY I was blocking access. At which point full no-contact (in person, distant -phone, email, letters-, and 3rd party contact) restraining orders were put in place until my son’s 18th birthday.

It’s a big f*cking deal, to knowingly take children to pedophiles, to be raped and abused. Where I live, it’s a felony charge for the person facilitating the rape and abuse. Including facilitating “grooming” by having any contact with them, whatsoever.

IMO your priorities are seriously f*cked up.
 

LucyLou

New Here
What?! What the hell?! None of my children are EVER left alone with either of my brothers. I see them once in a blue moon, it's not like I take my children to them and leave in their care. I'm not putting my children at risk. Trying to imply I'm taking my children to be abused, that's so messed up. Like I would do that.
 

Friday

Moderator
Trying to imply I'm taking my children to be abused, that's so messed up. Like I would do that.
Can you even imagine how different your life would be if someone had blocked any & all access your grandfather -and anyone else they knew sexually abused kids- had to you & your brothers? Never having been sexually abused, because the people who were supposed to protect you, actually did?

I don't want anyone to find out about any if it, especially my other half as it was my 2 brothers that abused me and they are still very much in the picture.
Yet? Here you are... unconcerned -even offended- continuing the cycle of abuse, your one concern how to keep their other parent from finding out what you’re doing. The family secret more important than you, your brothers, your kids, their kids, and on, and on. It’s certainly not like you believe what you’re doing is right, nor that your brothers were just kids acting out their own abuse; if you’re limiting contact, & hiding all of it from your other half.

Yes. That’s messed up.
 

Skywatcher

MyPTSD Pro
Seeing my therapist has been very helpful and I have noticed that family communication and my relationship with my husband has improved because of it. You don’t have to tell your family that you are going to therapy. I chose to, but it was almost a year before I told anyone besides my husband. My friend hasn’t told anyone that she sees a therapist.
 

Mute

Learning
I have a history of CSA /eating disorders and undiagnosed PTSD & Depression.
I've never sought any kind of help from a professional to address any of this because

1. I don't even think I'd be able to talk about it anyway as there is a lot that I don't remember and even the bits I do remember, it's saying it out loud to a stranger.
2. I don't want anyone to think I can't look after my children and
3. I don't want anyone to find out about any if it, especially my other half as it was my 2 brothers that abused me and they are still very much in the picture.

I know I need the help, I get these bouts of depression which seem to be lasting longer now, memories popping up in my head from nowhere, tearful all the time and generally feeling rubbish but I just can't do it.
Hi, I am new thanks for sharing. I have diagnosed PTSD, adjustment disorder, oppositional defiance disorder, anxiety disorder and chronic depression. Self diagnosis is misdiagnosed and missed diagnosed mute disorder and ADHD. I have been terribly triggered continuously lately and I really f*cked myself over by waiting until it was too late to get help again. The professionals really frown on it and It's understandable and feels not fair until you realize like we are responsible for our actions and there are bad and good consequences for our actions. I feel stuck too...like I know what you mean about being stuck. I know from experience, the sooner you can get help the better. Do whatever it takes to get on the phone and schedule an intake interview where a social worker can hook you up with the appropriate care. Sometimes I have to have a beer to get on the phone but I don't recommend that. You might need a referral so when you call you don't have to say much. Just say " something is messing with my mental health and I need to talk" or something like that. Or make an appointment for something fake like knee pain or something then when you see the doctor don't hesitate to say that something is messing with your mental health and the doc will understand and appreciate your honesty. That's the line that I find helps me get some attention. I find descriptive writing and just saying the shit to someone that knows how to listen calms the storm. You can do it. Nike that shit. Peace out and best of luck for hard work.
 
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