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Anyone Else Sometimes Scared To Shower?

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Leisel

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My stepdad used to come in when I was in the shower. Before him, my other stepdad would "help me" in the bath. Now I'm afraid to shower and get flashbacks sometimes if I try to. Sometimes it's like I'm only afraid in certain places or if I don't trust the people there, but sometimes it's everywhere.
I haven't showered in a while now bc I don't feel safe but I can smell myself lol and I've already used dry shampoo twice lol but it doesn't rly help with the smell. I mean deodorant helps a little but not that much.
Idk. I'm kind of sad about all of it. Anyone else feel like that sometimes? Scared to shower? Any tips on not smelling gross? Lol
 
I'm sorry you went through this, truly. I totally understand why you feel scared to shower.

It's really important to keep reminding yourself that you're an adult and you're safe now. You can be in and out of the shower in five minutes - just have towels and clean clothes at hand. Lock the door, and keep in mind that nobody is going to hurt you like your stepdad did. That part of your life from a physical perspective is over. Are you receiving any counselling or other therapy for this?
 
Yes I still am.

A locked door. Something more pleasant/ unrelated? ie candles, music. To reward yourself after in some small way. A timer? Grounding. A different time of day? Bring your clothes you'll change in to.

Oh, yes, baths (vs showers).

:hug:
 
My stepdad used to come in when I was in the shower. Before him, my other stepdad would "help me" in the bath. Now I'm afraid to shower and get flashbacks sometimes if I try to. Sometimes it's like I'm only afraid in certain places or if I don't trust the people there, but sometimes it's everywhere.

I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through, I can't imagine it being easy.

To answer your question, yes and no. On some days, I'm terrified of showering. My childhood abuser would... "do certain things" while 'helping me' shower. It's strange, because I'm either terrified of going into the shower or terrified of getting out of the shower. It sounds really cliche, but sometimes, what helps me is to repeat my therapist's address, along with "I'm safe. It isn't happening now. I'm okay." I say my therapist's address for one reason. The moment I do, I picture her building. When I picture her building, I picture her office. When I picture her office, I picture us having a session. Get where I'm going with this? I guess it's imagery? Not too familiar with the technical term, though.

On some days, I tremble in fear as I sit in the tub and on some days, I just never want to leave, because I feel like if I do, I have more of a chance of other flashbacks being triggered or seeing him again. It's at that point where I just try to close my eyes. Sometimes it doesn't help. Nothing helps. We have to allow our mind to cope with trauma in its own way. Sometimes, these little things help.

What may help is putting on a podcast or a funny show so that you can listen to it as you shower, in the background. Distract your mind from going to any dark places.
 
Any tips on not smelling gross? Lol

- Swimming Pools.
- Baby Wipes / Cat Baths (wet a wash cloth with soap and water, scrub, rinse. Can do in your living room if you like).
- Hail Marys (face, pits, groin).
- Bathe in a swimsuit or fully clothed. Washable clothes actually like shampoo / you can use shampoo when you run out of laundry detergent. When I'm camping this is actually how I do my laundry. I wash all of me, including my clothes, then rinse, then hang them up to dry and put on clean clothes.

***

(( This bit below just touching on curious ways of soothing anxiety ;) ))

<chuckling> During some of my more paranoid years I installed a secret passageway from my shower (not bathroom wall, the shower wall) into the next room. I ALWAYS wanted an upstairs shower so I'd have an excuse to put in a waterslide, but I was also always either in flats or houses where the bathroom was already downstairs. LeSigh. <<< This was about dealing with an intense dislike of feeling trapped. Every room in my house or flat got altered to have at least 2 exits. Sometimes more. And at least 1 not immediately apparent. Doors? Pfft. Screw doors.

((As a child I spent significant amounts of time in countries that have a long history of internal warfare. ANY older house had secret passageways & bolt holes for people to escape out of or hide in. Some really quite clever. As an adult I've spent significant amounts of time "clearing" houses / looking for people hiding. So it's the most natural thing in the world for me to look at a space, and deconstruct it mentally. From there it was a very small step to creating my own bolt holes & escape routes. They're indescribably soothing. Just that they're there. Even if never used. Like a seatbelt in a car.))
 
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I don't know if this would help or is even possible for you, but I've found great relief in bringing one of my dogs into the bathroom with me while I shower. I also have a great fear of the shower, and I am so sorry you went through what you did. Having a trusted little pupper in there always makes me feel really secure and safe, like they would make noise if need be, or that they're presence is just a bit calming. If no pets around, I completely agree with soothing music, smells, trying to associate the shower with peace and comfort. I know it's tough and will take work. Sending you lots of love!
 
but I've found great relief in bringing one of my dogs into the bathroom with me while I shower.

My dog did that! :D He would stand guard whenever he felt one of us were in a vulnerable position. (Using the toilet, in the shower, getting dressed, under a car, half in a closet reorganizing it, etc.). Didn't train him to, outside of the contagious nature of hyper vigilance, it was just a responsibility he assumed. Took a little while to figure out what the *heck* he was doing. Once we did? :inlove:
 
My dog did that! :D He would stand guard whenever he felt one of us were in a vulnerable position. (Usin...
That's so awesome! Definitely helps me in so many aspects, especially at night. I really struggle sleeping alone, and my dogs provide me SO much comfort. I think anyone who has intense stress and fears can benefit greatly from a therapy animal of some kind :)
 
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